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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get a divorce just to get a break ?

88 replies

XYZ32 · 16/02/2023 19:12

Simply that

I know a lot of people probably feel the same way but I feel my DH has it way to easy?!

Yes he gets up and goes to work for 5 hours at 6am, gets home, does his dinner, goes the gym then goes to bed, has his tea, sees the kids for an hour then goes back up to bed for 7pm, I'd like to say he pays the bills but he pays gas and electric and his phone bill. I pay every other bill in the house plus insurances etc and I sort the kids. He sometimes gives money towards food and this year he's paying for our big holiday as I did last year....

But I get up at 6, feed all the kids, bath the kids, dress them, clean up and make the beds, sort the animals, do dinner, clean up again, sort the mess out, clean garden, and I mean when I clean up I do door frames, skirt boards, etc DAILY or he goes insane but I do all this whilst entertaining the kids, doin washing and going about daily life, or if it's school days I take them all to the 4 different schools thwir in and do pick ups, sort everything out in life even for him I'm just fed up
My DD struggles to get to sleep so she's up usually till gone 11pm, my DS cannot sleep so he goes to bed at 7, wakes when I get to bed about 11 an then he's up majority of the night plus I have night feeds ! He sleeps in spare room as he "works" !!!

Wouldn't it be easier to divorce, be single an get a fuckin break when it's his days to have the kids ?? Work would be heaven for me right now but certain reasons I can't. But Atleast Then I can go bed at 7, have a breather an he can do his fair share and I'd have more bastard money in my pocket!!!!!

Rant over hahaha xx

OP posts:
Minikievs · 16/02/2023 20:03

I don't think divorce would give you a break, as I think he'd be unlikely to have the kids.

I think you should get divorced anyway, he sounds like a lazy bastard arsehole

Havinganosy · 16/02/2023 20:12

A few questions:

1- who needs a nap after they have worked for 5 hours?
2 - who needs to go to bed at 7pm after only working 5 hours and having an afternoon nap?
3 - why do your kids go to 4 different schools?
4 - why does he go insane if you don’t clean the doorframes (and how would he know if you didn’t?!)
5 - how do you manage to pay the majority of the bills and pay for all the kids stuff when you don’t go to work?!

He sounds like a total d*ickhead btw.. and would deffo be easier to be single. Least you would only have 4 kids not 5…

Hankunamatata · 16/02/2023 20:16

Cleaning skirting every day. I don't think mines been cleaned in last year

Pixiedust1234 · 16/02/2023 20:19

Yes, please get a divorce. Life will be so much easier without a lazy , selfish, control freak in it.

category12 · 16/02/2023 20:20

Minikievs · 16/02/2023 20:03

I don't think divorce would give you a break, as I think he'd be unlikely to have the kids.

I think you should get divorced anyway, he sounds like a lazy bastard arsehole

I reckon splitting up with him would give her a break, whether he had the kids at all or not - it sounds like he just makes work at home and sets stupidly high standards, piles it on rather than taking off any of the load.

Original poster
XYZ32 · 16/02/2023 20:20

Nanny0gg · 16/02/2023 19:16

It doesn't actually seem funny to me.

What's the point of him?

I often think this

OP posts:
Abba123 · 16/02/2023 20:20

Yes get a divorce.

I wish I had the guts to but my husband is a nice man, life is ok if dull and my kids would be upset by it.

But I crave alone time sooooo much.

Original poster
XYZ32 · 16/02/2023 20:22

As for the laughing, if I didn't laugh (if I'd call it that, more like sarcastic laughing at my shit situation with a bellend) I'd crack and break and crumble these days, going on a few hours sleep and I'm just worn thin

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 16/02/2023 20:23

so he basically forces you to do all the cleaning whilst working 5 hours to pay the energy bill.

OP this isn’t a marriage - it isn’t even what is the point of him it is that him be8ng there causes you stress and anxiety

divorce him because it will make your life better and easier he sounds awful

taxpayer1 · 16/02/2023 20:25

Do you work?

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 16/02/2023 20:27

So he does half a days work, finishes at lunchtime and then needs a nap?

Diddums.

Absolutely divorce him, he sounds like a knob, and an abusive one at that.

I don't even have words for the skirting board thing, but wouldn't be fucking 'haha' I can tell you that much.

Original poster
XYZ32 · 16/02/2023 20:27

I hope people didn't get the wrong end of this as it was what are you laughing at"
I'm going insane literally. If I was alone when the kids go to school I could nap, I could sit and relax an watch a film with the kids instead of been 100mph so no I'm not laughing, I'm cracking and at breaking point

I'd rather be alone it's less stress and anxiety for me, I act single now (not as I'm going out and talking to men etc) I just do everything like a single person would do for a family life, I plan life for me and the kids, I wouldn't have to do big stupid teas as he doesn't like what me and the kids do... just everything would be LESS and be calmer and just easier? I'm not a dirty or untidy person but what he expects of me everyone comments how I have a "show home" an wouldn't expect me to have 4 kids and animals, but I HATE that. I want a home and I want it to be lived in!

OP posts:
Original poster
XYZ32 · 16/02/2023 20:28

taxpayer1 · 16/02/2023 20:25

Do you work?

No, due to circumstances I'm unable to work as I'm a full time carer

OP posts:
category12 · 16/02/2023 20:31

XYZ32 · 16/02/2023 20:27

I hope people didn't get the wrong end of this as it was what are you laughing at"
I'm going insane literally. If I was alone when the kids go to school I could nap, I could sit and relax an watch a film with the kids instead of been 100mph so no I'm not laughing, I'm cracking and at breaking point

I'd rather be alone it's less stress and anxiety for me, I act single now (not as I'm going out and talking to men etc) I just do everything like a single person would do for a family life, I plan life for me and the kids, I wouldn't have to do big stupid teas as he doesn't like what me and the kids do... just everything would be LESS and be calmer and just easier? I'm not a dirty or untidy person but what he expects of me everyone comments how I have a "show home" an wouldn't expect me to have 4 kids and animals, but I HATE that. I want a home and I want it to be lived in!

So, your next step is to get some legal advice on the quiet and start the divorce.

LeavesOnTrees · 16/02/2023 20:31

Yes I think you should divorce him to get a break.

Original poster
XYZ32 · 16/02/2023 20:32

It's definitely getting discussed on the quiet
I think he has an idea.... 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 16/02/2023 20:33

He probably wouldn’t bother with the kids after a few weeks of having to pull his weight. Why is he paying so little towards bills? Why don’t you ask him to step up?

Thepossibility · 16/02/2023 20:33

You deserve better. Honestly who TF does he think he is?!
He's not even financially supporting you, why are you running yourself ragged staying with him?!
No one deserves this awful man.
Be free.

Heynow3 · 16/02/2023 20:34

Was he always like this?

Was he like this after the first child?

category12 · 16/02/2023 20:36

Zanatdy · 16/02/2023 20:33

He probably wouldn’t bother with the kids after a few weeks of having to pull his weight. Why is he paying so little towards bills? Why don’t you ask him to step up?

I doubt OP can have sensible discussions about him pulling his weight and money when he goes insane about skirting boards.

OP, if his "going insane" is not just a turn of phrase, then you may want to talk to Women's Aid or local domestic abuse services about how to exit the relationship safely.

Original poster
XYZ32 · 16/02/2023 20:39

Iv asked an he says he pays enough so basically he lives the high life an gets debt then adds it to what he pays to our bills, even though it doesn't come into consideration in my eyes as it isn't household bills or benefitting anyone in the house what he gets debt over .... so it doesn't count as a contribution?
if this makes sence
Not that he can't afford it as he can as he gets a good wage and he has money. But I get money an pay everything an left with nothing....

OP posts:
Original poster
XYZ32 · 16/02/2023 20:41

He never used to be like this. It's since we moved house and renovated. It's literally a white and glass house it's horrible if I'm honest

It's like talking to a child when trying to have a serious discussion over something like this and splitting up
He does know my feelings towards him but seems to act like Iv said nothing and continues to be horrible over constantly cleaning an how I'm not good enough

OP posts:
Emmamoo89 · 16/02/2023 20:43

Get rid

jmh740 · 16/02/2023 20:43

If you do split up then he probably won't pull his weight with the children but you won't have to put up with him and could live how you want to live, and he would have to pay maintenance.
Have you told him how unhappy you are?
What does he bring to yours and the children's lives?

Original poster
XYZ32 · 16/02/2023 20:45

jmh740 · 16/02/2023 20:43

If you do split up then he probably won't pull his weight with the children but you won't have to put up with him and could live how you want to live, and he would have to pay maintenance.
Have you told him how unhappy you are?
What does he bring to yours and the children's lives?

He gave me some sperm to create some amazing beautiful children but wasn't even worth taking my pants down looking back....
we get nothing from him what so ever

I couldn't care if he pulled his weight or not. I'd be glad get a break from him an be free an smile again

He's aware how unhappy I am, have been for a while I barely speak to him, I just avoid him like he's walking covid.

OP posts: