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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you move 2 hours away from your family?

80 replies

Foreveraskingquestions · 15/02/2023 20:21

found a lovely home near the seaside and much more affordable and lots more space but it’s 2 hours away. We are desperate to move as our housing situation is getting too much we are cramped in a small 2 bed new build and we are miserable. We would stay in area as we don’t mind living here and the kids are happy but we just can’t afford a bigger house here.

Kids are 6 4 and 1 I have suggested we at least try it for a year and just see it as an adventure if we hate it that much we can come back.

Of course this means we won’t have anyone nearby to lean on if we need them. And i guess the last thing is we will only have each other which I don’t mind DH may struggle with that though as he is more social than me.

now wwyd?

OP posts:
ChatInMyFlat · 15/02/2023 20:24

I personally wouldn't, but then my housing is adequate.

My DC did move away because they couldn't afford to live round here. It's 2h 15mins away and it's working for them.

Sellsellseller · 15/02/2023 20:27

Depends if you don’t like your family.

If you already lean on them now and again I wouldn’t as you will be in trouble

ALS94 · 15/02/2023 20:28

2 hours isn’t too far but it depends on the factors such as how mobile your extended family are, would grandparents find that too far to visit?

If you could afford a bigger house would it have space for guests to stay over if they didn’t want to do the journey back late at night or something?

Figgygal · 15/02/2023 20:28

What family do you mean?
Parents? Siblings?
I'm 9 hours 500 miles away from "home"
So I guess I'd say do it

ChiefAdjusterOfRubensShorts · 15/02/2023 20:29

We moved to the other side of the world away from our families.

We have zero regrets, our families are lovely but we did what was best for us.

DashboardConfessional · 15/02/2023 20:30

Figgygal · 15/02/2023 20:28

What family do you mean?
Parents? Siblings?
I'm 9 hours 500 miles away from "home"
So I guess I'd say do it

Yep. I've not lived within 100 miles of my parents since I was 19 and we get on really well! Both sets of our parents are over 3 hours away in different directions. We have a child but we manage.

Jimboscott0115 · 15/02/2023 20:31

I'd say you do whatever you think is best for your family OP. The year trial type attitude is probably a good one and shows you're aware of the potential challenges but if this gives you and the DC what you want/need space and lifestyle wise then go for it because who knows, it might be the best thing you ever do!

Ragwort · 15/02/2023 20:32

Yes ... but I moved away when I went to Uni & never returned 'home' ... both DH and I have moved a lot, we find it easy to make new friends and find a supportive community. I don't expect my DS to return to live near us when he leaves Uni ... I hope he moves to the right place for his future career and life and wouldn't dream of assuming he will end up near me.

2Rebecca · 15/02/2023 20:32

Most people who go to university move away from their parents age 18 and don't return. I find it more odd when people stay near their parents

Smoothlines · 15/02/2023 20:32

What family do you mean? Don’t most people move away from their family because of work? I’m five hours away from mine. So is DH.

OhmygodDont · 15/02/2023 20:33

Unless you are constantly needing help then no I’d move.

We moved only to the other side of the city and the extra space for the children is soo worth it even if it is an hour in public transport to my parents.

flutterbyebaby · 15/02/2023 20:34

I'm sure it would be ok and they'd be only to happy to come visit you

Gymmum82 · 15/02/2023 20:35

We live 2 hours from family. I worked hard to create a support network where we live. I have friends who will help with the kids if I’m desperate. We pay for childcare but I think we’d have done that even if we had family closer. It works fine. School holidays the kids go down and stay with grandparents for a couple of days here and there which they love and means we can save on holiday clubs.
If you can have a better life then I would do it

SirVixofVixHall · 15/02/2023 20:38

I found living somewhere two hours from parents and in laws really hard when my dc were small. I wish I had been nearer to my Mum to be honest, it would have been easier and nicer for all of us.

SarahAndQuack · 15/02/2023 20:41

I think it depends on your expectations, and on the culture of the place you're moving to.

I never expected to have my parents or siblings nearby, to be a support network - that wasn't how I grew up. I didn't think it would be a big deal to be a long way from them when I had DD (and it was the right choice anyway, for other reasons). But I have noticed that, when we lived in an area where lots of people had moved away from home for university and then for careers, people were much more open to forming support networks amongst friends. Where we live now, far more people have parents and siblings round the corner - so, there's less impetus to do reciprocal arrangements. Few people want you to babysit their child because the natural thing for them is for their mum to have the kids, and so you're always the one needing more than you can usefully give.

If it's just about adult socialising, I think it'd be fine. It sounds like a gorgeous location to move to.

cheesetwist · 15/02/2023 20:42

No. Way.

I live a 15 min car drive away from my mum and in laws (who happen to live a street away from each other!) and it's still too far. I wish we bought a house within walking distance.

I visit both houses multiple times a week, though.

NotTooParticular · 15/02/2023 20:44

Yes. Go for it, you'll be fine. It's 2 hours not the other end of the world

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 15/02/2023 20:46

Foreveraskingquestions · 15/02/2023 20:21

found a lovely home near the seaside and much more affordable and lots more space but it’s 2 hours away. We are desperate to move as our housing situation is getting too much we are cramped in a small 2 bed new build and we are miserable. We would stay in area as we don’t mind living here and the kids are happy but we just can’t afford a bigger house here.

Kids are 6 4 and 1 I have suggested we at least try it for a year and just see it as an adventure if we hate it that much we can come back.

Of course this means we won’t have anyone nearby to lean on if we need them. And i guess the last thing is we will only have each other which I don’t mind DH may struggle with that though as he is more social than me.

now wwyd?

As per your last bit- you will make new friends! Surely you have friends outside your family?

and yes, absolutely. We live two hours from my siblings and 4 hours in the other direction to DH’s.

My living parent is in Australia, DH’s living parent is in South Africa.

two hours is nothing, you could easily do that for dinner and back.

MrsMoastyToasty · 15/02/2023 20:49

We potentially had a relocation on the cards last summer, which would have meant moving 6-7 hours from family (both mine and some of DH) in South west England to Central Scotland (and put us about 45 minutes from the remainder of his family). Unfortunately he didn't get the job so we have stayed put.

Hankunamatata · 15/02/2023 20:57

Depends how much you see family and the role you have in your life. We would like to move but we need family support so staying put until kids are bigger

PaniniHead · 15/02/2023 20:59

I’ve moved 250 miles away from my family with my DC. No regrets.

DeliberatelyObtuse · 15/02/2023 21:01

I live 500 miles away from my family and have done since I was 21.

Moved away for work, never moved back.

Never had any family support at all so never relied on it.

StopFeckingFaffing · 15/02/2023 21:04

I live just under 2 hours from my parents and it is absolutely fine but I have never lived any closer as an adult so feels completely normal to me

As others have said I think it depends how often you normally see them and whether you rely on them for practical support and vice versa.

Assuming job opportunities and schools are ok in the new area I would go for it. If your DH is sociable he will soon make new friends

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/02/2023 21:07

I see my sister and niece and nephew every week so would be a no from me, but I’m not cramping 3 kids into one bedroom. I can see the bigger picture and would have to move. Is there not a middle compromise?

badg3r · 15/02/2023 21:07

I live in a different country to my extended family. It is a different routine and a different relationship. Sometimes I wish we lived closer but we get on fine just us and the kids, and have loads of friends who help us out a lot and vice versa. When we have needed to go to the hospital in the middle of the night (for illness and giving birth!), when we have needed last minute help with childcare, when we have celebrated birthdays etc, it has been with friends. I would say it took two years or so to get those solid friendships in place. And every year we have a couple of weeks of quality time with family plus multiple weekend visits. Our kids still feel very close to their grandparents and speak to them often on the phone. It can work.

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