To think people are becoming increasingly flakey?

[hearthstone]

In the last 2 months alone:

1. Was supposed to meet a friend at a cafe so I can pass her my old iPad. Went all the way into town and 30 mins before the meet up she suddenly had errands to run and cancelled. She picked another date, a day later she wanted to pick a different date. I just gave up and ended up handing the iPad to my mum.

1. 6 of us were supposed to meet for a friend's 30th. Restaurant booked, scheduled cleared. On the day itself, one cancelled because she was 'too tired', another followed, another followed, and the night just fell apart.

1. Was going to watch a movie with a friend. We bought the tickets, I passed on watching it with my mum because said friend asked first. On the day itself, friend is 'suddenly not in the mood' and I ended up going by myself (mum has since watched it already).

None of these meetups were suggested by me. Is this level of flakiness new? Why do these people constantly suggest meeting up if they always end up cancelling anyway?

I'm not the only one who's noticed this 'trend'. A friend was organising her kid's birthday party. 15 people RSVP'd 'yes', 9 cancelled at varying dates leading up to the party, 3 were no-shows.

I understand that sometimes things happen but AIBU to think that the bulk of cancellations (or no shows) is due to disorganisation and a general lack of care?

@Shininghope I agree. The one who organises is always the one who cancels and she has massive health issues, no money and way too much enthusiasm and optimism for her plans being a reality. I should just take them with a pinch of salt but it's hard as the time still needs putting by.

She is definitely in the camp of not wanting to admit she is stuck

People are definitely more flakey!
Sent a friend 2 texts this week, no acknowledgement.. and currently waiting for another to confirm whether we're meeting up tomorrow to do something (theyve had all week to let me know)
I've given up on everyone else, guess theyre both getting added on to my 'dont bother' list!

I think the pandemic made people more insular. They realised they preferred staying in or spending time just with their immediate family, wearing comfy clothes. People have lost the art of pushing themselves out of their comfort zone and are less interested in new experiences.

I also think the pandemic has created more mental health issues than are visible on the surface, either in friends themselves or their children. This can make people less keen to want to socialise as they are just a bit miserable.

Money issues could be another reason.

What I don't get is why you would merrily agree to something you clearly aren't committed to. No one is forcing you to do the thing. Either commit and go or don't agree in the first place. We are missing people being honest with themselves and in turn other people.

Nah, it's just what you're focusing on

I agree with the previous posters that people seem to have become generally more selfish. I was actually talking about this earlier on, there just seems to be a lot less patience and tolerance for other people. It's a minor thing, but on my commute this morning, a woman on a packed train was outraged that I didn't think her bag was more deserving of a seat than I was. I had someone the other week on the train who thought it was perfectly acceptable to rest their bag on my shoulder whilst they were standing beside my seat. There were two separate people today who actively tutted at me because I had had the nerve to turn a corner in the street and they then had to move across the pavement. I know these things always happened and maybe im just more aware of it now, but it does feel as though they happen more often. Just bizarre and quite sad. It feels like a very changed world.

I don’t know if it’s a recent thing, I’ve known flaky people for decades!
I read a thread on here the other day about people who basically sit and spend every evening glued to their sofa with their OH from about 6pm and I was shocked that so many people admitted to having no independent social life! However I guess these people wouldn’t be classed as flaky because they’d never have agreed to things in the first place.

I'm more flakey. It took a while for me to realise that I had long covid. I now have to make plans with a caveat that if I can make it, I'll make it, but won't know until the day (and even that can change) and acknowledge that my flakiness isn't through choice. I wonder how many others are in this boat. I think there's an increase - cost of living, post covid illness, getting used to someone needing to drop out as testing positive, people having less time as less able to pay for cleaners, ad hoc childcare etc probably play some part.

Yes totally agree people are so flakey! I went away for a weekend with a girlfriend, paid for travel hotel etc. Met on Saturday and friend said she had to leave first thing on Sunday due to a family birthday party for her niece. I was really annoyed, I would have said no to party or at the very least tried to rearrange trip in advance of getting there! I felt like I'd wasted some of my monet and time

I have one friend who has a genuine health reason to cancel last minute and I am very tolerant of that, she will ways try to meet up soon afterwards.

Another friend is always enthusiastic if I get in touch to organise something and rarely cancels but virtually never initiates a meet up herself. I'm getting quite annoyed at the onesidedness of it.

I agree with others that many people have become too obsessed with themselves, and good old fashioned courtesy and consideration are things of the past to them.

A friend of mine has always been flakey always on edge looking to leave after an hour after suggesting the meet up in the first place. Its like she considers her time more important than mine. The difference now is that I've become less tolerant and can't be bothered to meet her so have been quite vague about it when she suggests anything now.

Yes definitely. I work for a charity and have noticed it at work too. Volunteers are harder to recruit and retain and are increasingly unreliable. We also run events and it's now normal for events to have half the number of people who have booked actually show up. If people let us know they're cancelling they'll do so an hour or two before saying "I hope you can fill my place" - well no I bloody can't, not with an hours notice and you know it! It's pathetic, infuriating and costly to the charity.

Why do you care?

I know it’s annoying, been there. I wouldn’t ever cancel on anyone.

But I also think you need to get over it too. Live by your own standards, don’t try to make everyone else live by your standards.

We had a coffee date. Same as you, last minute one dropped and the next and the next. I went on my own and sent them a photo of my coffee and cake. Had a nice time.

Sometimes people see each other unexpectedly, get into a chat about life, etc and realise they no longer need to see most of the people because they bumped into them already.

As for birthday parties… money, kids don’t really like each other, only said yes out of coercion and they built up the confidence to say know from the comfort of their own home.

I must admit I've become like that

I work and I just want to be at home when I'm not working or see my family

Ooh I try it to let people down but have become more anti social since lockdown

YANBU. I’m very slow to make commitments as I’m lazy and prefer being at home but once I make the commitment, that’s it, it’s settled, I’ll be there, bar any calamity.

Agree. I am also fed up of people constantly organising things and cancelling. If you never want to go anywhere or see anyone, then don't suggest it! Just sit at home on your sofa with your husband. But then don;t complain that you are bored and never do anything.

Yes same here

Yup I have someone in my life who regularly flakes. It's a shame as she's lovely but it's hard to respect someone who lets you down repeatedly. So I don't bother much anymore.

I found people flakier ever since I left university over two decades ago, aka, when everyone got mobiles and you could be reached at any time by text to cancel.

Now entering my mid 40s I have found people are actually getting a bit better again post covid lockdowns - I have a group of mates who met a lot and in large groups in the early 2000s via an internet forum. Then in the 2010s social media really took off and it seemed to kill off a lot of group socialising as it moved from the forum to social media that not everyone was on. I think in the last year people are wanting to meet again, are committing when they say they'll come and so on. Which is really nice.

Yanbu x

Could have written your post.
I am at the point now where I enjoy my own company and DH is someone I can chill with and have a laugh with.
I am definitely not a flaker. I don't cancel appointments even and make a big effort generally. I lose interest in flakers very quickly.

I have one or two flakey ones. But the majority of my friends are golden. They never let me down nor I them. I treasure them to be honest. I just don't rely or bother too much about the flakey ones. But I also realise the flakiness is not about me 🤷🏻‍♀️

This thread has made me feel weirdly better as I thought it was just me this happened to. People are let downs and most are all talk and don't really mean what they say.
Sad but true.

I used to have a big group of friends but a couple of people moved away recently and after a few years of people blowing out regularly I got bored of organising get togethers and see people individually now.

I have noticed that an increasing number of people have no respect for manners or etiquette in general these days.

There's tons of threads I've seen on here where someone is offended because a friend cancelled plans in favour of doing something else, and so many people will defend this saying things like "why would you want to force someone to hang out with you if they'd rather be doing something else?" Bloody ridiculous.

No one wants to force anyone to do anything, I just want my time to be respected and if you're going to flake on me at least have the good sense to come up with a semi-reasonable excuse!

I've noticed an increasing attitude to of "well I'm not legally required to do XYZ so why should I?" how about to just be nice?