Stripper talk in the office

[AlwaysTheGoodGirl]

I'm no prude, but the continuous talk amongst the men at my work about 'going to the strippers' before the football match every weekend is starting to get to me. How much it is to get in, how much for a dance, what they do or don't do, it just makes me uncomfortable. I've been here for years and I know they see me as one of the lads, which is fine, but it's becoming incessant. On top of this, one of the women who is here part time (and I love her, she's funny and we have shared really in-depth conversations) she really seems to enjoy playing up to the men, also as one of the lads, and isn't shy talking about sex, but usually in a disgusting way, and they all have a good laugh, challenging each other to what they would do for a million pounds.... Meanwhile I am just trying to get my work done and pretend I'm not listening. Am I just being oversensitive???! By the way, there's nobody I can complain to. It's a small business and we all just muck in and get the job done.

Reading back before I click on post, I am coming across as a proper pearl clutcher!!! But I'm really not, I do have a good laugh with everyone here a lot of the time. I just don't want to feel uncomfortable and I think they're overstepping the mark.

Really?

And today we've got stories of someone being arrested for doing something untoward with a seagull, in great detail. With some follow-up jokes from the boss. Before that, it was a video that one of the lads had sent to everyone in the office, apart from me obviously, which in the end I was shown. Porn related, as usual. Of course I didn't want to see it, but the fact that it was clearly pointed out that it was deemed suitable for everyone except me, just makes me feel totally singled out as the sensitive one.... 😕

@AlwaysTheGoodGirl what a load of complete sad sacks- I would be tempted to record it and pop it over to their wives and partners. See if they think it's all fine and ok - some sadly will as they are desparate to have a bloke, any bloke, around

Oh dear I feel for you! I honestly don't know what you can do as you obviously have no support. Can you talk to the other woman in the office and tell her you find this banter upsetting? She's joining in with it because it's 'safer' to be taken as one of the lads. If you stick your neck out and say something you risk a lot of nastiness. This is total shit and shouldn't be happening but sadly it is. Talk to you the other woman - build an alliance!! Good luck x

The saddest part is that I wanted to bring my son in for his work experience, but it doesn't seem like such a good idea now....

@CriticalAlert the other woman in the office is usually the instigator!!

I feel like it's a no-win situation...

@AlwaysTheGoodGirl ah- a woman who gets off on being seen as'one of the lads'. She's a bit of a sad case too-

"Fuck sake lads, enough of the sex talk already! I know you're a bunch of sad sacks that only gets to see a naked woman if they pay for it, but shut the fuck now will you? I don't want to hear any more of that shit!"

Also next time the dodgy porn WhatsApp's go round, remind them what happens when these groups go public. Men have lost their jobs over it.

We just did anti-harassment training at my work and I can tell you this kind of talk wouldn't be allowed.

And today we've got stories of someone being arrested for doing something untoward with a seagull, in great detail.

If any of em tried doing anything inappropriate with the seagulls around here, they'd rip their dick off. Violent buggers they are.

It's called being a 'pick me girl'

Raise a grievance with your employer.
Tell them it counts as sexual harassment and that if you have to leave because of it, you will sue them for Constructive Dismissal

@Redebs indeed!! I worked with someone like this who busily told me it was the way she had 'got on' - her bosses thought she was 'good 'with the male clients. So clearly in her case coming across as a flirt/innuendo specialist was seen as a way to a sale. I left quite quickly, I like a laugh , but I wasn't prepared to talk dirty/flirt as part of the job.

I couldn't put up working somewhere like that - and I've worked in some male heavy places. However if you have to stay - I would absolutely no part in that sort of conversation and would be making distasteful faces to whoever dared to talk like that in my vicinity. I'd much rather get a reputation for being a prude that anything else - hell, I'd be a proud to be a prude amongst saddos like your colleagues.

I work in engineering and can't imagine any of the many many men I work with going on like this. I get on really well with some of them and they include me in some of the 'lads banter' but never anything like this. Worst I got was when I was pregnant, I kneeled down next to a colleagues desk as was uncomfortable and a manager (my friend) said 'you'd not be in that state if you got up off your knees'. I actually found it funny but told him later it wasn't very appropriate as there were younger women there who may not understand our relationship. He took it like a champ.
It doesn't sound much like your lot would

'Look lads, enough is enough. I'm sick of hearing about the strippers now. Play another tune for gods sake or take it out of my earshot'.

Just say 'you all remind me of my uncle billy'

uncle Billy, he spent years frequenting strip club and telling everyone in detail about how much he loves boobs and sex and all that ah uncle billy but he came out as gay in 2014 and by 2016 we all called him aunty Polly!

Every single time I tell that story, the men shut their necks and never talk about anything even remotely sexual again, lest they be called uncle Billy.

(nothing wrong with gay men or anything, it's just a lighthearted way to get what you want)

Brilliant. Play on their own piggishness

This is exactly what I would do initially and see what happens.

“Enough with the incel chat guys, I can’t hear myself think”

blends derision with plausible reason for them to back down and shut up without having to address your derision - if anyone tries then just go back to “I’m trying to concentrate on this and your yabbering is getting in my way - don’t you have work to do?”

In the past I’ve gone with “The 1970s have called and want their men back” and “Gene Hunt was a joke, not a role model”.

This is totally unacceptable. If the boss and other women are part of the problem and there's no HR then I'd buy some asshole-cancelling noise cancelling headphones and look for a new job.

Very typical chat in my industry of work (amongst the men).

It's mostly the women 🙄

Currently discussing the many uses of cucumbers, cackling away, and here I am uncomfortable in the corner. There is literally nobody I can talk to about it, or anyone that would back me up if I said anything.

Oh and now someone is showing everyone a photo of his friend's very large penis.