‘I can’t wait til X is hanging round the streets like I used to’

[Incywincyspidey]

Work colleague yesterday said they couldn’t wait until their 11 year old was hanging about the parks and town like they used to when they were younger.

There’s been so much antisocial behaviour in this town in the last few years and tbh I wouldn’t say it’s safe anymore for tweens to ‘hang out’

I said ‘didn’t you used to get up to no good, hanging about the streets?’ She said ‘yeh but it was a good laugh’

AIBU to think you should want a bit more for your 11 year old son than to be hanging around parks and streets? What about hobbies or after school activities?

I know I’ll get branded ‘judgy’ and boring blah blah but it was just a really odd comment to make.

Lol.

The hanging around that the troublesome ones do, tends to be less making dens and more underage drinking, vaping, smoking weed and blow jobs in the park. And less bourbons, more edibles.

Overall, less Enid Blytons Famous Five, more The Wire.

YANBU. That's lazy parents wanting their life to go back to how it was pre-child ie. never having to think about their kids.

Same as my dd. A lot of the younger secondary school kids head to the local park in the afternoon after school in the summer time. I’d pick dd up from the park as it is a half hour walk from our house. Dd did a lot of walking with friends back then to and from different parks with groups of friends. She went out for 2 plus hour long walks with a friend in year 8 in freezing conditions with the outside rule of 2.

The kids really didn’t get up to much at the park. It was mainly hanging around, going on the equipment for the older kids and lots of messing around. She used to show me videos of what she’d done. The worst, which she got told off for, was filming her friend pushing a boy in a shopping trolley in an alleyway just next to the supermarket. A few boys made a den at our local park. All pretty innocent.

in the holidays, at the beginning of year 7, she mostly stayed in the village, going from the park, to a friend’s house, getting a meal deal etc. Then it built up from there. In year 8, she was walking around more to the other parks etc. Since she started year 9, it’s really been all about going into town for a mooch.

OP, your title says 'streets' but the first line of your post says 'parks and town'; which did your colleague actually say?

The whole issue is highly neighbourhood-dependent. I'm not the most laid-back parent, so if it was rough round here I'd be worrying all the time.

We are lucky in that our park is almost on the doorstep, quite big but very open so you can see right across it at a glance, and the whole vibe is gentle and familiar. It's full of families and middle-class dogs and people we know; the mini Sainsbury's and the school are right beside it. You wouldn't be able to find anywhere for a secret park blowjob, you'd be constantly interrupted by carefully bred golden retrievers.

If anyone had got up to anything like that, my dd would have told me. I think this is potentially more for an age group older than 11/12 and most at 13. Dd’s friend now 14, has been caught doing nos gas and I’m pretty sure has also vaped. Dd wouldn’t partake. She’s the sensible one. Hasn’t even had a boyfriend yet. Anyway, she was not so much hanging around, more walking around, which is mainly what I used to do with my friends, often walking from one friend’s house to the next and as we got older, walking across fields to a village about an hour away.

I think there's a bit of growing up happens " hanging around."
Mine did some of this but also did extra curricular activities.

Sweeping generalisations.

11 year old getting/giving blow jobs in the park? Nah, we don't live in Baltimore.

She initially said the streets and then went on to say the park and around the town. When she relayed what she used to do, it seems it was hanging about at the local park and streets around it, which is pretty much what she said she wanted him to do.

I accept that it’s horses for courses and what is acceptable by one parents isn’t by another etc but I just thought it was a strange thing to say. Mine are only 4 and 6 so a way off before they’re hanging out anywhere yet, but they both even now have hobbies / sports which are outdoorsy and take up a lot of time and if they’re still doing those then I’d imagine most evenings and weekends that’s what they’ll be doing and when they’re not, hopefully they’ll be at the cinema or around friend’s houses etc rather than aimlessly wandering the streets/ parks. I can just remember what me and my pals got up to when doing that and it’s pure luck nothing ever happened to us and I guess I want better than that for them.

'You let your child go out unattended at 11???? Leaving him to buy lunch??? WTAF????'

Are you ok? You know kids start secondary at 11? Most of them go on the bus, get their own lunch etc without an adult holding their hand

This is me - had enough of always having to think of other people and whilst l don't want to wish her life away, l am looking forward to my 11 year old gaining a bit of independence. Not sure l want her hanging around parks etc but am ready for the next stage

Honestly it sounds like boring smalltalk you make with people you don't know well and don't want to have an in-depth conversation with.

Hanging around in a park is essential to their development, lol. You keep telling yourself that so you don't have to bother with them all day or even give them a decent lunch.

This mother is talking about when her 11 year old is older anyway, I don't think they'll be building dens.

Exactly 11 is secondary school age they go to and from independently and can go and knock for a friend and hang out it's perfectly normal you cannot wrap them up in cotton wool forever!

Different folks....

I really don't feel the need to micro manage/bother with my kids all day. In my opinion helicopter patenting is more damaging and exhausting for that matter.

maybe it was just clumsy worded and she meant that she couldn’t wait when he’s old enough to be out with friends without her?
Or maybe her aspirations and goals are just different …
I wouldn’t say that her ideas were wrong as she didn’t give details.

At 11 i was allowed into town with a friend, and to the cinema.

I used to ‘hang’ around the town and skatepark with my friends from around 13-14. We didn’t drink at all, just skateboarded and listened to music.

Mine are only 4 and 6 so a way off before they’re hanging out anywhere yet, but they both even now have hobbies / sports which are outdoorsy and take up a lot of time and if they’re still doing those then I’d imagine most evenings and weekends that’s what they’ll be doing and when they’re not, hopefully they’ll be at the cinema or around friend’s houses etc rather than aimlessly wandering the streets/ parks.

It's possible to be sporty do activities and hobbies and meet up with mates out and about. Cinema and many activities like shopping take cash increasingly large amounts - and younger siblings can be at home which can be stifling and not what teens want when hanging out with mates or parents working from home aren't keen having their house invaded.

Parenting looks different when it's your pre teens and teen than to when the kids are that young - then it gets annoying people have issue with teens hanging out often in quiet locations doing no harm but get moved on because they "might" be.

You cant be serious SchoolTripDrama? Going to the park to kick about a ball and buying lunch with friends are perfectly normal 11 year old things to do!
Or maybe you were being sarcastic? Hope so.

Yes! I do! I'm in Scotland so aged 11 is Primary 7 then first year in high school. Absolutely standard round here for kids to go to the local park without parents at that age.

I love that another poster mentioned meal deals, these are a huge part of first year culture 😂 I know every permutation and let me tell you it all hinges on the coveted 'blue machine'.

Scottish kids also get a free bus pass so in summer he hops up the road to the better football pitches with his friends.

He has no interest at all in the city centre but he has gone to the cinema without adults.

I did all this and more from the age of 9, with no mobile phones.

My son is now 21.

He did not hang around parks or the streets, ever.

He had friends over, he did air cadets, played in a band. He’s ended up a very happy young man who’s a police officer.

He’s always had loads of friends and was really popular but he spent all his time with kids like him who were also discouraged from just knocking around with nothing to do. Yes, lots of silly drinking went on when he started 6th form but it was at peoples houses and parents were there somewhere in the background and aware. We were all on the same page with rather they had a few cans of beer in the garden than doing god knows what else where.

I always knew where he was. I still do when he goes out as we have a great relationship and talk about nights out/where he’s going etc.

He did have friends that hung about the streets and some of them had a really hard time with getting into drugs. Thankfully ds always wanted to be a police officer so wasn’t going to mess that up.

My next youngest is dd who is 9. She won’t be allowed to hang about in parks either.

What's wrong with an 11 yo going to the local swings with her friend?

@Iateallthewotsits I always know where my son is too. Sometimes that is at the park kicking around a football, rugby ball, riding his bike, playing tennis or rounder etc. I dont think there is anything scandalous about going to the park with friends!

My 12 year old ‘hangs around in parks’. She takes her roller skates and sometimes a picnic. She plays with friends and their younger siblings. Can’t see the harm myself. She still manages a martial art, guides, family activities, and is excelling academically. Will be joining cadets through school next year. I think it’s really healthy to have unstructured social time at her age.

I guess the key difference here is that a percentage of people have the privilege of living near lovely parks that are authentically hubs of the community and serve as a safe way for children to take a first step towards independence; but other people only have access to unappealing, perhaps under-maintained or mostly empty parks, where no sensible person would choose to spend time and where dodginess naturally happens. (The park where I grew up was like this.)

What I find surprising is that so many people from the latter group seem to have developed an idea that parks are by definition dodgy dead-end places, no better for children than a street corner. Seems like a real indictment of how our public spaces are managed.

I knew we were lucky to have our park, but this thread is making me even more conscious of it.

Not sure why you have some negative comments to this, sounds completely normal and your DS is getting life skills and confidence too.

My partners kids, age 16 and 11 only game. They don't read, do anything creative, any clubs, don't go hang with their friends at all. Partner wouldn't leave them unattended at a family event recently to go buy some food as he didn't feel comfortable. Still collects (walks, not by car) both from their respective schools - I'd have been mortified at that age.
They have zero life skills or confidence. Both get anxious about simple things like crossing the road!

I don't see any issue with wanting your kid to go hang out and show am interest in spending time outside with their friends. Far healthier than the above.