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Original poster

To give her place to someone else

82 replies

samsosn · 14/02/2023 16:39

I am a bridesmaid at my friends wedding, along with 3 others. Somehow I've ended up being the designated hen do arranger. I've come up with a plan, have created a WhatsApp group and asked the bride who she would like inviting.

I messaged the group and told them what the plan was, how much it would be each, and the deposit per person. They all came back saying everything was fine. The hotel asked for the deposit by the end of that week so I asked everyone to transfer me the money before then. I then paid the deposit. I realised that I'd ended up covering one of the women coming (I've never met her) as she hadn't paid the deposit when I asked.

It has now been 3 weeks and I have sent at least 4 messages asking this person to transfer me their deposit. She keeps saying sorry she's been super busy and she will do, but then she never does.

This week another woman who couldn't originally come has now said she can. Rather than contact the hotel and ask them to book her on, I feel like putting in the group chat that this person will be replacing the person who hasn't yet paid.

Would I be unreasonable to do this? I don't even know the woman who hasn't paid me and I can't keep sending her messages asking!

OP posts:
QuertyGirl · 14/02/2023 16:40

Message the original guest and say that she pays within 24hr or you're giving it to other guest.

Sugar coat it a bit, obviously.

Viviennemary · 14/02/2023 16:41

I would send her one more message then you havecovered yourself. Twenty four hours to transfer the money or her place is taken.

ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 14/02/2023 16:41

Send her a message saying if she doesn't transfer the deposit by (date) then she'll lose her place. End of. Make the deadline quite soon, eg a couple of days max.
After that, your next step will be clearer.

Ihatethenewlook · 14/02/2023 16:44

I’d just invite the other person. You’ve given her 4 chances, I really couldn’t be arsed with asking yet again

Napmum · 14/02/2023 16:45

As above said, I would give her a cut-off time to make the deposit. If she doesn't.

Text her after the deadline has passed (and rhe other woman has paid the deposit) to say you've booked someone else in her space and that if she still wants to go, she will need to call the hotel and try to get a room herself. Make it nice sounding but not apologetic

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/02/2023 16:45

Fuck giving her a couple of days! I'd be expecting her to pay up on receipt of my message, within the hour!

"It has now been 3 weeks and I have sent at least 4 messages asking this person to transfer me their deposit. She keeps saying sorry she's been super busy and she will do, but then she never does."

Send one message, tell her she pays NOW or loses her place at the hotel as you have another person ready to step in.

anxiouspeabrain · 14/02/2023 16:53

Hi CF, as you know Friend is now able to come so what I'll do is transfer the place I originally paid for in your name to hers and then when you're ready you can send over the deposit money and I'll add you onto the booking, that way there's no pressure and I can get off your back!

SeriouslyLTB · 14/02/2023 16:55

I'd sorta kindly pass-age this one...

"Hi! I'm getting the sense that you might not have the funds right now to attend. I've booked your spot and covered it, but I really need the money now and it's been 3 weeks since I paid it. Serendipitously, XX is now able to attend and has sent her deposit. Shall I just swap her in to your spot? You can always join later if money/space allows. If I don't have the deposit by XX I'll assume this is good with you."

Johnnysgirl · 14/02/2023 16:57

samsosn · 14/02/2023 16:39

I am a bridesmaid at my friends wedding, along with 3 others. Somehow I've ended up being the designated hen do arranger. I've come up with a plan, have created a WhatsApp group and asked the bride who she would like inviting.

I messaged the group and told them what the plan was, how much it would be each, and the deposit per person. They all came back saying everything was fine. The hotel asked for the deposit by the end of that week so I asked everyone to transfer me the money before then. I then paid the deposit. I realised that I'd ended up covering one of the women coming (I've never met her) as she hadn't paid the deposit when I asked.

It has now been 3 weeks and I have sent at least 4 messages asking this person to transfer me their deposit. She keeps saying sorry she's been super busy and she will do, but then she never does.

This week another woman who couldn't originally come has now said she can. Rather than contact the hotel and ask them to book her on, I feel like putting in the group chat that this person will be replacing the person who hasn't yet paid.

Would I be unreasonable to do this? I don't even know the woman who hasn't paid me and I can't keep sending her messages asking!

No, do it. Four messages is about three more than should be necessary.

44PumpLane · 14/02/2023 16:57

The thing that would worry me about the late payer is how will you fare getting the balancing payment from her? And if she decides against paying later can you cancel her out without you losing any money.

Please do not lay out any more money without having it up front......maybe ask her for the full balance of payment (let her know that you don't know her and after chasing her for 3 weeks you still don't have her deposit so basically I less she pays in full you'll give her spot to someone else and she can book directly with hotel).

You don't know this person, you don't owe her anything, do not go to work to pay for her to have a free weekend away (which is what has happened if you end up paying for her)!

Viviennemary · 14/02/2023 17:00

Good point about the rest of the payments due. Please don't even consider paying the balance yourself.

Original poster
samsosn · 14/02/2023 17:00

@44PumpLane That's exactly what my worry is - the balance is over £200 so I wouldn't be able to just write that off if she didn't pay!

OP posts:
Claireshh · 14/02/2023 17:03

anxiouspeabrain · 14/02/2023 16:53

Hi CF, as you know Friend is now able to come so what I'll do is transfer the place I originally paid for in your name to hers and then when you're ready you can send over the deposit money and I'll add you onto the booking, that way there's no pressure and I can get off your back!

This is perfect. You aren’t kicking her out of the hen trip and you are putting the ball in her court to pay.

Iwantamarshmallowman · 14/02/2023 17:09

anxiouspeabrain · 14/02/2023 16:53

Hi CF, as you know Friend is now able to come so what I'll do is transfer the place I originally paid for in your name to hers and then when you're ready you can send over the deposit money and I'll add you onto the booking, that way there's no pressure and I can get off your back!

this... but ask for the full amount upfront not just the deposit otherwise your going to be chasing her later

Atethehalloweenchocs · 14/02/2023 17:10

I assume since I have not had your deposit or heard from you that you no longer wish to come, so tomorrow will be offering your spot to someone else.

Coffeellama · 14/02/2023 17:14

I’d message and explain someone else can come and take that spot and ask if that’s ok with her has she hasn’t paid yet. She will either be relieved (she might not have realised you’d want the money so soon and may not be able to afford it yet) and say yes let the other person have the spot, or maybe itl encourage her to pay today. Just messaging in the group chat saying she’s been replaced will make you look like a dick, so if you do just replace her I’d message privately and let her no.

gamerchick · 14/02/2023 17:15

I wouldn't be sending sugarcoated messages. There is always at least one person who will wriggle out of paying.

Send a message saying that someone else has come up to take her spot and can pay immediately. So if you haven't heard anything by tomorrow morning you'll assume she's not going and then just do it if she doesn't.

harrassedmumto3 · 14/02/2023 17:17

24 hours to pay or the place goes to the other lady. There needs to be a degree of commitment to the whole thing, or what else will she try to duck out of?

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 14/02/2023 17:19

Just do it. The other lass has had her chance. If she wants to join, she can make her own arrangements.

cstaff · 14/02/2023 17:27

I wouldn't even give her another chance - she has had 4 chances / requests to pay up and hasn't. Screw that. If I was you, I would just be relieved that I wouldn't be left stuck for whatever her deposit was.

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/02/2023 17:27

anxiouspeabrain · 14/02/2023 16:53

Hi CF, as you know Friend is now able to come so what I'll do is transfer the place I originally paid for in your name to hers and then when you're ready you can send over the deposit money and I'll add you onto the booking, that way there's no pressure and I can get off your back!

This is perfect. It takes control back into your hands so that she cannot mess you about, whilst leaving the way open to her to rejoin later (when you will ask her for the full balance not just the deposit, of course).

Mentioning that you've already paid money out for this is a nice touch, and leaves her in no doubt that her not repaying you is not on.

Lovely message @anxiouspeabrain !

SummerInSun · 14/02/2023 17:31

anxiouspeabrain · 14/02/2023 16:53

Hi CF, as you know Friend is now able to come so what I'll do is transfer the place I originally paid for in your name to hers and then when you're ready you can send over the deposit money and I'll add you onto the booking, that way there's no pressure and I can get off your back!

Agree with PP this is perfect. If she is a CF and really wants to and can afford to come, she'll sort the money. But if she is actually freaking out that she can't afford it or doesn't want to come any more and doesn't know how to get out of it without being really embarrassed and losing money anyway, this will be a lifesaver.

SummerInSun · 14/02/2023 17:32

SeriouslyLTB · 14/02/2023 16:55

I'd sorta kindly pass-age this one...

"Hi! I'm getting the sense that you might not have the funds right now to attend. I've booked your spot and covered it, but I really need the money now and it's been 3 weeks since I paid it. Serendipitously, XX is now able to attend and has sent her deposit. Shall I just swap her in to your spot? You can always join later if money/space allows. If I don't have the deposit by XX I'll assume this is good with you."

This is also a good option.

Zosime · 14/02/2023 17:48

I’d message and explain someone else can come and take that spot and ask if that’s ok with her has she hasn’t paid yet.

No, don't ask if it's OK with her; if she doesn't answer, or says she still wants to come, but still doesn't pay, the OP is still being messed around. Give her a deadline to pay, or her place goes to other Hen, and she has to rebook for herself if she wants to come. Don't wrap it up in a lot of waffle.

WashAsDelicates · 14/02/2023 17:52

anxiouspeabrain · 14/02/2023 16:53

Hi CF, as you know Friend is now able to come so what I'll do is transfer the place I originally paid for in your name to hers and then when you're ready you can send over the deposit money and I'll add you onto the booking, that way there's no pressure and I can get off your back!

This.
Only, go ahead and do the transfer and say "What I've done" rather than "what I'll do", so CF doesn't have the chance to say "no, don't. I'm transferring now." Do you fancy chasing her for the balance as well?

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