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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘I can’t wait til X is hanging round the streets like I used to’

100 replies

Incywincyspidey · 14/02/2023 13:25

Work colleague yesterday said they couldn’t wait until their 11 year old was hanging about the parks and town like they used to when they were younger.

There’s been so much antisocial behaviour in this town in the last few years and tbh I wouldn’t say it’s safe anymore for tweens to ‘hang out’

I said ‘didn’t you used to get up to no good, hanging about the streets?’ She said ‘yeh but it was a good laugh’

AIBU to think you should want a bit more for your 11 year old son than to be hanging around parks and streets? What about hobbies or after school activities?

I know I’ll get branded ‘judgy’ and boring blah blah but it was just a really odd comment to make.

OP posts:
ourflagmeansdeath · 14/02/2023 13:29

YANBU. I agree - I think 11 is far too young to be wandering around parks alone, and it is an odd comment to make. Surely you should be wanting to savour your child's youth and spend every bit of time with them. However, it is that parent's child and their choice on how they wish to parent their child.

2crossedout1 · 14/02/2023 13:31

I may be wrong, but I'm guessing maybe your work colleague's son is currently spending too much time gaming? So your colleague likes the idea of him getting off a screen and spending time outside with his friends, maybe on his bike or kicking a football around, when he's old enough to have a bit more independence. I don't think it's THAT strange a thing to say? I have happy memories of playing out.

2crossedout1 · 14/02/2023 13:31

11 is too young yes. That's why the colleague said "I can't wait until he's old enough".

00100001 · 14/02/2023 13:34

How odd that she envisions a future for her child where they have nothing better to do with their time or aspire to than aimlessly piss about in the park ... :/

Johnnysgirl · 14/02/2023 13:36

00100001 · 14/02/2023 13:34

How odd that she envisions a future for her child where they have nothing better to do with their time or aspire to than aimlessly piss about in the park ... :/

Indeed. Another little gurrier hanging round street corners is not what any town needs.

MorrisZapp · 14/02/2023 13:36

My son has hung out in parks with his pals since he was 11, I absolutely love it. When he's at home he's usually on his devices, so if weather permits I'd much rather he was playing out and experiencing life beyond a screen. He gets money to spend on lunch etc and they all chip in if one kid hasn't got any. We have a phone tracker and we always know where he is, and he must be home before dark. We know his friends and their parents too.

Firstdays · 14/02/2023 13:40

I'm not sure kids do hang out on street corners/in parks like we used to, they do all that on line now.

Isn't it just something people who say, like "I can't wait for them to start school". Just an opportunity to have a bit more time to yourself.

My DS2 barely left the house between 14 & 19 yo, except for school and work. It would have done him good to hang at the park sometimes.

Crunchymum · 14/02/2023 13:42

When I think of teenage me, I really don't wish the same for my kids (nothing untoward just the usual smoking, drinking, boys)

It was a rite of passage I guess and no harm done but I am not looking forward to navigating that at all with my children.

MissyB1 · 14/02/2023 13:45

I wonder if she’s just fed up of parenting at the moment and fancies more time to herself? I’m not sure it’s a great idea for him to be “hanging around” aimlessly in parks at 11 though.
My 14 year old has just started going in town with his mates at a weekend, they mostly just go to McDonald’s or KFC. I’m a bag of nerves about it! I don’t make a fuss but I’m firm about timings and can track him on our phones.

SchoolTripDrama · 14/02/2023 13:48

MorrisZapp · 14/02/2023 13:36

My son has hung out in parks with his pals since he was 11, I absolutely love it. When he's at home he's usually on his devices, so if weather permits I'd much rather he was playing out and experiencing life beyond a screen. He gets money to spend on lunch etc and they all chip in if one kid hasn't got any. We have a phone tracker and we always know where he is, and he must be home before dark. We know his friends and their parents too.

You let your child go out unattended at 11???? Leaving him to buy lunch??? WTAF????

Original poster
Incywincyspidey · 14/02/2023 13:52

She was basically saying that she couldn’t wait because he could experience all the things she experienced, in the same locations. Like a rite of passage passed down.

I hung about the streets sometimes from 12 onwards and I can confirm it was underage drinking and boys etc, really were up to no good and I wouldn’t want that for my children. Absolutely I’d want them to get outside in the fresh air but I’ll be getting them into as many hobbies and sports as I could (I accept that will take up a lot of DH’s and mine’s time) so that they’re not ‘hanging about the streets’ I have 2 girls and it just isn’t safe anymore. More and more now you hear of teenagers stabbing other teenagers.

I just think this poor kid is likely to end up on the wrong side of the law or getting into underage drinking and she doesn’t care, so long as she can be all nostalgic. Was just an odd conversation.

OP posts:
PizzaPastaWine · 14/02/2023 13:54

MorrisZapp · 14/02/2023 13:36

My son has hung out in parks with his pals since he was 11, I absolutely love it. When he's at home he's usually on his devices, so if weather permits I'd much rather he was playing out and experiencing life beyond a screen. He gets money to spend on lunch etc and they all chip in if one kid hasn't got any. We have a phone tracker and we always know where he is, and he must be home before dark. We know his friends and their parents too.

Sounds like my DS.

Him and his mates have a fantastic time. Bikes, climbing trees, taking a rugby ball and a meal deal from Tesco. It builds resilience.

Contrast this to DSS who's DM only let's him out for extra curricular activities. He doesn't seem to have half as much fun or the ability to make friendships with ease.

As a working parent I'm happy for him to be in a nearby park with mates and giving me time to do my thing.

Anonymous48 · 14/02/2023 13:54

I agree OP. What a strange goal to have for your child!

Hoolihan · 14/02/2023 13:57

I know what he means. I loved my teenage years hanging around with my friends, not much to do but just being in a group and having fun and being a bit naughty. My 15yo hardly ever goes out, he's either gaming, in bed or his gf comes over to watch films. I wish he would go out and get up to some traditional teenage shenanigans!

GloomyDarkness · 14/02/2023 13:59

DD2 was heading off to local park with friends and later walking into city center at 11.

DD1 was doing it in Y7 when she was still 11.

Ds few years older and went straight to going to another town on train.

I never hung out on street corners neither do my DC really though some I grew up with did. I wouldn't say it was regular thing but school holidays and weekends - shopping, sitting talking in park or being on nearish beach - hanging out with friends away from adults - nothing sinister building independence.

It just happens - wouldn't say I looked forward to it - perhaps she find him clingy or worried about playing to much on screens.

Mojoj · 14/02/2023 14:07

There's nothing whatsoever strange about wanting your child to get outside and experience his youth. Not every kid that hangs around the park etc is up to no good! And don't get me started on the helicopter parents who feel the need to monitor their child's movements 24/7 via trackers on their phone. What? Kids learn how to navigate friendships, problem solve and build resilience when they're given the freedom and independence to do so. Loosen those apron strings mammies!!🤣🤣🤣

redskydelight · 14/02/2023 14:07

This thread reminds me of my local FB group

Poster: Just to let everyone know; there's a group of teenagers hanging out in the park

Other posters: What are they doing? Are they smoking weed? Are they leaving litter everywhere? Are they vandalising the play equipment? Are they terrorising younger children?

Original poster: No, they are just standing around chatting

There aren't too many places for teens to hang about. After school activities and places to go become limited. What on earth is wrong for teens to choose to hang out in the park and/or on the streets if the area is safe enough and they are doing no harm?

I think OP's colleagues phrasing is a bit odd, but what on earth is wrong with being happy your children are mature enough to have some independence (hanging out in the park starts from around 9 here).

LemonJuiceFromConcentrate · 14/02/2023 14:08

PizzaPastaWine · 14/02/2023 13:54

Sounds like my DS.

Him and his mates have a fantastic time. Bikes, climbing trees, taking a rugby ball and a meal deal from Tesco. It builds resilience.

Contrast this to DSS who's DM only let's him out for extra curricular activities. He doesn't seem to have half as much fun or the ability to make friendships with ease.

As a working parent I'm happy for him to be in a nearby park with mates and giving me time to do my thing.

Show quote history

Exactly the same with DD (12). I'm really surprised other pps are so horrified by this! It seems incredibly wholesome to me Confused

PizzaPastaWine · 14/02/2023 14:19

LemonJuiceFromConcentrate · 14/02/2023 14:08

Exactly the same with DD (12). I'm really surprised other pps are so horrified by this! It seems incredibly wholesome to me Confused

Show quote history

I agree!

The experiences they have 'hanging around' are essential to their development.

The latest is a den made with pallets and planks of wood. They are gone for hours summer or winter and time home covered in mud with rosy cheeks. They may have ate 2 packets of bourbon biscuits for lunch but I still think it's essential for their development.

gazpachosoupday · 14/02/2023 14:23

I think alot is based on where you live, DS has been out playing with his friends since 10 and going to the corner shop as well. I am happy for him to do this.

In a previous place, we lived, there is no way I would have let him out at that age

CountryMusicHottie · 14/02/2023 14:26

I did it as a kid/teen. I can’t say it’s something I’d want my kids to do.

Thankfully, they’ve not been interested. It’s only the troublesome kids here that are doing it. Most kids avoid them.

Zanatdy · 14/02/2023 14:27

I used to hang around the streets and get up to no good. Do I want my kids to do the same? Hell no. Not sure why you’d want that for your child? Yes I had fun, but my kids have had a perfectly nice childhood without hanging around streets and up to no good

Notaboutyouthistime · 14/02/2023 14:30

PizzaPastaWine · 14/02/2023 13:54

Sounds like my DS.

Him and his mates have a fantastic time. Bikes, climbing trees, taking a rugby ball and a meal deal from Tesco. It builds resilience.

Contrast this to DSS who's DM only let's him out for extra curricular activities. He doesn't seem to have half as much fun or the ability to make friendships with ease.

As a working parent I'm happy for him to be in a nearby park with mates and giving me time to do my thing.

Show quote history

From the activities you've listed, I think you have a very white washed version of what your child gets up to. But if it lets you do your thing, I guess...

MzHz · 14/02/2023 14:30

When we grew up it wasn’t uncommon or even unusual for kids to be out of the house all day with their friends, no mobiles etc and either only came back for meals or when the sun went down.

Middletoleft · 14/02/2023 14:32

I hope your colleague was joking and really wants more for their child than that.