Would you contact a 94 year old?

[Showmethefood]

My dad and his side of the family had a massive row and stopped speaking to each other when I was 8 years old.

Im now in my 30s and have found out that my grandmother is still alive and she is 94. I have had no contact with her since I was 8. I’ve asked my family to put it right and make contact as I feel she will die soon - but they won’t. They’ve said I can if I want but they don’t think it’s a good idea.

It feels weird to me that i have a 94 year old grandmother still out there. I presumed she would be dead. I know the fall out was not my fault and I also know she chose to stop having contact with me, even though I had nothing to do with the row.

What would you do? Make contact or leave well alone? She’s never tried to make contact with me - so she must not love me or want to get to know me, right?

Do it! Write a gentle introductory letter explaining your relationship to your grandmother and how you would like to learn a bit more about her and her life because you've never had the privilege to meet her. Also explain that you know there was a family fall-out but you are keeping an open mind on the situation because you want to understand both sides of the argument.

She is 94. If you don't do it v. soon and to get to know her a bit better and the family history/knowledge she has to pass on and she then passes, you will be forever beating yourself for not having taken the initiative in the first place.

What the fuck have I just read? This is absolute bollocks.

@Showmethefood yes I would definitely contact her. It's totally up to you though, be prepared for both positive and negative reactions from her, although I imagine she'll be thrilled you have got in touch with her.

Good luck!

One thing I wanted to add (through having family estrangements myself), if you choose to contact her be prepared for old wounds to be reopened for your parents and the potential of being stuck in the middle while your Grandmother and parents reel off why each other are to blame. I think more harm than good may come from it and your Aunt is likely to think you are after money for your branch of the family.
I know my response is a bit negative. You have a lot of positive responses from people though. I just think it’s important you look at it from all angles before you make your decision.

Yes be prepared that you might be poking a stick in a hornets nest, families don't fall out for no reason in general.

Yeah, this is the thing isn’t it? She could have wrote me a letter when I was 18. It hurts that she hasn’t contacted me.*
*
She may or may not have spent a lot of time thinking of you and thinking of ways to reach out or being unhappy that she felt she couldn't or shouldn't. She may not have wanted to start another family row by getting in touch with you. What if you parents saw that as meddling or interfering or any way of them getting at them?

We fell out heavily with a SIL. She made it clear at that point we would not see our DN's for a very long time. She also told us not to send anything for them (if we couldn't see them we would always send something for birthdays etc). Another SIL has made many attempts and will keep doing so but SIL 1 makes it very very hard. We haven't stopped thinking of them but know that their mother does not want us in their lives.
If you write and receive no response it could be because she doesn't care, she's incapable of responding, or it was intercepted. I just don't think anyone can see inside her mind. Wish you all the best.

Go for it. You don't need anyones permission. Mention family tree or something. Let us know how you get on?