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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Teacher shouting at Dd to eat

79 replies

Makesmewanttogohome · 15/02/2023 16:17

We’re in another European country, more emphasis is placed on eating and I’d heard stories of kids in school being forced to eat their lunch etc ( or *Strongly encouraged)
Knowing this, I mentioned to the teacher when Dd started school that I was fine if she didn’t want to eat lunch etc and that she eats well at home and I’m not worried if she misses a meal etc. Dd also gets constipated easily and suffers tummy troubles sometimes and gets full and doesn’t want to eat (teacher knows all this)
At the end of today, the assistant came to me with a very serious face, I was thinking ‘God, what’s she done?’ 🙈 She then said that Dd didn’t eat any of her lunch, not one bit, I said ‘Oh were you not hungry?’ To Dd, she said no, I said to the assistant it was fine, she ate lots last night and was no problem, she looked a bit confused.
DD’s just been sat having a snack (she’s eating fine) then told me she was crying at lunch because her teacher and dinner assistant were shouting at her to eat, she basically said the word ‘Eat’ where we are and said the teacher was shouting it. Dd then said she wasn’t allowed fruit because the teacher was shouting that if she didn’t eat, she couldn’t have the fruit, I understand this a bit more, but am feeling really pissed off that she’s been made to cry for not feeling hungry and eating, surely she knows when she’s hungry like we all do?
Aibu here? Don’t want to come across as a precious parent but ffs

OP posts:
Ursuladevinia82 · 15/02/2023 16:18

How old?

Makesmewanttogohome · 15/02/2023 16:18

@Ursuladevinia82 Sorry, should have included, she’s four and a half

OP posts:
Makesmewanttogohome · 15/02/2023 16:21

She also said how she feels sad for the little boy she likes (shes pointed him out to me) and said today they were shouting so loud at him to ‘SIT DOWN!’ on the carpet.
I understand it must be frustrating for the teachers, but surely there is a better way at that age. Dd then told me she sits up really straight and tries to keep as still as possible.

OP posts:
Ursuladevinia82 · 15/02/2023 16:22

Always worth a chat.

but no need to go in like a bull in a china shop

just reiterate your approach re food and mention that your daughter was upset and why.

you don’t seem very happy with the school?

another country where they start at 4? I thought uk was only one!

Ursuladevinia82 · 15/02/2023 16:23

Makesmewanttogohome · 15/02/2023 16:21

She also said how she feels sad for the little boy she likes (shes pointed him out to me) and said today they were shouting so loud at him to ‘SIT DOWN!’ on the carpet.
I understand it must be frustrating for the teachers, but surely there is a better way at that age. Dd then told me she sits up really straight and tries to keep as still as possible.

No need to mention that.

focus on your child and your specific concerns

nutbrownhare15 · 15/02/2023 16:23

I would contact the teacher and the school and tell them for medical reasons your DD is not to be encouraged to eat or shouted at if she doesn't want to and is to be allowed fruit even if she hasn't eaten other food. That forcing children to eat when they don't want to can lead to eating disorders later in life.

BatshitBanshee · 15/02/2023 16:24

Even without the background, the teacher shouting at a four year old to eat is unacceptable and unhelpful. A straightforward "are you not hungry DD? Shall we talk to mummy after?" would have sufficed. Withholding food as punishment for not eating is also nonsense. I would take it up with the teacher, shouting and upsetting her will not help DD to eat, in fact it's more likely to give her a complex around being watched around food.

Makesmewanttogohome · 15/02/2023 16:30

@Ursuladevinia82 I wouldn’t mention about the boy, just another thing she mentioned that was a bit 😫
I’m happy ish and the teachers normally seem kind, I’m an ex teacher myself though so am aware of how things can really be that parents don’t always see.
It’s Pre school that feeds into the school, she’ll start proper school at 6

OP posts:
Makesmewanttogohome · 15/02/2023 16:31

@nutbrownhare15 But even if she didn’t have stomach issues, isn’t this a crap approach that we should have moved on from a long time ago?!

OP posts:
sheepisheep · 15/02/2023 16:31

I'd imagine they're more worried about having a whiny hungry 4 year old in the afternoon than they are about her overall nutrition, especially if she normally eats ok. They're probably telling you to seek your support in encouraging her to eat her lunch. Could be wrong of course but that's always my 1st thought when dd refuses a meal!

Makesmewanttogohome · 15/02/2023 16:32

@BatshitBanshee That’s exactly it, I don’t understand the issue with not eating if you don’t want to 🤷🏻‍♀️She won’t come to any harm for one meal, she eats well and ate a lot last night (more than usual) that coupled with being a bit constipated likely means she’s not hungry.

OP posts:
CopperMaran · 15/02/2023 16:33

My sister had that problem with my my nephew all though primary. He just didn’t like eating at school. Now he’s a secondary no one has a clue what he eats at lunchtime. I would just reiterate your position and decide whether their approach means their school isn’t right for your child.

Makesmewanttogohome · 15/02/2023 16:34

@sheepisheep Yes, maybe, she wasn’t whiny though as still wasn’t really hungry. She’s never not eaten it at school and is normally one who eats all her lunch.

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 15/02/2023 16:35

What sort of school is concerned about eating?!

this seems crazy

why on earth are they bothered

Ursuladevinia82 · 15/02/2023 16:36

Quitelikeit · 15/02/2023 16:35

What sort of school is concerned about eating?!

this seems crazy

why on earth are they bothered

Are you being serious?

Ursuladevinia82 · 15/02/2023 16:36

When did she start?

BatshitBanshee · 15/02/2023 16:36

If she's normally an eater and isn't eating today... That warrants even more of a "everything ok? Are you not hungry today?" rather than shouting and causing upset. If you bring yourself to shout EAT! you can bring yourself to add a few more words and do a check in rather than forcing her to for the sake of it. Awful way to carry on. YANBU.

Makesmewanttogohome · 15/02/2023 16:43

@Ursuladevinia82 Mid September

OP posts:
Ursuladevinia82 · 15/02/2023 16:43

Just ask for a chat.
don’t me ruin the other child
reiterate the food thing
and raise the crying

Makesmewanttogohome · 15/02/2023 16:43

Plus I pay for these bloody lunches, Dd wanted some fruit but was told she had to sit there and not have any because she didn’t eat her lunch

OP posts:
Ursuladevinia82 · 15/02/2023 16:44

Mention

SuperSonicMonic · 15/02/2023 16:44

If she’s got constipation … issues perhaps give her smaller meals at home then she’ll be more likely to eat her food at school. It must be hard on the teachers when parents don’t back them, different place different rules. I can remember being slapped around the head for not eating my food. So a raised voice is not too bad in comparison.

Makesmewanttogohome · 15/02/2023 16:45

@SuperSonicMonic Are you serious

OP posts:
BatshitBanshee · 15/02/2023 16:46

I can remember being slapped around the head for not eating my food. So a raised voice is not too bad in comparison.

Oh well that's alright then. Hear that OP, @SuperSonicMonic had it worse so your DD should really just buck up and eat to make a teacher happy. Hard on the teachers - ODFOD.

Ursuladevinia82 · 15/02/2023 16:47

SuperSonicMonic · 15/02/2023 16:44

If she’s got constipation … issues perhaps give her smaller meals at home then she’ll be more likely to eat her food at school. It must be hard on the teachers when parents don’t back them, different place different rules. I can remember being slapped around the head for not eating my food. So a raised voice is not too bad in comparison.

I’m guessing… no children and closer to 100 than 0

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