To think people are becoming increasingly flakey?

[hearthstone]

In the last 2 months alone:

1. Was supposed to meet a friend at a cafe so I can pass her my old iPad. Went all the way into town and 30 mins before the meet up she suddenly had errands to run and cancelled. She picked another date, a day later she wanted to pick a different date. I just gave up and ended up handing the iPad to my mum.

1. 6 of us were supposed to meet for a friend's 30th. Restaurant booked, scheduled cleared. On the day itself, one cancelled because she was 'too tired', another followed, another followed, and the night just fell apart.

1. Was going to watch a movie with a friend. We bought the tickets, I passed on watching it with my mum because said friend asked first. On the day itself, friend is 'suddenly not in the mood' and I ended up going by myself (mum has since watched it already).

None of these meetups were suggested by me. Is this level of flakiness new? Why do these people constantly suggest meeting up if they always end up cancelling anyway?

I'm not the only one who's noticed this 'trend'. A friend was organising her kid's birthday party. 15 people RSVP'd 'yes', 9 cancelled at varying dates leading up to the party, 3 were no-shows.

I understand that sometimes things happen but AIBU to think that the bulk of cancellations (or no shows) is due to disorganisation and a general lack of care?

Haven't read the full thread yet but this sounds like an inevitable problem with the cult of individualism, heralded by the awful 'I'm alright, Jack' Thatcher years. Everyone for themselves. From our 'snouts in the trough, boys' Tory politicians, the people that vote them in in response to a bigoted, right-wing media to the blasé 'mind your own business, it's not affecting you' attitude to parking in disabled spaces, neglected children, fly tipping and lord knows what else. Our culture used to care about society, ( well, not the upper classes obviously, they've never given a toss about anybody but themselves) now, too many people only care about their own convenience.
If the above description dies not fit you, bravo! I know there are some decent people left.

i think it’s phones - how much time do you fritter on your phone - doesn’t leave much for stuff that doesn’t HAVE to be done.

. Our culture used to care about society,

Really? When was this I’m in my 60s and I’m not sure when it was but the best times were probably when the country was making and selling stuff abroad and people had jobs so wealthier. We’ve farmed that out to China etc as we want things cheap. But there’s never been much care for the vulnerable etc

Yes hate flakes too and time wasters. I suit myself more now.

If anyone tried this with me they’d be out of my life faster than you can say ‘unreliable little shit’.
cancelling for life or death emergencies is fine, ‘not in the mood/tired’ is not.

So true

I am so much more introverted since Covid lockdowns, I find really draining to be around too many people for too long.
I always say no, up front to invitations I know I won't enjoy or I will specify that I would like to come but I'll want to leave at 10pm.
For me it's even worse to agree to do something then spend the build up dreading it before finally cancelling.

See, I don't mind people saying no upfront. What I mind is people suggesting we meet, then repeatedly cancelling. I don't want anyone to dread meeting me :)
Personally, I am ready for more social interaction after the pandemic and I now focus on other people who feel the same way. No point trying to coax people who want to be at home.

I have to say, I'm on the opposite side of this. My friends and I are happy to cancel on each other if we're not feeling doing something, and there's no hard feelings when that happens. I'd much rather my friend went home and relaxed than came out for dinner with me when they didn't really want to, and vice versa. There are circumstances where I'd personally just deal with it - anything where someone would lose money, or a big occasion - but generally, I'm not fussed if someone cancels on me.

Maybe that's not the best approach but it's always worked for us!

Maybe that's not the best approach but it's always worked for us!

I think whatever works for you is the best approach! I don't like being cancelled on, and I never cancel unless truly beyond my control. I should say most of my friends are in their 40s and 50s, so don't have childcare issues any more.

Yup they are, I've noticed and tried to talk on here about it but the threads become full of people getting angry and defensive about their flakiness.
Self care has turned into selfishness in some cases. Humans are community animals , we need each other, loneliness is on the increase

I prefer to meet one to one. Group apps tend to go cant do this date that date! Messy. Hate people cancelling so I dont re arrange with them and its usually a pattern of it.

I have not had this among my friends thankfully.

There is one friend who is unreliable and will often pull out last minute or change her mind in other ways. She’s always been like this though and the rest of us have learned to expect it and just eye roll.

Particularly horrible to pull out of a child’s party. Of course kids are ill sometimes but not that many.

Yeah people make plans in that small window of feeling extroverted and/or drunk. We have to push ourselves to go as we'll end up enjoying ourselves, feeling good and have not let anyone down. Flakey people are there ones who will miss out with their lives passing them by.

On being late for things, Covid rules were very much be exactly on time and I'm having a lot of trouble re-educating my kids about aiming to be at least 5-10 minutes early for stuff.

They're looking at Google Maps on the screen in the car and seeing that we'll be X minutes early and asking why, then discovering that time can be lost and being a bit shocked...

They were horrified when 2 minutes arguing about shoes meant 30 minutes waiting for a train!

I think lockdown made people much lazier socially. I also think a general push to focus on your mental well-being, whilst good can make people a bit selfish and indulgent. So things like the wrong mood or tiredness feel like good reasons to cancel. You see it on here all the time. People desperately trying to get out of a good friend’s hen do, mainly coz they can’t really be arsed.

I'm glad to say I don't know anyone like this. I have one friend who is always about 10 minutes late but that's about it

Agree. I am also fed up of people constantly organising things and cancelling. If you never want to go anywhere or see anyone, then don't suggest it! Just sit at home on your sofa with your husband. But then don;t complain that you are bored and never do anything.

@LobeliaBaggins This! These are also the sort of people who make their DP their whole world, and if the relationship goes tits up, wonder why all their girlfriends suddenly don't want to drop everything for 'girls nights/wine o clock or spa days'

I think the days when people would honour social commitments are gone and this decline has been sped along by mobile phones. It seems more common these days to shrug off plans if a better offer comes along because plans are easily made and easily broken in the palm of your hand.

When my lovely granny was alive, she used to say, ‘in my day, people made firm plans.’ I think she meant because everyone has a mobile these days (or the vast majority!) it is so easy to just text and pull out of plans very last minute. It’s definitely something I’ve noticed becoming very acceptable.

Yes, and it grinds my gears. I don't mind if someone has a genuine excuse and it's unusual for them to cancel but some people just do it over and over.

I have a dinner planned next month (3rd time of friend rearranging) and I've not bothered putting it on the calendar as I'm certain it won't happen.

What grates even more is when there's some bullshit excuse to go with it. If you're going to sack me off because you've had a busy week and you can't be bothered, or you went overboard last night and you're a bit hungover then just front up to it and be honest instead of making up some nonsense. I'll respect you more for it.

Yes I've noticed this.

Personally covid and lockdown made me realise how much I don't enjoy filling my free time up so while I'm not flakier (I don't think) I commit to an awful lot less these days.

Oh this is definitely a factor.

I remember once meeting a friend and there being a mix up (they thought we were meeting at 11, I thought 1) so essentially I was 2 hours late.

When I got there they were still waiting. That's unthinkable now - they'd just text and say where the fu kick are you!

Totally agree.

I've repeatedly asked my oldest mate for what's happening to meet up when I come back to the UK (haven't been back in four years). Just for a brew etc nothing fancy.

She cannot commit to anything.. It's like flogging a dead horse.

Arranging children's parties have also been a nightmare. Parents forgetting, not responding etc.