To get colleague a valentines gift?

[drunkornot]

YABU = don’t buy
YANBU = buy

The colleague who sits next to me is lovely. We talk all day at work, although we don’t socialise outside of work. Known her for 2 years.

She suffered a recent bereavement and has pretty much had to hold everything together whilst the rest of her family grieves. Her husband also died years ago, and she said today that she hasn’t celebrated Valentine’s Day since his passing.

AIBU unreasonable to get her a rose or a box of chocolates for Valentine’s Day tomorrow? We’re both women so it’s just to be a friendly gesture as she’s been through a lot. I don’t want her to think I’m being weird though.

I think it would be a lovely gesture to pop something small on her desk, like her favourite chocolate bar or something. But nothing big or showy (or heart shaped) to make it weird.

I get my best mate a card a galentines one and a little something every year. And she gets me. I can't even remember why we started doing this but we still do.

I'm married she's single at the min.

I'd get cake or biscuits

Do it a different day

That is really lovely and will probably make her day OP, you sound lovely xx

Beautiful gesture 🌹. Well today is galentines day where the gals can show their love to their gal pals.

Yes it's Galentines day. They have galentines cards in the shops loads of them!

Roses are a fiver from Tesco! Get her some and a galentines card!

Is it today! We've always done it tomorrow

Do it! I think it’s a lovely thoughtful gesture .. maybe a bunch of tulips like the others have suggested. If someone did that for me I’d be so happy!!

It's tricky, in her situation, I think I would find a card/gift from someone else to be massively overstepping and awkward. Bringing in biscuits or something not Valentines-related, as someone else suggested, definitely. Bunch of roses or similar just screams disaster waiting to happen to me.

I think I just wanted to cheer her up by getting her something tomorrow, because she spoke about her late husband this afternoon and my heart sank for her. I don’t want to risk upsetting her though so I won’t get her a gift.

I’ve had an idea actually, I can nominate her for a work reward (£20 gift voucher) because of her hard work. She launched a major initiative last week. This way she’ll get a surprise that’s a more clear of a token of appreciation vs a personal gift and no boundaries are overstepped.

Could do with more people like you in the world OP. I think that's a lovely gesture and I'm sure she will appreciate it. YANBU x

Awww this is a lovely sentiment but very bitter sweet nonetheless. I think she’d probably be touched but it is a bit risky & if anything could highlight her DH’s absence all the more? I mean all of the rites & rituals of the calendar are horrible triggers when you’re grieving & you’re forced to change how you celebrate or react to them. You could say this is not a valentines gift just a little something for you to say am thinking of you on a difficult day?

Brilliant OP.

You are a lovely person ❤️

I'm going to drop her card off at lunch time tomorrow with a Mcchicken sandwich meal because she's a bit under the weather

I agree with this.
If you really must do something bring in a pack of biscuits to share or something

No dont. You won't cheer her up you'll remind her when she's trying to forget of the times she spent with her husband and some cheap flowers or chocolate won't help.
My mum was widowed very young and we tread carefully all these many many years later over things like this.

Buy a nice book of chocolates for you both share and call it a treat for you both. You sound like a lovely person x

I think I just wanted to cheer her up by getting her something tomorrow,

I think you getting her something would make her feel worse.

I’d wait until her birthday and get her something then.

If she’s struggling perhaps invite her out for a coffee one time.

Valentines isn't something I would expect to celebrate if widowed, divorced or single. Its a thing between living members of a couple who still like each other. You can absolutely think of your late spouse at any time you like , including valentines, but I wouldn't celebrate in the way I would if my spouse was alive.

I think it’s lovely. I’d avoid a rose as it’s got so many romantic connotations, but other flowers or chocolates would be lovely.

I'd get some chocolate hearts to share

I wouldn't do this either. It's so easy to get this very wrong while trying to do something right. Like it or not Valentine's Day is for romantic relationships.

I wouldn't. It's nice that you want to show you're thinking of her but I don't think Valentines Day is the right time. It's about romance and it makes it look like you fancy her.

Buy two cakes from greggs or whatever and say, we can be our own valentines eh? I think including yourself will make it seem less of a pitying gesture