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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stripper talk in the office

72 replies

AlwaysTheGoodGirl · 16/02/2023 11:19

I'm no prude, but the continuous talk amongst the men at my work about 'going to the strippers' before the football match every weekend is starting to get to me. How much it is to get in, how much for a dance, what they do or don't do, it just makes me uncomfortable. I've been here for years and I know they see me as one of the lads, which is fine, but it's becoming incessant. On top of this, one of the women who is here part time (and I love her, she's funny and we have shared really in-depth conversations) she really seems to enjoy playing up to the men, also as one of the lads, and isn't shy talking about sex, but usually in a disgusting way, and they all have a good laugh, challenging each other to what they would do for a million pounds.... Meanwhile I am just trying to get my work done and pretend I'm not listening. Am I just being oversensitive???! By the way, there's nobody I can complain to. It's a small business and we all just muck in and get the job done.

Reading back before I click on post, I am coming across as a proper pearl clutcher!!! But I'm really not, I do have a good laugh with everyone here a lot of the time. I just don't want to feel uncomfortable and I think they're overstepping the mark.

OP posts:
Kranke · 16/02/2023 11:36

It’s not work appropriate. Interesting you think the women is ‘playing up to the men’, but you don’t think any of the men are ‘playing up’ to each other.

Zanatdy · 16/02/2023 11:40

I’m no prude but that would get on my nerves. Certainly wouldn’t happen in my office

SleekMamma · 16/02/2023 11:42

Are you the boss?
If so tell em to stop the sex chat.
If not then put up with it or leave.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 16/02/2023 11:42

Absolutely inappropriate

NotAnotherBathBomb · 16/02/2023 11:43

Wtf? This is a normal practice? Staying single forever.

Imtryingnottobother · 16/02/2023 11:44

Bunch of sad sacks. can you ask them if they have any other topics of conversation, this one’s really boring now.

TrainteaAnnie · 16/02/2023 11:52

OP what city are you in? I don't think this happens normally 🙃 I'm in Leeds and the lads hit the local pubs before footy normally

xogossipgirlxo · 16/02/2023 11:52

NotAnotherBathBomb · 16/02/2023 11:43

Wtf? This is a normal practice? Staying single forever.

Definitely not normal!

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 16/02/2023 11:54

I work in Leeds once a week and the men don’t talk about strippers. They’d be getting short shrift if they did

CuriousMama · 16/02/2023 11:56

Do you mean lap dancing clubs? I don't know anyone who goes or if they do they certainly wouldn't admit it. How odd.

Tell them to shut up and bore off.

SleeplessInEngland · 16/02/2023 11:56

Never start a statement with "I'm no prude...", it immediately makes people think you are.

I agree it seems inappropriate talk in a workplace though. What kind of sector is it?

eggsandbaconeveryday · 16/02/2023 11:58

Totally inappropriate talk in the workplace . Can you report it to HR ?

VioletaDelValle · 16/02/2023 12:00

NotAnotherBathBomb · 16/02/2023 11:43

Wtf? This is a normal practice? Staying single forever.

Definitely not normal.
Was a thing is the 80's and early 90's but it's not a normal thing anymore.

Original poster
AlwaysTheGoodGirl · 16/02/2023 12:01

The old boss retired a few months ago, and he was bad enough with inappropriate comments, but he would just put his foot in it, say the wrong thing then apologise. But the new boss just says what he likes, as if he doesn't think it's inappropriate to talk in detail about his lads weekends in Blackpool, and exactly what they all got up to. I know they all see me as 'posh' because I'm fairly quiet, and up until the past few weeks I would often get an apology if the talk went a bit far, but at the same time felt it was a bit patronising and I made a comment along the lines of "I'm not a flippen nun you know," which has possibly given them the green light to discuss lapdancing and birthday midgets (ffs) all they want. I can't win!

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 16/02/2023 12:03

I know I sound like a prude and don't care; one of the managers needs to step up and put a stop to it, its sexual harassment in the workplace.
If you are struggling to think of how to ask them to do that, try; ''imagine if someone had survived a recent assault and was subjected to this every day.''

Original poster
AlwaysTheGoodGirl · 16/02/2023 12:04

Of course I have the option to leave if I don't like it, but I've been here 12 years, it suits my childcare commitments, I enjoy the job and get on really well with everyone. Apart from this!

OP posts:
ACynicalDad · 16/02/2023 12:05

That is grim, and totally inappropriate for a workplace, even if there were no women there.

Timeforachangeisitnot · 16/02/2023 12:05

Do you have any HR representation ? This would be one for them. Some education needed as to what is appropriate in the workforce.

BaroldFromEastenders · 16/02/2023 12:06

Just say “fucking hell lads give it a rest will ya”

Xol · 16/02/2023 12:16

Can you subtly suggest that the constant talk about the same topic is really, really boring and it's time to change the subject? Or just change the subject anyway?

Dotjones · 16/02/2023 12:19

I'd say the colleague(s) who talk about sex may be crossing the line if they are going into explicit detail, so you could have a word with your manager about them.

I don't think there's anything wrong with them discussing strippers though, at the end of the day a stripper is just someone being paid to do a particular job and it's their choice to do that role.

JMSA · 16/02/2023 12:22

Yuck, yuck, yuck. I'm no prude either, but this is totally inappropriate.

ouch321 · 16/02/2023 12:22

Just say in a non joking tone...

"OK, enough now. Seriously."

Then walk away to make tea or whatever.

Then they'll huddle together and say ok, X seems a bit pissed off, maybe we should tone it down.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 16/02/2023 12:23

In all my many many years of attending football I have never met anyone who has gone to see strippers before the match. The odd few have maybe gone out afterwards, got pissed and ended up in a lap dance establishment but not planned in advance. Most of the blokes I know may occasionally talk about inappropriate sexual activities but not a regular daily basis. Even the most creepy ones have other things to talk about

Cocobutt · 16/02/2023 12:36

YANBU

My colleagues are constantly talking about sex and everything anyone says is related to sex in some way
e.g me asking if there’s a smaller item as this one is too big and “that’s what she said” reply or if someone’s eating fish “close your legs”.

I don’t mind it every now and then and think it’s funny but it annoys me when it’s constant as i think it’s totally inappropriate.

It’s like teenage boys and wonder if they try and do it to stay cool as most of them are older than me.

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