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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What does a single working mother do, literally?

119 replies

hekissedmybottom · 13/02/2023 11:53

So I've recently become a single mum to a 7 year old. Currently self-employed on Universal Credit in the really fortunate position of having full top ups until next year, so just before summer holidays. I am so very, very fortunate.

So I can keep my head above water and I can even take time out of work (I do work a lot) to think about next summer.

I need employment because I won't be able to do my self-employed work as no summer childcare.

I've had a wake up call this half-term, trying to work full-time as I was with a child who needs my attention and no help.

So I'm hoping for some input on how to do things. I was thinking of applying for a civil service job which would take me completely off benefits and I wonder if this is something that would help regarding summer holidays? I've heard 'it's flexible' but need to know what that means really.

Can I do my hours at night or very early or do I need to operate core hours in the summer holidays?

Or would I be taking leave?

What do you do in the summer holidays? Working to pay for childcare isn't really an option as I have bills and no savings.

Ideas we really welcome. Thanks.

OP posts:
TheLostGiraffe · 13/02/2023 13:34

Savings make no difference for this, it's purely income based. I think there is a minimum per week you have to earn also but it's less than your salary so you will be eligible.

1000yellowdaisies · 13/02/2023 13:38

I work for the NHS in an administrative role and i always find that the NHS is a great place to work if you have caring responsibilities because there are no many family friendly policies and initiatives to support you in the workplace, flexible hours, option to work from home (you still need childcare but means i don't have to do the commute everyday). Also as pps have said you can claim back 85% of your childcare costs if you are in receipt of UC. There are also NHS roles available which are term time only....

BlondeBombshelf · 13/02/2023 13:39

When I worked for the CS 15 years ago, they did term time hours. Some people did full time term time, others did part time terms time. It was an absolute god send for many people. I was lucky as our office had a nursery onsite 🙏 so DS went to that until her went to school. It was soooo cheap. Then, when he went to school, I did 9.30-14.30 four days a week. Perfect for pick ups and drop offs. I managed the holidays with my mum helping out and swapping childcare favours with a colleague who lived locally who was also a single parent. We each had each other’s child on our day off. Then it was a case of using annual leave wisely. It’s doable.

BlondeBombshelf · 13/02/2023 13:40

Oh and if you work term time, you get paid over 12 months which is good for budgeting. No idea how that would affect UC, maybe it would mean you’d get some? Depending on the grade.

GahArgh · 13/02/2023 13:44

I have 50/50 childcare arrangement with ex, so I do realise it's not the same, but no family locally so empathise with that.

I have a hybrid working pattern. Supposed to do three days in the office and two wfh, but my manager is very understanding and I do just two days in the office on alternate weeks to fit around our childcare schedule.

I work full-time, 9.30-5.30 and use a mix of after-school club, a childminder who will just drop my youngest home on my wfh days, and a friend's teen daughter as and when.

In the school holidays, I work from home when I have no annual leave left. But my DC are now Y9 and Y6 so they just do their own thing. They do get bored sometimes but it's just tough as I can only take so much time off. But I only have to cover half the holidays.

Friends do childcare exchanges and holiday club.

I have a mortgage and small amount of savings so no UC, no help with childcare. I can't register for the tax-free option because only one parent can and ex uses it.

I know someone who lets out their spare room to a student who helps out with childcare for massively reduced rent.

Buttercookiee · 13/02/2023 13:47

I relied on out of school clubs mainly which were booked up very quickly or my child going to another child's house and me reciprocating too

Once in senior school it became easier.

emmathedilemma · 13/02/2023 13:48

Private sector here and I know of one person in our organisation (over 1000 employees in the UK alone) who, partly for family reasons, has an annual hourly contract so works when required and available, rather than a fixed contract of 37.5 hours a week or part-time hours every week. However, she's been with the company for about 20 years and is very highly regarded in her field.
Everyone else juggles annual leave, unpaid leave, friends/ family support with childcare and holiday clubs (although they often operate only quite short hours).

fyn · 13/02/2023 13:56

I work as a Parish Clerk. They are generally 100% flexible bar one evening meeting per month. I hired a babysitter to watch my child if my husband was deployed, otherwise I did it around naps/evenings etc…

DaveSpud · 13/02/2023 14:10

I'm not sure you would have a choice to not work and stay on benefits to be honest. As your child is 7, you'd be expected to actively look for work and they monitor this.

On the other hand, you can work and universal credit may still pay some childcare. You can be entitled to the childcare element without any other benefit entitlement. As a single parent, they can pay up to 80 per cent of your childcare costs.

emptythelitterbox · 13/02/2023 14:11

Go back to school and study something in technology.
You'll make lots of $ and have lots of flexibility.

tattygrl · 13/02/2023 14:19

To me it seems your best bet would be a school job - TA maybe? Of course there are no perfect solutions, especially with how much pressure you're under at the moment, but at least a school job would match your own current obligations.

Original poster
hekissedmybottom · 13/02/2023 14:54

DaveSpud · 13/02/2023 14:10

I'm not sure you would have a choice to not work and stay on benefits to be honest. As your child is 7, you'd be expected to actively look for work and they monitor this.

On the other hand, you can work and universal credit may still pay some childcare. You can be entitled to the childcare element without any other benefit entitlement. As a single parent, they can pay up to 80 per cent of your childcare costs.

I do work though and never said I didn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
hekissedmybottom · 13/02/2023 14:55

tattygrl · 13/02/2023 14:19

To me it seems your best bet would be a school job - TA maybe? Of course there are no perfect solutions, especially with how much pressure you're under at the moment, but at least a school job would match your own current obligations.

I have an interview tomorrow for just this. I'm very proactive. People saying I don't work etc.

I've worked since 1996 and I was still in school then.

I don't want to stop working. Going back to school?

Hate this place sometimes.

Thanks for input, it's given some clarity and while I was working on a file I got myself an interview for 10-2 term time.

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 13/02/2023 14:58

emptythelitterbox · 13/02/2023 14:11

Go back to school and study something in technology.
You'll make lots of $ and have lots of flexibility.

I was thinking the same. I'm in Tech and I was going to suggest OP looks at the Rise Up programme being ran by ServiceNow. I know other software companies do something similar.

jeaux90 · 13/02/2023 15:01

@hekissedmybottom going back to school isn't probably an accurate description.

There are boot camps that get you started on a tech career but these are still 12 weeks or more which is a massive commitment as a lone parent.

Original poster
hekissedmybottom · 13/02/2023 15:02

jeaux90 · 13/02/2023 14:58

I was thinking the same. I'm in Tech and I was going to suggest OP looks at the Rise Up programme being ran by ServiceNow. I know other software companies do something similar.

Show quote history

Thanks, I found it with your info. It's one of those where the price is really hidden. Any idea the costs? I don't have anything spare really but could stretch to £50 a month at this point.

OP posts:
Original poster
hekissedmybottom · 13/02/2023 15:03

jeaux90 · 13/02/2023 15:01

@hekissedmybottom going back to school isn't probably an accurate description.

There are boot camps that get you started on a tech career but these are still 12 weeks or more which is a massive commitment as a lone parent.

Exactly and do they cost? (already paying back student loan in academic subject)

OP posts:
DaveSpud · 13/02/2023 15:06

hekissedmybottom · 13/02/2023 14:54

I do work though and never said I didn't.

Show quote history

Wow, I misunderstood when you said you weren't going to get a job, you would just stay on UC. I didn't realise you meant keep working self employed. No need for you to be rude.

popandchoc · 13/02/2023 15:06

School holidays are a mix of me, their dad when he isn't working (know this won't be case for many) , my parents sometimes help a few days especially in summer. There are also holiday camps but try and do these when i am working at home as hours don't always work.
I also work 4 days a week so in holidays i don't have to find cover for Fridays.

PumpkinDart · 13/02/2023 15:10

Hey OP, this sounds really tricky you must be exhausted. I work for CS and whilst I have the benefit of flexibility we still have core hours, I manage my own diary though which is a huge help.

School holidays I tend to try and use various holiday clubs. Local leisure centres/ gyms do paid for clubs, or things like football/ gymnastics camps. Then it's creative thinking and pre planning, so lots of places do cheaper/ free sessions for shorter time frames, so example one leisure centre does 2 hours free netball, it's a drop off session, couple that with you maybe taking a 1/2 day and you can make 1.5/2 hours up early morning or when your daughter is in bed.

It isn't a perfect answer and some holidays like Christmas mean I just need to book them off as there's no clubs running and sometimes it feels a bit exhausting when so much time and money is being spent on bloody holiday clubs but it won't be forever.

Term time, I do have the flexibility to block out and finish in time to pick my children up as needs be and pick up things later in the evening (I don't need to every day as our school has after school club) but that depends on your seniority and what commitments you have, some meetings I have to be available for but I do pre plan my calendar as precisely as I can.

Also, one of our options in requesting Flexi work is term time working, I don't know of anyone who does this but there is perhaps the option at the outset of you working pro rata if you were to find a civil service post or looking at reduced hours, so say working the equivalent of 3 full days spread over 5 so less pressure on you (although I honestly don't know enough to be entirely helpful but may be worth looking into).

ivykaty44 · 13/02/2023 15:10

Unless you’re on £40k or more you’ll be claiming UC

LondonQueen · 13/02/2023 15:10

My colleague is a single working mum, a teacher like me. She pays for childcare as no family to help her.

Original poster
hekissedmybottom · 13/02/2023 15:11

ivykaty44 · 13/02/2023 15:10

Unless you’re on £40k or more you’ll be claiming UC

Thank you. I had no idea it extended to that much because when I was on benefits a few years ago we were told a couple couple were expected to live on £101 a week then help ceased.

I suppose UC is better and it really is great to be honest.

OP posts:
Original poster
hekissedmybottom · 13/02/2023 15:17

DaveSpud · 13/02/2023 15:06

Wow, I misunderstood when you said you weren't going to get a job, you would just stay on UC. I didn't realise you meant keep working self employed. No need for you to be rude.

Show quote history

I didn't think that was rude, just stating a fact. I have to earn 1,100 as my minimum income. But until next summer I'm fortunate to not have that apply to me so can take time out if needed to retrain, I can't however take money out.

Already had student loan.

In a pickle, much down to bad decisions but would be pointless dwelling on that. LOoking for ideas. Going to take some time out until my min income floor stops because I don't want to live off £1,700/month forever even if £500 of that is benefits.

I really thought CS was an option but seems not. And if I'd make the same doing a job as at home it may be limiting but far better to have my free time at home and no commute. Working would cost more than WFH, I just hoped CS was a magic bullet but this thread has done its job in proving not to be the case.

OP posts:
LaviniasBigBloomers · 13/02/2023 15:21

What are you self-employed as? What skills do you have?

I amn't a single parent but do have a child with ASN so have been self employed and flexible for 15 years. I wouldn't trade that flexibility for the civil service! Is there a way to increase your rate/reduce or stack your hours? It's been a struggle over a few years to get to exactly where I want to get to with my hours, but I pretty much work when I want to now. It might be worth staying doing what you're doing and working out how to make more ££.

A TA role is great and of course hugely valuable to society, but at the end of five years you'll still be earning the same money. You're clearly a self-starter and have a lot of get up and go - I think you could maybe do better financially?