‘I can’t wait til X is hanging round the streets like I used to’

[Incywincyspidey]

Work colleague yesterday said they couldn’t wait until their 11 year old was hanging about the parks and town like they used to when they were younger.

There’s been so much antisocial behaviour in this town in the last few years and tbh I wouldn’t say it’s safe anymore for tweens to ‘hang out’

I said ‘didn’t you used to get up to no good, hanging about the streets?’ She said ‘yeh but it was a good laugh’

AIBU to think you should want a bit more for your 11 year old son than to be hanging around parks and streets? What about hobbies or after school activities?

I know I’ll get branded ‘judgy’ and boring blah blah but it was just a really odd comment to make.

What's wrong with that? Do you live in a rough area?

It seems that some so called mothers love the idea of being pregnant, [centre of attention possibly]? The dc arrives and then they can't wait to get them to school, grow up, out the front door and out of the way then get them to leave home a.s.a.p.
I just don't understand it.

God lord some of you would have been horrified at the 1970's!

I played out from dawn till dusk - popping home for squash and a butty at some point - we played dens, rode bikes over planks of wood, found porn in bushes, poked dog poo with sticks, had water fights and came home when the street light came on or our mums shouted from up the lane.

This from about age 5 if my sister was there and about 7 on my own with my gang!

Managed to become a rounded adult with no criminal record

My 3 all started going to town on the bus from year 7 - and meeting their mates - all still doing well - no one pregnant or locked up!

Not referring to dc that want to go out to play, it's parents who don't want dc under their feet.

Well part of the joy of being a so called mother is watching your children grow into adults - this involves letting them do things without you - I am just as happy watching them make their way into the world as I was cuddling them as babies - but then I always knew motherhood was about raising adults not creating babies

You let your child go out unattended at 11???? Leaving him to buy lunch??? WTAF????

I hope this is pretend outrage.

Around here going to the park with friends, town or walk to each others houses is normal. They are safe enough and well behaved. 11 is not too young at all for the park here at all. Town, depending on the teen, just because they have to catch a bus or walk for a while.
So for my teen, we do a combination of organised hobbies, popping to the park or town with friends and online gathering. Now, I must confess I rather have mine meeting friends outside than online if the weather is good. I think children spend far too much time indoors these days.

I'm not so sure I agree. Hanging around and being a nuisance ie anti social behaviour isn't something to aspire to but generally 'hanging around' is fine surely? There seems to be an obsession with structured activities where everyone has to be 'doing something'. Posts like 'Is 5 aftershock clubs too much with swimming on Sundays?' or 'My child's having a sleepover. What entertainment shall I put on'....seems to me many young people often lack the ability to entertain themselves, and have less developed social skills particularly around assertiveness and conflict resolution. Hanging around is exactly where these skills are developed.
There needs to be a balance.

The 'porn bush'

We had one too!

Some hilarious over reactions on this thread 🤣

It's normal for high school age kids to start to have some freedom. It's part of growing up.

Lots of us knocked about in parks or local woods as young and older teens, are we all now hardened criminals who weren't wanted by our mothers. Good grief!! 🤣

Not being funny but a lot of clubs and hobbies are for the middle classes. Like I am now. That's what I want for my kids.

But I grew up working class and it never occurred to my family or friends families to do clubs, just like none talked about uni and only a handful talked about sixth form to do qualifications for working.

We hung out on the streets and we are all doing better for the next generation.

Maybe check your privilege a bit.

The 'porn bush' We had one too Universal 70's fact - most porn we first saw was in a bush - ours was behind the church as well!

Maybe what they mean is that they don’t want their kid to be a homebody sissy who stares at a screen all day and doesn’t have street smarts and has no adventures. I am sure they don’t want their kid to be a useless thug who terrorises old ladies and kicks cans around aimlessly.
I used to hang with my friends on the streets a LOT (different days though, and no antisocial behaviour) and had loads of fun.

Homebody sissy? Wtf?!

I never hung about 40 years ago, my children certainly didn't hand about on street corners either. If they wanted to see friends they came to my house or went to friends houses. Very few parents allow that these days

I can't help but feel that the OP and many other respondents have rather missed the point:
The OP's interlocutor also thought that 11 was too young to be "hanging round the streets" hence them not being able to wait.
Without that person saying how long thay expected to have to wait, this whole thread is an argument with someone, behind their back, that you've already stated you agree with... Which is rather crazy.

And with regards to what "hanging 'round the streets" entails, no it is not intrinsically anti-social, and yes we know that those kids will invariably do at least some things they shouldn't. Those are the days that most of us develop social skills, learn how to be independent, and explore different types of relationships - but everyone, evidently including, the original quotee, agrees that 11 is too young.

No, im not suggesting 11 is too young, that’s not the point of my thread.

I’m 🤔at the thought someone can’t wait for their child to hang around the streets getting up to mischief. I just think, it’s 2023, surely we want more/ better for our children nowadays (especially considering how dangerous a lot of towns and urban parks are now)

I have no issue with kids going into town, wandering round the shops, getting a McDonald’s, going to the cinema etc OR going to the park to kick a football about, play rounders or whatever. But would I want my children hanging about the streets or in a more dodgy park, in the dark in winter etc, no and I think it’s a weird thing to aspire to.

That is so true. We live near a lovely park and the 2 other parks half an hours walk away are equally lovely. My dd also used to be friends with a girl from a less nice area for a while. I told dd she wasn’t allowed to go to the large local park as drug addicts tend to congregate there. She had to stick to the small park, which was the nicer end of the housing estate and sit on the grass to chat or practice gymnastics away from the little ones rather than hogging the play equipment.

But (assuming not dodgy) hanging about is literally just a place to meet your friends because they don't want to go back to someone's house and contend with parents and there aren't that many indoor spaces for teenagers to just meet.
Teens don't have unlimited money to meet in cinemas, McDonalds or coffee shops (and these thing often aren't close to where they live). Sometimes they just want to meet and chat.

Why is it ok to go to a park to play football, but not ok to stand around chatting with your friends in said park?

Why the hysteria? Depending on where you live this is fine. My eldest will be making his own way to school in a year at 11. I have started to let the reigns out slowly, he does out for short periods (we are up to an hour now, as he doesn't have a mobile yet, only a normal watch) with his mate from next door to the local park.

They have to learn to be independent safely with boundiaries.

I have a 12 year old. I am a protective Mother as well by all accounts.

I could think of nothing more worrying or stressful than allowing my child to be out all day hanging about .

I am only in my forties but things aren’t what they were in this country when I was a child when it came to playing outside .

So many stabbings and all sorts happening on a daily basis. Completely terrifying and nothing is being done about it.

I am all for encouraging independence but hanging around a park or the streets all day and night is not what I want for my children . No way.

Your children are still statistically more likely to be involved in a car accident. Do you also avoid motorised transport?

No one on here has said that children are hanging around parks and streets all day and night.

Do you ever take your child to the park now (or when they were younger)? If so, what's the difference between that and them going to the park with their friends?

At what point will you let your child out of the house without an adult?

11 is perfectly normal age for children to start socialising with friends. Going to the park is usually the next step after starting to walk home from school. Our park has a cafe so also normal for them to take money for food or ice creams. Perfectly normal from year six and certainly year seven. Year seven they usually go to town to look in shops, have lunch, go swimming or cinema together.

Unless your ideas of a park are very different to mine I really don’t see what you are all getting worked up about. Of course high school children go out alone. I can’t imagine telling my son he wasn’t allowed to go to the park to play football unless I went with him at that age.

Sounds like she's being daft maybe she is. At that age lots of kids are stick indoors gaming without any input from anyone, safe at least physically and not making a ruckus. The flip side would be out getting fresh air but potentially up to no good if left unsupervised. Not saying all kids but let's face it some would. Another alternative like you said is getting them into after school clubs and sports clubs. The afterschool club provision really depends on your school, whether it is free or they charge and the same for other sports clubs. Other clubs will also require (usually) a committed parent ferrying them about. This is much harder to do if you have more than one child and are working until 5 or 6pm.

Considering your friend walked the streets and hung out in parks and now does a similar job to you, maybe for her at least it implies that things worked out well for her so she doesn't see any negative implications if her son went down the same route?

She probably phrased it badly but I know what she means. My two, 15 and 12 nearly 13, are absolutely allowed to go out but they live quite far from their friends and don’t seem to have the wherewithal to arrange things for themselves at the weekend or in the holidays. I’m a bit sad that they haven’t experienced the freedom, away from parents that I did. It’s certainly not about drinking or anti social behaviour (they seem very far from that) but just about the freedom to do things without me. For what it’s worth, I also feel a bit sad for older teenagers who seem to sit at home with their parents most of the time whereas I was out socialising whenever I could from about 16. I teach this age group and there seems too much life spent on screens. If anything, in my experience of young people, they grow up LATER (in some ways) than we did in the nineties. I’m not saying it was all bathed in a rosy glow but, at some point, they need to learn how to negotiate adult life and I think this gradual withdrawal from parental responsibility is probably part of that process.