'Nicola Bulley's reputation 'destroyed' by police'

[MyrtIe]

Article here

The points made about victim blaming and the police disclosing this information to cover themselves are spot on imo.

The usual gutter press are having a field day with this today.

What exactly was the point of it? What's it achieved, apart from compounding the heartache of her loved ones?

YABU - the police were right to divulge this sensitive information as it was relevant to the investigation

YANBU - there was absolutely no need to do so

Do you know what a functional alcoholic is?

The police management of this investigation has been dire. The line from the start should have been that she went missing while in a vulnerable state, which is what they normally say in this type of scenario. Then public would then understand the nature of the situation.

Instead they chose to peddle the narrative that she had fallen in the river while walking the dog - which never seemed very likely - so begged many questions, and indicated they had ruled out third party involvement prematurely.

Apart from anything else - women in the locality need to know if there’s a possibility that could come to harm. Some have been afraid to walk their dog alone until the outcome of the case was known. That’s just bad policing on a community level.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-64665835

sounds very much like the police and family reluctantly decided to release the info before it came out via the sun or daily mail.

then at least the could put us across in a sympathetic way.

I should have finished reading the whole thread before I asked my question. I think you've answered it so thank you.

That does make sense of it.

Is there a press complaints standards body? I really think how the press have acted needs to be called into question over this

Is admitting to a recent history of mental health and menopause related issues that shameful?

Not at all saying this is what happened here, but if I had alcoholism and mental health issues (possibly related to the menopause, which is widely linked to mental health issues - female researchers have called for more funding and attention for this serious issue) and took my own life... And people (both my family and strangers) insisted that that was such a shameful prospect that they couldn't accept it and it would be a better alternative for me to have been abducted or murdered, I think I would feel very hurt, ashamed and upset.

I hadn't realised the narrative around MH and menopause-related issues was so stigma-filled. So many people on MN are saying the police are "smearing" her character, etc.

It's like in some countries, it's better for a female to be murdered than raped, as the latter is such a shameful prospect.

Again I'm absolutely not saying suicide was what happened here, but people are acting like it's too shameful a possibility to even contemplate.

You have the most ridiculous reasoning.

It is not what people are saying at all.

Of course, but many people go through life without depression, and yet enough people go through depression for it to have become a serious societal topic.

I think posters who are dismissing mental health issues linked to the menopause are internalising shame from a (patriarchal) society. We're told by men/society that periods and period cramps are embarrassing/dirty/weak, same for menopause (and related issues), overall just being a woman and having a woman's biology is embarrassing and weak. And you believe it.

Female researchers often cite a strong link between menopause and mental health issues (including suicidal inclinations), and have called for greater funding and legitimacy for this serious issue. They've said if it was faced by men, it would already be an important topic by now.

What is it with you people??? It's not a bloody cover up!!!!! Someone was going to sell the story to the papers so the police released it first! Maybe think before you type.

I can't believe people could judge like that, I mean this is the 21st century. As a child in the late 50s I can remember being sent to the local chemists with a note from my mother asking for sanitary towels, they were then produced from under the counter already wrapped in brown paper lest anyone know a grown woman might be menstruating. I thought we'd moved on.

As someone who had a really easy menopause and have been teetotal all my life I can't understand the shame about this. I have nothing but sympathy for women who struggle with the menopause and it happens to all women who are fortunate to live that long. I seem to be in a minority as a lifelong teetotaller and I feel sympathy, anyone who drinks alcohol should at least feel the same as me but probably with a bit more understanding of the issue.

That's why a few posters from the original threads are not on here I imagine because it doesn't suit their narrative.

My Dear, but long departed Granddad, was a very well regarded policeman, he would be so ashamed of the Police Force right now

I assume your dear but long departed granddad wasn't trying to investigate with 24 hour social media, tabloids and self-appointed experts breathing down his neck all the time.

Jesus Christ how people stoop so low as to try sell the poor woman's details to the gutter press is beyond me
Disgusting and evil kerb licking bastards I hope they get what's due to them

Then the press should hang their heads in shame too!

There wouldn’t be vipers willing to sell a story if there wasn’t a money laden carrot dangling before their eyes!

Some women go through menopause with minimal effects < nicola bulley sadly is not one of those women is she? No-one is being reduced to their fertility status, or being defined as less than. It is not an insult, or character flaw or a crisis that should be hidden like a dirty secret, be as smug as you like about sailing through menopause, but know this, it was just dumb luck nothing more.
It is important to know that approaching menopause can trigger a mental health crisis, not just, the reactivation of symptoms of pre existing condition either, as the peri menopause can trigger a first episode of schizophrenia or psychosis, self harm and sudden suicide ideation, it is also indiscriminate.
This may be far from what nicola bulley experienced however i feel on a forum such as MN reductive comments are not helpful and you are doing women a disservice by minimising the severity of symptoms some women may experience.
There is help available HRT may indeed make the symptoms worse and many women will on occasion self medicate with alcohol, there are if you look plenty of first hand accounts online , below are the links to some studies by smarter people than i.
Regarding never having heard a man described in such a way, if you had, what difference would it make? would you feel less patronised, not everything is an attack on women, but if you really want to change the narrative you first have to remove the stigma from mental health whatever its cause, knowing the facts about peri menopause/ menopause from a biological perspective may change how you feel about your OP .

://www.researchgate.net/publication/235322232_Psychotic_Disorders_and_Menopause_The_Untold_Story
www.health.harvard.edu/blog/sleep-stress-or-hormones-brain-fog-during-perimenopause-202104092429

I really can’t believe the shitstorm this story has generated.

Those poor girls. They just want their Mum home. Must be like a living nightmare!

That SM pressure should dealt with by a separate arm of the Police and not the investigating team.

Can you imagine if a man went missing, the Police would release a statement saying he suffered from ED and was using Alcohol to cope? Wouldn't happen.

There is no reason for the public to know this woman's personal medical details, thats down to NB herself and until we find out otherwise, we have to assume she may still be alive.

I absolutely agree. My Dear, but long departed Granddad, was a very well regarded policeman, he would be so ashamed of the Police Force right now. They should never disclose something publicly just to make themselves look better

at a conservative estimate based on the average age of a mumsnetter I would hazard a guess your grandad policed in the 50s and 60s if you're younger then they policed through the life on Mars era of the 70s and 80s. Hardly the height of wonderful policing! I suggest you look into the mishandling of the Yorkshire ripper case for an example of how your grandad policed. Never mind the rampant misogyny and overt sexual assaults on female officers

The police have lost control of this matter now. Information will continue to drip out from them, the family and associates/neighbours/friends via the media until we know every prurient detail of her life and struggles. Meanwhile, she’s still missing and may never be found. Awful situation which will damage her children for life.

There was a lad that went missing a couple of years ago who was later found hanging high up in a tree. All sorts of slander was said about him including that he'd been fed to the pigs at the local farm!

I think posters who are dismissing mental health issues linked to the menopause are internalising shame from a (patriarchal) society.

Maybe, but there's also a legitimate defensive reaction against the risk of unfair generalisations. Nobody wants to imagine a future when people find out that a woman is menopausal and by default think that she must have some MH issues and without HRT she risks becoming suicidal, alcoholic, an irrational animal who cannot work and cannot be trusted anymore.

I agree menapause has been absolutely hellish for me I'm functioning on 2 or 3 hours sleep a night with a lot of other symptoms then the added stress of the family it's not good at all and I cannot wait for it all to be over.

FFS don't you read??? Someone was going to sell Nicolas life to the press so the family agreed with the police and they released a statement, the police have done nothing wrong.