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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

'Nicola Bulley's reputation 'destroyed' by police'

922 replies

MyrtIe · 16/02/2023 10:37

Article here

The points made about victim blaming and the police disclosing this information to cover themselves are spot on imo.

The usual gutter press are having a field day with this today.

What exactly was the point of it? What's it achieved, apart from compounding the heartache of her loved ones?

YABU - the police were right to divulge this sensitive information as it was relevant to the investigation

YANBU - there was absolutely no need to do so

OP posts:
User98866 · 17/02/2023 08:15

Isthisexpected · 17/02/2023 08:09

I don't understand why we, the public, need to know why someone is vulnerable though? In what way does that change whether you come forward as a witness? As that's the only benefit to the case I can see.

It implies that they likely haven’t been abducted or murdered and therefore quells a media circus and massive public panic.

TheLadyofShalott1 · 17/02/2023 08:27

Uptownswirl · 16/02/2023 18:21

I absolutely agree. My Dear, but long departed Granddad, was a very well regarded policeman, he would be so ashamed of the Police Force right now. They should never disclose something publicly just to make themselves look better

at a conservative estimate based on the average age of a mumsnetter I would hazard a guess your grandad policed in the 50s and 60s if you're younger then they policed through the life on Mars era of the 70s and 80s. Hardly the height of wonderful policing! I suggest you look into the mishandling of the Yorkshire ripper case for an example of how your grandad policed. Never mind the rampant misogyny and overt sexual assaults on female officers

Hello @Uptownswirl, my Grandfather actually "policed" between the late 20th Century teens, up to the 1950s.

My Granddad was not misogynistic, nor would he have allowed any of his officers to behave in that way. My Grandfather was a total Gentleman, but he also had a very strong ethical code, which he would not have been scared to enforce in his officers. I think - and certainly hope - that it is likely that most officers in those days also had a very good set of morals.

Apart from trying to denigrate my Grandfather, I don't actually know what point you are trying to make Uptown? It is not as if I am saying that Police Forces used to be perfect. I was talking about my own DGF, not Police Forces in general. To talk about British Police Forces in general, my personal viewpoint is that very sadly many of their branches seem to have been deteriorating for a very long time. Again my own thoughts on this matter have to include how their deterioration appears to be in line with (if not actually mirroring) our whole society's decline in ethical, educational, and compassionate behaviours, and that is far too massive a subject to even contemplate covering here, in this thread.

Thighlengthboots · 17/02/2023 08:38

Its the way the info has been released thats concerning. If they had said right at the beginning we believe Nicola to be vulnerable and we are concerned for her welfare as they do for many other missing people there wouldnt be the speculation there is now. But they did not do that. They didnt even tell the divers about it so why?- if the information was so pertinent/important why not tell the searchers/divers? They only released she was vulnerable AFTER they were criticized. THEN, when they were criticized again, they drip fed the stuff about alcohol and the menopause. This weird drip of personal information is coming across as extremely inappropriate, odd and defensive. When men go missing who are vulnerable they say we are concerned about their welfare. They dont then drip feed later on "he was concerned about his prostate" or "he had low testosterone" etc The way they have handled this is utterly appalling.

Dulra · 17/02/2023 08:41

They thought, ‘oh shit that woman we dismissed 2 weeks ago in a crisis call out is now missing and it will come out we visited and did nothing, and now probably the worst has happened’.
To me this is not on the police, this is on the woeful mental health services. Police are not psychiatrists/ psychologists all they can do is bring someone to A&E no one knows what happened at that call out. Maybe they gave the family the only option they had to help as in bring the person to A&E and the family didn't see this as the best solution.

DeeCeeCherry · 17/02/2023 08:49

The police are utter fools, and shouldn't have bowed down to social media and oddball armchair detectives. Who DON'T need to know about her alcohol issues or that menopause had changed her behaviour 🙄. Her private life is nothing to do with amateur sleuths, speculators etc it's just giving them more gossip fodder. I mean it's not as if now they know this info they're going to magically solve the case is it? & It isn't information that's going to help anyone to find her. So what is the relevance?

Its simply more info for them to chew over and keep pontificating, whilst solaciously craving more and more tidbits. Whilst the police are trying to take the heat off themselves by implying mental health issues = she jumped in the river, or went off voluntarily. They don't know that this is the case at all, and nor do armchair sleuths. Her disappearance has not been solved.

I'm interested in the case yes, in terms of wanting to hear that she's been found. That's what matters

BornFreeButinChains · 17/02/2023 08:52

User

It doesn't though.
Anything literally could have happened.

dottiedodah · 17/02/2023 09:03

I think the whole thing has been mishandled tbh.apparently a regional news channel got hold of the story and made it public.since then it's seemed to take on a life of its own.most worrying is that if she is still alive she may worry about coming home .the police seemed only interested in covering their own backs.the theory that she must be in the river has been trotted out by them even though no evidence has been found

itsgettingweird · 17/02/2023 09:09

Dr Samir on Lorraine (ITV) has just said a great stamens for people to be sashayed of themselves for using this information for personal gain.

itsgettingweird · 17/02/2023 09:10

itsgettingweird · 17/02/2023 09:09

Dr Samir on Lorraine (ITV) has just said a great stamens for people to be sashayed of themselves for using this information for personal gain.

WFt is wrong with my iPad?

Made a statement

Should be ashamed of themselves

Walkaround · 17/02/2023 09:12

Such utter hypocrisy from people - demanding yet more information to explain the apparent giving of too much information. If you want the verbal diarrhoea to stop, you stop insisting the police keep talking. This whole farce was caused by weeks of unhelpful public speculation, encouraged by the police respecting the family’s privacy too much at the start and not describing her as vulnerable in the first place. Where there is an information vacuum, the trolls and ghouls fill in the blanks with their lurid fantasies, or worse, people known to the family seek to profit from their misery by selling their stories - because of the excessive interest and demands to be fed more information.

LemonTT · 17/02/2023 09:13

Dulra · 17/02/2023 08:41

They thought, ‘oh shit that woman we dismissed 2 weeks ago in a crisis call out is now missing and it will come out we visited and did nothing, and now probably the worst has happened’.
To me this is not on the police, this is on the woeful mental health services. Police are not psychiatrists/ psychologists all they can do is bring someone to A&E no one knows what happened at that call out. Maybe they gave the family the only option they had to help as in bring the person to A&E and the family didn't see this as the best solution.

Quite. If she was having a mental health crisis in the home then the responsibility lies with the crisis team to act. They were present and it would have been their decision to take her into medical care or to section. Different matter if it happened in a public place.

LemonTT · 17/02/2023 09:32

User98866 · 17/02/2023 08:15

It implies that they likely haven’t been abducted or murdered and therefore quells a media circus and massive public panic.

I don’t know about that. Being vulnerable makes a person more susceptible to be a victim of certain crimes, as well as accidents and self harm.

A missing person case would not normally have received such a high level of response within the timeframe this one did. There was an immediate high level response. This is part of what triggered the immediate press speculation and partly kept it going. This was headline from the start and a large search team was deployed.

The issue is that she was portrayed in the media as a happy and healthy person. Mother of two with a good life and lots of family and friends. I would say that the police were the least guilty of pushing this image. MSM and SM did that.

There is no such thing as a perfect search. Evidence, people and bodies can be concealed or go unfound with sonar, dogs and large search teams.

kirinm · 17/02/2023 10:11

Even our hideous Home Secretary is not happy with the disclosure and since she is one of the most disgusting people in government, that is saying a lot.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 17/02/2023 10:14

kirinm · 17/02/2023 10:11

Even our hideous Home Secretary is not happy with the disclosure and since she is one of the most disgusting people in government, that is saying a lot.

Surely people can see that stunt for what it is?

Deeply unpopular Home Secretary jumps in on the side that the most vocal public appear to be on…

I mean, maybe there is a small chance she’s grown a heart in recent times, but I think that’s highly unlikely

kirinm · 17/02/2023 10:17

Quite possibly but there a lot of people expressing major concerns now.

adriftabroad · 17/02/2023 10:17

nearly 43. That is why.

adriftabroad · 17/02/2023 10:19

You should not make such a revolting inference about half the population once they reach mid 40[s

kirinm · 17/02/2023 10:20

Mirabai · 17/02/2023 08:01

It’s become clear this morning why the police have kept so quiet on the original details.

It doesn’t explain why the police were quiet - normally in the circumstances that someone goes missing when vulnerable - the police flag that from the start so the public have a grasp of what might be going on what they’re looking out for.

Had the police done that the media narrative would not have spiralled out of control. This case is a lesson in how not to deal with a MP case.

What’s particularly strange is that while it makes it more likely she may have ended up in the water, it also makes it more likely to have left of her own volition - so the rigid focus on the river is still problematic

The opposite actually. I'd have assumed they had concerns she had been abducted. Do the police normally carry out these sorts of searches for presumed suicides?

WedonttalkaboutMaureen · 17/02/2023 10:41

Guavafish1 · 16/02/2023 11:30

I think its relevant information, even if the information is not nice.

It's important to know about the alcohol and recent police visits. Especially when the case is high profile.

Important for who to know? The gawping public? Why do they have a right to personal, private medical information?
The police have bowed to media pressure and I'm ashamed of them for doing so.

Untitledsquatboulder · 17/02/2023 10:44

Walkaround · 17/02/2023 09:12

Such utter hypocrisy from people - demanding yet more information to explain the apparent giving of too much information. If you want the verbal diarrhoea to stop, you stop insisting the police keep talking. This whole farce was caused by weeks of unhelpful public speculation, encouraged by the police respecting the family’s privacy too much at the start and not describing her as vulnerable in the first place. Where there is an information vacuum, the trolls and ghouls fill in the blanks with their lurid fantasies, or worse, people known to the family seek to profit from their misery by selling their stories - because of the excessive interest and demands to be fed more information.

👏 👏 👏

TrinnySmith · 17/02/2023 10:47

The media saw this as yet another sex attack and murder - giving them juicy headlines for weeks to come.
Then the bubble was burst by the truth. But yet they won't let it go.

Uptownswirl · 17/02/2023 10:48

Walkaround · 17/02/2023 09:12

Such utter hypocrisy from people - demanding yet more information to explain the apparent giving of too much information. If you want the verbal diarrhoea to stop, you stop insisting the police keep talking. This whole farce was caused by weeks of unhelpful public speculation, encouraged by the police respecting the family’s privacy too much at the start and not describing her as vulnerable in the first place. Where there is an information vacuum, the trolls and ghouls fill in the blanks with their lurid fantasies, or worse, people known to the family seek to profit from their misery by selling their stories - because of the excessive interest and demands to be fed more information.

This with glitter and bells on!

These investigations are only being conducted because the public have no understanding of how policing works. Ministers are jumping on the popularity bus and people are clamouring for their 5 minutes of fame.

Have the family, at any stage, said anything derogatory about the police? Surely that's what matters? The family are happy with the investigation, end of discussion. Let them get on with it

TrinnySmith · 17/02/2023 10:48

@WedonttalkaboutMaureen

How would you have kept private stuff out of the headlines/SM??
please explain.

Uptownswirl · 17/02/2023 10:50

Nothing the police have disclosed is anything to be ashamed of. The only people putting shame into the situation are the keyboard warriors and media

WedonttalkaboutMaureen · 17/02/2023 11:02

NotMyWorld · 16/02/2023 11:47

I feel incredibly angry that they have released this information, especially as it seems to be as a direct result at their ability being doubted by the public. The armchair detectives like on the threads on here, idiots on tiktok etc have gone on and on about not believing the police despite them saying there were very valid reasons for their hypothesis.

We can’t necessarily stop the horrible threads like on here, (fuck knows what number the obsessives are on now), or posts on tiktok, but the police should absolutely not give in to these people constantly questioning.

I think we should all be feeling quite annoyed that should our families be involved in a high profile case, that the idiot armchair detectives and vultures need for gossip, could mean that ours or our loved ones very personal information, could be released to them.

How fucking dare the police do this? And seemingly because they couldn’t just ignore the idiots like those who are obsessed with this case, who are posting photos of cameras not working and maps of the area, insisting the police are wrong despite knowing fuck all. Should the police not be above giving in to these vultures? As long as their processes are thorough, other teams are checking to make sure nothing is overlooked, they should ignore the public’s demands when they do not need that information.

Yes to all this

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