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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I said don’t buy me flowers for Valentine’s Day ….

90 replies

FrenchandSaunders · 14/02/2023 07:24

… as they’re an expensive rip off.

He took this to mean “don’t buy anything”.

I’m really not fussed, been together years but I do think it’s odd. A bottle of wine or some choc hearts, cheap perfume. It’s not difficult. He’s very black and white, more so as he’s got older.

OP posts:
mydogisthebest · 14/02/2023 08:50

Why every year do some people go on about flowers being more expensive? In supermarkets they are the same price and even florists don't put all their flower prices up. Red roses may cost more but as roses are the one flower I dislike DH would never buy me them anyway.

jays · 14/02/2023 08:52

MonkeyPuddle · 14/02/2023 07:55

I didn’t realise it was the 14th until reading this thread!

🙄

Abraxan · 14/02/2023 08:54

We only ever really did Valentines for the first few years, but then we did meet when young at school too. It's also my birthday two days before so have usually already had several lovely gifts.

We exchange cards with a message generally.

Although this year we are away and I left the card I got Dh at home. I bought another one when I remembered but just realised this is left in the car and still unwritten! I know Dd has written one for me. We are heading to the car later so I'll have to sort it then. I have confessed - twice now, one for each card! 😂

Luckily he still loves me!

mydogisthebest · 14/02/2023 08:55

2chocolateoranges · 14/02/2023 08:26

Today is just another day in our house. If he needs one special day to say he loves me and vice versa then there is a problem. Can’t remember the last time we did anything for Valentine’s Day. It’s not important .

Not important to you and your OH and that's fine but many people do celebrate it.

Me and DH have been married 42 years and always buy each other a card and, often, a present. We always have a nice meal, whether we go out, get a takeaway or cook it ourselves. Some years we have gone away for the night or even a couple of nights.

We show each other love all the time but we like celebrating Valentine's. We are going out for the day and have one of the meal deals tonight. I have bought him Abba tickets and he has bought me a book he knew I wanted and an animal experience at a local wildlife park.

Toooldformarketing · 14/02/2023 08:55

This is why the men in M&S last night were freaking out. They kept putting stuff in their baskets. One was audibly anxious about getting it wrong and spent £60 on wine, chocs, roses and a card. His friend was taking the piss but he too bought a box of expensive chocolates "just in case".

I was waiting in a queue behind 4 worried men. I was thinking "who are these scary, hard to please wives?" 😅

Joevanswell · 14/02/2023 08:56

Sorry but I don’t understand people who say no to Valentine’s Day and then complain when you follow his rules. I have been married 20 years and we don’t do Valentine’s Day just cards. Think it’s miscommunication between you in that you wanted a gift and a fuss just not flowers. Life is too short to worry about things like this

hryllilegur · 14/02/2023 08:56

Pirateships · 14/02/2023 08:49

Sounds like he was going to get you flowers and when you said don't get me flowers he read that as: don't get me anything. I'd assume similar tbh, say what you mean next time.

She did say what she meant. Don’t buy me flowers is specific. Generalising it to don’t buy me anything is odd.

if she didn’t want anything, she’d have said that.

I’m not impressed if my H buys me flowers. Mostly because I’ve come to recognise that it’s him making the lowest effort gesture he can while maintaining the perception that he cares enough to ‘treat’ me. Ordering flowers online requires no thought and minimal effort. It’s what he does to avoid having to think about me at all.

notangelinajolie · 14/02/2023 08:59

If he only ever gives flowers, telling him to not buy you flowers could be interpreted as don’t buy anything.

If he mixes it up a bit and gives chocolates sometimes then his excuse is a bit pathetic.

hryllilegur · 14/02/2023 09:00

Toooldformarketing · 14/02/2023 08:55

This is why the men in M&S last night were freaking out. They kept putting stuff in their baskets. One was audibly anxious about getting it wrong and spent £60 on wine, chocs, roses and a card. His friend was taking the piss but he too bought a box of expensive chocolates "just in case".

I was waiting in a queue behind 4 worried men. I was thinking "who are these scary, hard to please wives?" 😅

Maybe they have wives who thoughtfully buy presents that are meaningful and tailored to the interests and personality of the receiver. And they recognise that they’re last minute buying whatever generic valentines themed stuff is left on M&S the night before Valentine’s Day.

I’m wary of blaming nasty, unreasonable women because men feel anxious in their last minute supermarket sweep for presents.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 14/02/2023 09:12

Sounds like miscommunication to me, and hardly something to get annoyed about.

We don't celebrate valentines day because we both hate the idea of having to show our love on one day just because Hallmark says so.

LondonJax · 14/02/2023 09:18

I forgot it was Valentine's day until this thread came up...get a nice takeaway tonight and use the money he saved on that.

MonkeyPuddle · 14/02/2023 09:21

No, just with the kids being off I’m out of my normal routine so it hadn’t clicked today is Tuesday. I had it pegged as being tomorrow.

theemmadilemma · 14/02/2023 09:26

I can see how he's misread don't buy over priced flowers as don't bother with this ridiculous day.

We've never bothered too much with the whole thing, so I got an Aldi card yesterday for a giggle to give him this morning. He came back later with enough roses to fill two vases and I had a cute card this morning.

So I'm currently feeling a bit bad. But in fairness it was probably only that he popped in the supermarket and it slammed him in the face that it was Valentines. lol

Figmentof · 14/02/2023 09:53

FrenchandSaunders · 14/02/2023 07:27

i gave him a bottle of wine and he say “oh I thought we weren’t doing presents this year”

Why on earth do you need to swap wine and chocolates with somebody you have been with for years. I cannot imagine handing my husband a bottle of wine. Most people in secure relationships don’t bother with this 14 Feb nonsense.

troppibambini6 · 14/02/2023 10:12

I did get a card, and usually I get flowers but I told him not to bother this year....
instead he went halves on a new rug for the front room with me.
Who said romance is dead?!

DRS1970 · 14/02/2023 10:14

JimHensonWasAGenius · 14/02/2023 07:26

It's 0730 am, a bit early to write him off, isn't it?

That's was my thought too. Lol

xogossipgirlxo · 14/02/2023 10:21

If I was a man, hearing "don't buy me" + "rip off" = no gifts this year.

Cocobutt · 14/02/2023 10:26

An easy mistake to make.

Get a nice takeaway tonight and open the bottle of wine.

Ohhmydays · 14/02/2023 10:35

troppibambini6 · 14/02/2023 10:12

I did get a card, and usually I get flowers but I told him not to bother this year....
instead he went halves on a new rug for the front room with me.
Who said romance is dead?!

I am not really a fan of flowers never have been, and even if i was wouldn't get any as my oldest has terrible hay-fever he would be constantly sneezing looking like he has been in a boxing match lol it’s usually just a takeaway and maybe some adult only time if the younger ones don’t settle to late. We went halfers on a new wardrobe so thats more than enough

Kranke · 14/02/2023 10:46

Sorry but I think wine is an odder gift for someone who you live with, is your husband and you probably have a shared account/at least split the grocery bill. I would give wine to a friend/relative I don’t live with for a birthday or if they cooked me dinner, but not to my husband. It would be like giving him a bunch of bananas from the online shop. Also is it really for him, or if he opens it will you expect some of it? If the latter it would have been better to just open a bottle with dinner.

maddiemookins16mum · 14/02/2023 11:03

I got a new Oodie (from Asda). And a bar of Turkish delight.

Sceptre86 · 14/02/2023 11:05

Be honest with yourself. If it matters to you it should matter to him. If he's very black and white spell out your expectations. Speak to him, considering you've been together a long time it shouldn't be so hard.

WiIson · 14/02/2023 11:07

Flowers from Tesco's aren't expensive.

Quveas · 14/02/2023 11:15

Whilst I agree that some things are overpriced due to the (made up) day, I think it's rude to tell someone what they can and can't buy as a gift unless they ask you what you would like.

crossstitchingnana · 14/02/2023 11:21

I got card, no present. I got him something with my card.

Couldn't give a rat's arse.