Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Nicola Bulley's reputation 'destroyed' by police'

922 replies

MyrtIe · 16/02/2023 10:37

Article here

The points made about victim blaming and the police disclosing this information to cover themselves are spot on imo.

The usual gutter press are having a field day with this today.

What exactly was the point of it? What's it achieved, apart from compounding the heartache of her loved ones?

YABU - the police were right to divulge this sensitive information as it was relevant to the investigation

YANBU - there was absolutely no need to do so

OP posts:
Thinkingofthings · 16/02/2023 13:10

Ppbbww9 · 16/02/2023 13:09

Why do you think knowing that someone is struggling mentally should "ruin their reputation"? Anyone can suffer from mental health issues and it is nothing to be ashamed of.

Well said

SummerWinds · 16/02/2023 13:12

The police will hopefully learn from this fiasco and insist on a total news blackout next time. The media has played an appalling part and stirred up a lot of trouble.
I am surprised by the comments relating to latest information and that people cannot see the relevance. it seems pretty obvious to me.
So many on here appear to be anti police and haven't got a clue about how they operate.
I am not directing this at NB but alot of alcoholics are fully functioning, they build up such a high tolerance you wouldn't know they have been drinking.

FindingMeno · 16/02/2023 13:12

Shame on the police.
Again.

Original poster
MyrtIe · 16/02/2023 13:14

Thinkingofthings · 16/02/2023 13:10

Well said

Show quote history

As a recovering addict I know very well that there's still stigma around addiction. It's wrong, of course, but it's true. I'm not ashamed of my issues, but I still am the subject of gossip even though that period of my life ended a long time ago.

It's not shameful, but it can be damaging sadly.

And that's quite apart from the motives involved in divulging this information in this case.

OP posts:
potniatheron · 16/02/2023 13:14

SummerWinds · 16/02/2023 13:12

The police will hopefully learn from this fiasco and insist on a total news blackout next time. The media has played an appalling part and stirred up a lot of trouble.
I am surprised by the comments relating to latest information and that people cannot see the relevance. it seems pretty obvious to me.
So many on here appear to be anti police and haven't got a clue about how they operate.
I am not directing this at NB but alot of alcoholics are fully functioning, they build up such a high tolerance you wouldn't know they have been drinking.

A total news blackout wouldn't be terribly helpful in finding a missing person.

Original poster
MyrtIe · 16/02/2023 13:15

Also, the thread title is a quote from the article linked, not my own words.

OP posts:
WiIson · 16/02/2023 13:17

Maybe there shouldn't be a stigma against these things but there is. And I don't think anyone has the right to say, well there's nothing to be ashamed of anyway and go ahead to publicly reveal someone's else's confidential information based on that premise. Its that person who has to then deal with that shame and stigma then . Not the 'well there shouldn't be a stigma anyway brigade'.

cherish123 · 16/02/2023 13:18

@potniatheron I think you are spot on. Although, I think police would need her parents' consent as they would be next of kin.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/02/2023 13:21

potniatheron · 16/02/2023 11:24

"Significant issues with alcohol" is polite euphemism for a serious alcohol use disorder. Alcoholism as it used to be called (and still is, in AA). As an alcoholic myself (now thankfully sober over 10 years) I can say that it is very relevant. What non-alkies don't necessarily appreciate if that when you're severely in the illness, you have alcohol in your system all the time. And you don't necessarily always act 'drunk' or 'tipsy' like normal peope do. So, to give an example of what used to happen to me: I'd drink heavily at night, wake up in the morning and still be drunk but very functional, you wouldn't be able to tell it from me unless you got up really close. I'd sound OK on the phone, be able to get up, organise my day etc etc. Then, after being up a couple of hours, I might have a very small nip of something to 'top myself up' and somehow (I'm not a doctor) that would reactive all the alcohol already in my system and make it kick in really hard so that I'd be staggering, physically shaky, extremely disorientated. Not really sure of what I was doing or what I was supposed to do next.

NB's problems were that bad that the police had recently had to do a welfare check which again is a euphemism for someone was worried that she had harmed herself and got the police to go round there. So, yes, the information is relevant and explains why the police have been so focussed on the river. And they only disclosed it because there was so much speculation that it was actually hampering the investigation. And they would not have disclosed it without the partner's permission, whatever the rest of the family thought about it.

I just wanted to repost this and thank you for sharing potniathon.

I think the information is highly relevant. It’s actually made me pause for thought about a woman I know. I don’t think her alcoholism is this severe but the menopause is also an added complication and the woman is refusing all help. There are also children involved.

It is sad that society is so judgmental. If people speak badly of NB, that is to their shame, not hers.

AnnoyedwithGossips · 16/02/2023 13:23

@Iam4eels

"All the armchair detectives treating it like a real life game of Cluedo have forced the police into disclosing information that would normally be kept private for the sake of the family."

Totally - the batshit lot on MN who actually are deluded enough to think their speculation, gossip and general comments are 'helpful' in finding out what happened to the woman. The people who continue to gossip and the stupid in person individuals who follow these batshit suggestions and break into buildings and go on and on moaning so that the police search the abandoned building 3 TIMES, well you know the armchair detectives think they didn't do it 'right' the first 2 times.

They originally said she was 'vulnerable' but the online detectives didn't listen and had to keep on speculating and so more information released....

Some of the MN individuals are positively salivating at the details as they are released. It's sick. There are many missing persons and this over the top sharing of detail and guess work doesn't help.

AnnoyedwithGossips · 16/02/2023 13:25

@potniatheron ""Significant issues with alcohol" is polite euphemism for a serious alcohol use disorder."

Indeed, the speculators wanted more and more information and pushed and pushed and now they have more information they are moaning that the police have destroyed her......... unbelievable hypocrisy going on here on MN

WiIson · 16/02/2023 13:26

Some of the MN individuals are positively salivating at the details as they are released. It's sick

It is so grim.

Togoodtobeforgotten · 16/02/2023 13:27

FindingMeno · 16/02/2023 13:12

Shame on the police.
Again.

Absolutely no getting through to you people! The police have not messed up!

harriethoyle · 16/02/2023 13:27

noblegiraffe · 16/02/2023 10:45

The batshit armchair detectives need to shut the fuck up and let the police get on with their jobs.

Baying because they police didn’t disclose that she was vulnerable, baying because they did. Demanding details then acting horrified when the details are given. Oh we didn’t mean it.

FFS get a new hobby. Buy an Agatha Christie. Leave the family alone.

This, with bells on.

CountryMusicHottie · 16/02/2023 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Daisymaybe60 · 16/02/2023 13:30

noblegiraffe · 16/02/2023 10:45

The batshit armchair detectives need to shut the fuck up and let the police get on with their jobs.

Baying because they police didn’t disclose that she was vulnerable, baying because they did. Demanding details then acting horrified when the details are given. Oh we didn’t mean it.

FFS get a new hobby. Buy an Agatha Christie. Leave the family alone.

Spot on.

AnnoyedwithGossips · 16/02/2023 13:30

Here, here and quite right to @noblegiraffe @harriethoyle and the others on here who find the MN threads on NB disgusting and have spoken out about it and reported it.

There are 10 THREADS salivating over her disappearance and picking apart every tiny little thing and now this one asking if her reputation has been destroyed by the police! Look at yourselves all the armchair detectives you should be ashamed of yourselves - you are deluded and are not helping matters at all.

Redbone · 16/02/2023 13:30

I think that the information that the police divulged was absolutely relevant but to not inform the diving team earlier was foolish.

verystablegenius · 16/02/2023 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

And anyone who pointed out it was distasteful, their response would “who made you thread police? Stop trying to censor us. We’re helping the family”. I hope they’re happy as they got what they wanted

HRTQueen · 16/02/2023 13:33

It’s absolutely disgraceful behaviour from the police there is absolutely no need for the public to need to know this there job is to find out what happened not to damage control to cover for their incompetence

though not surprised

ans it’s typical of the police to not hold their hands up and admit maybe the case could have been handled differently they just cover for themselves and close ranks and they never learn

AnnoyedwithGossips · 16/02/2023 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MN have enabled an individual and her 'followers' who 'thank her' for keeping them up to date so they can solve the crime are unbelievable. Nice to see more and more of us speaking out against the band of armchair detectives/batshits/delusional.... shut up and let the police investigate and not have the distraction of social media twats who cannot help themselves whilst they believe they are doing good!

Upsidedownagain · 16/02/2023 13:34

I don't think they have destroyed her reputation. We should be beyond judging people for addiction and mental health issues. If she were found alive and well, I think most people around her would be supportive and she might then get the help she needed.

I do think the information sheds a different light on the disappearance though and could well stop some of whatever speculation is going on (I haven't read much about it myself).

On the channel 5 programme, which I did watch most of, they did talk about how certain cases hit the media - white, female, middle class etc - which makes sense.

But I did find some of what her partner said strange. He seemed very over aware of the time scales that morning - not worried about her at 10.10 but aware she ought to be back and knew she wasn't answering her phone, but very worried by 10.20. What we now know makes this make a lot more sense.

As a parent who has dealt with teens with poor mental health, I know that an overlong absence of a person suffering low mood, causes a high degree of anxiety. He was presumably concerned about self harm. Surely most partners would assume she had bumped onto a friend or nipped the shop? Mine wouldn't even notice how long I'd been most likely.

Personally I doubt the police would have released this unexpected information on a whim.

Port1aCastis · 16/02/2023 13:34

Well if the crazy batshit online vultures hadn't started disgusting speculation about a woman who is missing the police would not have felt compelled to release personal details about the poor woman.
Shame on the crazies who feed of someone else's tragedy shame on them.

AnnoyedwithGossips · 16/02/2023 13:36

verystablegenius · 16/02/2023 13:32

And anyone who pointed out it was distasteful, their response would “who made you thread police? Stop trying to censor us. We’re helping the family”. I hope they’re happy as they got what they wanted

Show quote history

Indeed - exactly HOW have they 'helped the family'. Nice to see the growing number of MN users who are speaking out against the 10+ threads of speculation

Walkaround · 16/02/2023 13:36

The problem with this case is the excessive number of complete strangers who have nothing to do with it getting totally over-invested in it and being ghoulish. You should follow your own advice and stop going on and on and on about it and drawing your own unhelpful conclusions from everything that is said or done - you are doing fuck all to help by behaving like this.