Anyone else have DC with wildly different academic ability?

[Beemyhoney]

It's becoming so apparent now that they are at or almost at senior school and I am struggling with guilt.

My eldest is at a very academic school and my youngest is likely to go to the same.

My middle one is dyslexic and has inattentive ADHD without the hyperactivity. She is at an independent school that teaches at a pace that works for her and supports dyslexia.

I'm just finding it difficult to reconcile. I feel I've failed my middle one somehow. If only I'd read more with her, got her specialist tuition much earlier on, etc. Her primary school never flagged any problems and I only realised how far behind she was in Year 3. I kept putting it down to a summer birthday and immaturity. I thought she would catch up when she was ready but now just feel we lost too many years without proper support and I've failed her.

My eldest and youngest more or less taught themselves to read and I've spent more time trying to help my middle one with school work, but she's reluctant (because it's harder for her) and unable to focus on things in the same way.

Anyone else that has a similar family dynamic?

One child, A levels this year, predicted A star, A, B and A for EPQ.
Older child failed most of his GCSEs, mainly because he didn't revise much despite encouragement, tutors etc. Just not academic. He got a vocational qualification but is not really interested in pursuing it as a career.
I do wonder if I had pushed harder if he would have passed more GCSEs which would have given him more options, and covid has really not helped (he couldn't do any work experience with his vocational course, which was essential). He's a bit lost, but maybe no more than those graduates who do a degree that doesn't lead to a particular career. But he doesn't have a degree and that limits him, though most careers do not need a degree, the fact is many kids get them now.
But there are other factors at play. And ironically my daughter doesn't need good grades for her university course (animation), just an excellent portfolio. But it's good to get the grades in case she decided at some point to do something else.
My son has a huge extrovert personality and I think that will take him far once he matures a bit and gets some direction.

@Beemyhoney

Is that her independent school that said wait?

We have a hidden crisis in the UK and probably elsewhere where there is no system that kicks into place when a child cannot learn in the way a school teaches.

During covid I was forced to understand my dc learning issues and had time to find a solution.

Having said that, whilst my interventions have worked, and obviously she needs to read and learn, I'm almost reticent.
Her brain and the way she thinks is unique.
To me she's the kind of person who would come up with ideas no one else can and forcing her through school would loose that unique thinking

I can honestly say it has absolutely disgusted me how small the tweaks my dd needed to be able to learn, and how her school was not able to identify them at all

@mondaytosunday.. They need to be caught really young, even at 7 my dc self esteem was damaged by not being able to read.

We need more types of school not less your dc should have a) been caught earlier with whatever issues be has and. B) given the chance to explore what he enjoys in a different type of learning environment.