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Original poster

'Nicola Bulley's reputation 'destroyed' by police'

922 replies

MyrtIe · 16/02/2023 10:37

Article here

The points made about victim blaming and the police disclosing this information to cover themselves are spot on imo.

The usual gutter press are having a field day with this today.

What exactly was the point of it? What's it achieved, apart from compounding the heartache of her loved ones?

YABU - the police were right to divulge this sensitive information as it was relevant to the investigation

YANBU - there was absolutely no need to do so

OP posts:
Tomorrowillbeachicken · 17/02/2023 11:04

It reminds me of the Claudia Lawrence case and has from the start.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 17/02/2023 11:07

TheLadyofShalott1 · 17/02/2023 07:50

No, he wasn't @MrsDanversGlidesAgain you are correct about that.

However, when he was a young policeman, with a very young family, he was "advised" by a paramilitary organisation in his home Country to leave that Country or he and his young family would be killed. Most of his colleagues with the same specific feature as my DGDad (Thank God there weren't many, but of course even one was too many) were killed outright. He was apparently warned first because even that paramilitary organisation agreed that he was a man of honour, who had treated any of that paramilitary group's members (and their families) with scrupulous fairness and compassion, when he had had to deal with them.

[NB. I am definitely not saying that his colleagues who were murdered, were any less honourable than my Granddad. Maybe they hadn't had the opportunity to prove their own characteristics, as I said, there weren't many of them, and maybe they dealt with other factions in that society.]

So he had to leave his home Country, as did his Wife and Children, and his and her families behind, and move to another Country - not quite as bad as it sounds, but also not great, and very scary for them all. He was employed in that Country as a young policeman, and grew through the ranks, and was eventually given that medal for bravery.

Therefore, I think that if my Dear Grandad had been policing today, he would have coped with today's weird pressures just as well as he did with the ones in the past - and he was actually on the front pages of some newspapers even then, but always in a positive manner.

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How absolutely fascinating. 🙄

kirinm · 17/02/2023 11:09

Uptownswirl · 17/02/2023 10:50

Nothing the police have disclosed is anything to be ashamed of. The only people putting shame into the situation are the keyboard warriors and media

Oh yes, having an alcohol problem is never judged by anyone ever.

new2mn · 17/02/2023 11:22

Terzani · 16/02/2023 18:24

I think posters who are dismissing mental health issues linked to the menopause are internalising shame from a (patriarchal) society.

Maybe, but there's also a legitimate defensive reaction against the risk of unfair generalisations. Nobody wants to imagine a future when people find out that a woman is menopausal and by default think that she must have some MH issues and without HRT she risks becoming suicidal, alcoholic, an irrational animal who cannot work and cannot be trusted anymore.

"suicidal, alcoholic, an irrational animal who cannot work and cannot be trusted anymore."

Jesus Christ. Nicola Bulley – if she did, or indeed anyone else does, have alcoholism and suicidal thoughts linked to the menopause – does not deserve to be described like this.

Having issues does not make you any less of a human being. Much less an animal. NB would not be an animal if it turns out she had taken her own life.

Again, all those who want to project a happy perfect picture of NB, or who think it's preferable for her to have been abducted(!) than to have taken her own life, simply have a lot of internalised shame around MH issues, their own gender, etc.

itsgettingweird · 17/02/2023 11:35

kirinm · 17/02/2023 10:11

Even our hideous Home Secretary is not happy with the disclosure and since she is one of the most disgusting people in government, that is saying a lot.

Trust me.

She doesn't care that they disclosed it.

Only that taking the side that seems most popular will do the best for her career.

Known her for years and she doesn't have an ounce of empathy for anyone.

electricmoccasins · 17/02/2023 11:53

I think the police’s hand was forced when Mark Williams-Thomas said he had found out about the 10th January home visit and asked Lancs. Police what they were going to do about it. It’s possible he is the individual being referred to in the family’s statement regarding people going to the press.

Felix125 · 17/02/2023 12:25

There are 3 possible outcomes here:

1 - 3rd party involvement, kidnap, murder
2 - Suicide
3 - She has got to the point where she feels her family are better off without her and wants to disappear and not be found again

Everyone, including the police, are hoping that is 3. Then we can still find her alive and get her the support she needs and bring her back home

If she doesn't want to be found - she could be anywhere in the country by now - very easy for a person to travel without having to buy tickets - hop on and off trains, hitch on the back of trucks etc etc. And she will change her appearance so she is not easily recognised anymore and she certainly wont be using her real name.

Now we know she has alcohol issues - it could be that a shop owner in say Aberdeen has had a female come and go from his shop buying alcohol over recent days with loose change and shop owner has not really had a good look at her. But now they are aware she has alcohol issues - they will give her a good look next time or talk to her. Or support services she might be accessing under a pseudonym, drop in centres etc

She also has to eat - so she may be accessing homeless feeding stations to get food, or finding food in restaurant bins etc etc. and she will be keeping her head down doing this to keep a low profile - the proprietors might give her a second look next time she attends. and talk to her, look at her etc phone the police if they think it might be her.

The police will have had this information from the start - but probably did not want to release it in the hope that she would have been found by now. Its got to the stage now where it needs to be released to widen the public's gaze for her.

Ask yourself - how many homeless people have you seen in your area recently huddled in a shop door way. Have you gone over and given them a good look over to make sure its not Nicola? If you haven't done this, then most other people won't have done it either.

If she is out there - there is a good chance she is hidden in plain sight.

RuOnGLUE · 17/02/2023 12:43

I cant imagine how difficult that must be for you, so many of the symptoms of hyperthyroidism and menopause are similar because both are involved in things like the bodies ability to carry out its usual functions and regulation of things like temperature , sleep, mood and appetite. cardiac rhythm and so on, but the causes are different and need a different remedy , i think its important that you are happy with your treatment and your endocrinologist because it just adds another layer of misery if you feel misunderstood or uncomfortable or rushed, i think its also worth asking if there any active trials you could be considered for, or support groups or start your own, other women are such a good resource and not given enough credit for the wealth of help and knowledge they have to offer, and its nice to talk to people who can relate specifically to what you are experiencing. xxx

Emotionalsupportviper · 17/02/2023 13:07

Amethystanddiamonds · 16/02/2023 12:03

You've never had the misfortune of an alcoholic parent have you?

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I had two.

VinylCafe · 17/02/2023 14:33

JoaquinRoll · 16/02/2023 10:53

When after a day or two it was clear that the police had decided what happened I turned to my H and said, please don't stop looking for me if I go missing.
To me it reads that they are absolutely trying to stop the public discourse about the case and just accept the fact that she's a missing person and for the press coverage to die down.
They say there's no evidence she's been taken. Well there's no evidence she's fallen in the river. What evidence there is, is that where there was once a person, now there is not. To lean towards any hypothesis must be terrifying for the family.
I hope and pray she is found safe and well, whatever has happened.

At a time when women feel more vulnerable than ever about how they are treated by police they couldn't have made a bigger misstep than divulging private information basically to try and cover their own behinds. Even if the info was 'relevant' there are ways of saying she was known to the police without giving out specifics. They'll be blaming women going missing on having a funny turn or 'just their time of the month' next.

So we'll written. I can't agree more.

ThreeRingCircus · 17/02/2023 15:24

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 16/02/2023 11:36

The problem is that the armchair idiot detectives were actively interfering with the police investigation. They had to do something.

And part of the problem was people supposedly friends with her fuelling misinformation - like the close friend stating on Facebook that the abandoned house hadn’t been searched because of the owners objecting when it had been searched multiple times.

Perhaps now people will listen to only the police and her close family. Rather than random people claiming closeness as they state “facts”.

I agree with this. I know the area very well and have a good friend within Lancashire police....she has said that people turning up, breaking into buildings and spreading misinformation as fact has been unprecedented and wasted police time, it has definitely hampered the investigation.

People were crying out that the police were ruling out a third party, they always said they had an open mind but they had reasons for their river theory...that wasn't good enough apparently. How can people not grasp that the police have more information than they have disclosed? They have her internet search history, online communications, background information on the welfare incident in January. But again for people online that's not good enough.

For what it's worth I do think the police have made a mistake in that they should have said she was a vulnerable missing person from the start. I don't know whether the family disagreed with that..... certainly her partner neglected to mention it during his interviews with the media. However people have been accusing the family, friends, suggesting that her partner may have had something to do with it etc and this needed to stop.

The police statement was released with the family's knowledge, the family have made a statement giving even more detail. It was known locally that she had issues with alcohol and so called friends of hers were going to go to the press, so the police got ahead of it with the family's consent.

I don't think it's at all sexist to mention she was struggling with menopause. Menopause can cause some women absolute hell and can affect their mental health. That's something we should be understanding of and shining a light on. It's highly relevant to the investigation. People demanded that they get more and more information, when the police said there were vulnerabilities that still wasn't good enough and then when they've said more they're being lambasted.

I do not think the police have handled this perfectly, but they have been hampered by the public and media frenzy over this case.

itsgettingweird · 17/02/2023 15:31

I don't think it's at all sexist to mention she was struggling with menopause. Menopause can cause some women absolute hell and can affect their mental health. That's something we should be understanding of and shining a light on. It's highly relevant to the investigation. People demanded that they get more and more information, when the police said there were vulnerabilities that still wasn't good enough and then when they've said more they're being lambasted.

Agree it shouldn't be classed as sexist.

And there's been great media co erase of the peri menopause and menopause the past few days that's been really informative and educational and can hopefully help woman in future.

At a time where menopause leave was refused as it apparently discriminates against men we need the seriousness of the situation for some woman to be highlighted.

Needtopost · 17/02/2023 16:33

I don't have time to.read a lot of this ... But I believe I was probably the first person to spot, and interrupt the 'outpourings' in the very early threads.
I was shot down.
I'm glad that most of the repetitive rubbish has been ended.
At least the most recent stuff is more measured.

What makes me ineffably sad is that we STILL demonise/stigmatise alcoholism .... even now ...
OMG , her kids might find out etc ...
They know.
They lived with her.
Mum was/is poorly.
Please - if any of you know (however close to you, or just slightly) any alcoholics who may be struggling (it released - no help will be welcomed if not right time for them ... but there will be a 'right time' ... Look out for it)

Meanwhile ... alcoholism is an ILLNESS. Not a source of shame.
An ILLNESS.

I hope there is a good outcome.
There could be ...

angela99999 · 17/02/2023 17:07

MyrtIe · 16/02/2023 11:26

I've had these issues. I also have a missing sibling with a history of addiction.

I still say that although the issues may be relevant to the case, they were relevant when Nicola went missing, and only to those looking for her.

There was absolutely no need to make these issues public at this point.

If anything happened to me I'd hate to think of my family seeing the sort of headlines that have appeared today, and I can't see how, at this point, those headlines would help find me anyway.

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One of my children (now adult) went missing for 4 years. She had a history of drug use and mental health problems but the police were never interested.
I think it is ludicrous that so much fuss in being made about this one missing person, though obviously her family and friends are suffering.

Emotionalsupportviper · 17/02/2023 17:19

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 17/02/2023 11:07

How absolutely fascinating. 🙄

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No need to be snarky!

ALongHardWinter · 17/02/2023 17:36

Victim blaming/shaming at its finest IMO.

Trinity65 · 17/02/2023 17:49

Meltinthemiddle · 16/02/2023 11:29

Oh my goodness people are never satisfied and always quick to blame. The information is relevant to their theory. If they do find her body it will all come out in a inquest anyway. The police have said all along they have more information but didn't disclose it, but everyone thought after a few netflix crime series they were more qualified then the police to solve the case. At the end of the day she is a normal human being, with struggles. I don't judge her any less for it because this is life and we all have our demons.

Absolutely agree
💯%

new2mn · 17/02/2023 17:51

angela99999 · 17/02/2023 17:07

One of my children (now adult) went missing for 4 years. She had a history of drug use and mental health problems but the police were never interested.
I think it is ludicrous that so much fuss in being made about this one missing person, though obviously her family and friends are suffering.

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I think it's because they painted such a happy shiny picture of her at the start (which I think is overcompensating in hindsight).

What intrigued me at first was testimonies from friends and families all talking about how happy and active and vibrant and just perfect she was. And how suicide was absolutely out of the question for her – one of them literally said this. So how could she just have disappeared like that?

If they'd released her issues at the start, I don't think many would have been interested. Unfortunately, people are just not interested in victims with addiction, mental health problems, etc issues. Maybe compassion fatigue and hopelessness, as it's a fundamental issue with societal structure/lack of support.

I actually think the police mentioning menopause was to "humanise" her and "justify" her alcoholism issues in front of the public. Even now, she retains that shred of middle-class respectability and relatability because of that. If they'd just said alcoholism, people would be a lot harsher and would have lost interest faster. Even now, people on MN simply can't accept that NB really had alcoholism or MH issues, as that would "demonise" her too much for them.

angela99999 · 17/02/2023 18:01

Even if these issues had been mentioned initially I still don't think they justify using all these police resources on one of many thousands of missing people. The police in the UK normally make very little attempt to find missing adults.

angela99999 · 17/02/2023 18:05

I'm guessing that many people currently living rough were ordinary "missing" people with MH or alcohol problems which escalated. Did the police do much to find them?

7eleven · 17/02/2023 18:08

angela99999 · 17/02/2023 18:05

I'm guessing that many people currently living rough were ordinary "missing" people with MH or alcohol problems which escalated. Did the police do much to find them?

No, they don’t.

It reads as if your child came home in the end? I hope they are well xx

DancingOnThinIce73 · 17/02/2023 18:10

Couldn’t agree with @new2mn more. They realised the menopause info exactly because otherwise the majority of the public just write off ‘filthy alcy’. They seem to be trying to almost justify the alcohol issues with a nice, safe, reason that people can sympathise with. As if the majority of alcoholics just start drinking themselves to death because they fancy it.

DancingOnThinIce73 · 17/02/2023 18:13

released not realised 😭

Newnamenewme23 · 17/02/2023 18:21

angela99999 · 17/02/2023 18:01

Even if these issues had been mentioned initially I still don't think they justify using all these police resources on one of many thousands of missing people. The police in the UK normally make very little attempt to find missing adults.

bollocks.

The Police make all effort to find missing people. Assessed by risk, obviously.

have a look at your local police FB and count the appeals. There’s usually at least on a day for our local force. And that’s just the one’s they’re really worried about like children or suicide risk.

this one hasn’t had more resources. Searching rivers and land isn’t unusual. This one just has more public attention.

this one, for example. Last seen 9th jan. Washed up in a river in the next city last week.

www.westyorkshire.police.uk/news-appeals/extensive-searches-continue-missing-andrew-spencer-keighley

angela99999 · 17/02/2023 18:24

7eleven · 17/02/2023 18:08

No, they don’t.

It reads as if your child came home in the end? I hope they are well xx

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She did reappear but has never come home. Still has MH issues and lives a sad life, now in her late 40s.