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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you move 2 hours away from your family?

80 replies

Foreveraskingquestions · 15/02/2023 20:21

found a lovely home near the seaside and much more affordable and lots more space but it’s 2 hours away. We are desperate to move as our housing situation is getting too much we are cramped in a small 2 bed new build and we are miserable. We would stay in area as we don’t mind living here and the kids are happy but we just can’t afford a bigger house here.

Kids are 6 4 and 1 I have suggested we at least try it for a year and just see it as an adventure if we hate it that much we can come back.

Of course this means we won’t have anyone nearby to lean on if we need them. And i guess the last thing is we will only have each other which I don’t mind DH may struggle with that though as he is more social than me.

now wwyd?

OP posts:
Hbh17 · 15/02/2023 21:10

Er, yes...... frankly that's the minimum I would consider acceptable! I have spent 40 years living more than 2 hours away from relatives, and I feel claustrophobic just at the mere thought of being closer. I would never cope if I were expected to see relatives more than once or twice a year.

Changingplace · 15/02/2023 21:11

Yeah I never went ‘home’ permanently after uni and settled 150miles away, no regrets, still see/speak to them, just have my own life.

It’d drive me mad living in the same town, DHs family live the other side of the city we live in and that’s close enough for me.

Courgeon · 15/02/2023 21:12

2Rebecca · 15/02/2023 20:32

Most people who go to university move away from their parents age 18 and don't return. I find it more odd when people stay near their parents

Agree. Myself, h and the majority of our friends live at least an hour away if not more from family and see them monthly to 6 weekly. This is the way I was brought up too. I do have a few friends who live less than a 20 minute drive from their parents and call in on each other all the time, my friends seem to have a fair amount of expectation and obligation heaped on them by their parents to be honest to visit every Sunday etc. Each to their own but I'd find this claustrophobic. 2 hours is really quite near.

toomuchlaundry · 15/02/2023 21:13

@cheesetwist do you have a life outside family?

bakewellbride · 15/02/2023 21:14

We are beside the sea with 2 young kids and 160 miles away from any family support! It's a lot of hard work but a beautiful area with lots of great opportunities for kids and we're very happy.

EmmaDilemma5 · 15/02/2023 21:15

I wouldn't want to, but I'm not sure if see any other way. Three kids in one bedroom isn't sustainable.

Butterlover1 · 15/02/2023 21:15

Having made the decision to live 30 mins away 15 yesrs ago when the kids were born I wish I'd moved 2 hours away!

thirdistheonewiththehairychest · 15/02/2023 21:15

Why would you only have each other? Can you not make friends?

Oopswediditagain2023 · 15/02/2023 21:17

Nope, not at all. We compromise on space to ensure we're near family.

Newnamenewme23 · 15/02/2023 21:18

2Rebecca · 15/02/2023 20:32

Most people who go to university move away from their parents age 18 and don't return. I find it more odd when people stay near their parents

This. I know very few people who live near their families.

I have lived in 6 or 7 completely different parts of the country for work. Never near my family.

there are pros and cons. How much childcare and practical help do your family give? If it’s more affordable will you be able to buy in childcare for example?

social life with young kids will sort itself. Join things- kids sports, hobbies, you’ll soon build a new life. Every time I move the first thing I do is check out the local sports centre and sign up, me and/or the kids.

Itspoonotpoop · 15/02/2023 21:21

Yes I am moving 200 away soon. I'm moving away from the seaside because of deprivation, lack of jobs and expensive houses. 😊

I cannot wait

Itspoonotpoop · 15/02/2023 21:22

I moved away for university and then made the mistake of going back home to raise my DC by the sea. Biggest mistake ever! (Moving back to university city actually!)

Very excited.

olympicsrock · 15/02/2023 21:25

By the sea over 5 hours from family. It’s fine. Saw them 6 times last year . Plenty of FaceTime calls.

MyCatIsAnnoyinglyCute · 15/02/2023 21:32

I haven’t lived near my family since university. However when I was pregnant with our youngest we moved back to where DH is from and I don’t regret it. I made new friends. We’re only up the road from my in laws and although we don’t see them a lot I know I can call on them in an emergency and they occasionally babysit. I wouldn’t move away from that now.

I think it’s maybe unfair on your kids to consider moving them then potentially moving them back after a year. Kids don’t always adapt despite what everyone on mn thinks.

UsingChangeofName · 15/02/2023 21:34

I wouldn't want to raise 3 dc in one bedroom if there were a viable alternative.

How will this fit with your work though ?

I think 2 hours is about as far as you can reasonably drive in a morning, to see family / friends for the day, then drive home again, so if I had the chance to move for a better life for my family, and it were up to 2 hours away, I wouldn't think twice about moving.

I fully expect some, if not all of my dc not to live near to me as adults.

Jemandthehologramsunite · 15/02/2023 21:36

So a 4 hour round trip? If you want to see your family alot, I wouldn't.

FenghuangHoyan · 15/02/2023 21:36

I've moved to the other side of the world, so yes, I would have no problems moving away from my family. You learn to cope and you make friends.

pointythings · 15/02/2023 21:38

I did, and my DC1 already has. I expect DC2 to follow suit. It's fine.

MaverickGooseGoose · 15/02/2023 21:38

I'd move, and have. No regrets. Trying it for a year will probably price you out of moving back though

Pylerbot · 15/02/2023 21:43

I live 7 hours away from my family. We are really close and I find it so very hard. My mum has missed out on so much of her grandchildren growing up and I’m devastated every time we say goodbye. It’s been really hard over the years and still doesn’t feel any better.

2 hours isn’t so far away but you would miss the family support you’re used to. Little things like popping round or meeting up for lunch. Not having family when you or the kids are poorly. It all has to be planned as they’re at a distance.

it works for a lot of families though so it really is dependent on circumstances and weighing up pros and cons.

PurpleButterflyWings · 15/02/2023 21:53

@Foreveraskingquestions

I am not sure whether to pick YABU or YANBU because I can't figure out if you think it's best to go or not. BUT, there is no way I would move away from my family and friends. No way. There is nothing admirable in moving 100s or 1000s of miles away, and nothing shameful in staying in the town you grew up in all your life.

As pps have said, I would only move away if I had no-one nearby who meant anything to me. Everyone needs a support network, and people in a new town ain't gonna be your support network.

toomuchlaundry · 15/02/2023 21:56

@PurpleButterflyWings DH and I had to move due to work. Our friends/neighbours have become our support network like we are for them

Redglitter · 15/02/2023 21:59

I wouldn't. My mum stays a few mins away & my brother & 2 closest friends live within 30 mins of my house

QueSyrahSyrah · 15/02/2023 22:01

I live a 2 hour flight from my family and have done for 20 years. Lots of friends here in the same position who become like family. Never been a problem and the opportunities I've had and people I've met here have been worth it.

Soubriquet · 15/02/2023 22:04

Yes. Years ago, I would have said no, but my family do fuck all with my kids. Haven’t seen them in 7 years.

So yeah I would go