What does a single working mother do, literally?

[hekissedmybottom]

So I've recently become a single mum to a 7 year old. Currently self-employed on Universal Credit in the really fortunate position of having full top ups until next year, so just before summer holidays. I am so very, very fortunate.

So I can keep my head above water and I can even take time out of work (I do work a lot) to think about next summer.

I need employment because I won't be able to do my self-employed work as no summer childcare.

I've had a wake up call this half-term, trying to work full-time as I was with a child who needs my attention and no help.

So I'm hoping for some input on how to do things. I was thinking of applying for a civil service job which would take me completely off benefits and I wonder if this is something that would help regarding summer holidays? I've heard 'it's flexible' but need to know what that means really.

Can I do my hours at night or very early or do I need to operate core hours in the summer holidays?

Or would I be taking leave?

What do you do in the summer holidays? Working to pay for childcare isn't really an option as I have bills and no savings.

Ideas we really welcome. Thanks.

When I was a single mum I relied on family help one day a week and breakfast/after school clubs the rest of the week.

I'm lucky in that my work does a buy/sell holiday scheme so I always bought an extra 5 days to try and see me through the summer holidays. That is always a mix of summer camps, play dates with friends or family helping out. I would always try to book 1 or 2 days holiday in each half term and more in the Easter/Christmas/summer holidays and just hope it all worked out. It's not easy I will say. But doable x

It's lovely that people have family. Not what I need to hear right now but lovely.

I agree with others that finding the right flexibility will be a challenge. A better paying job of course, would allow you a bit more spare cash to help with childcare costs. But I'd be inclined to stay with the self employed route you're on. Can you build any flexibility in that so that you can do more work ahead of the holidays and take more time off during the holidays.

As others have said, holiday camps are usually private companies just using school premises. Some childminders offer holiday spots if, for example, their regular mindees are away/with their parents, and it can be reasonably priced.

And I would definitely explore options with other families. We have two families we do swaps with - ie where the DC are with them for pretty much a whole day during the holidays and then we have their DC for a similar amount of time. With one family, it's quite common to do a day on a shift basis - so they'll take DD to the park and have her for lunch and then the DC are here for a playdate and supper in the evening. This can really help a lot to cut down the cost of childcare. If you can work some flex in re your self employed, this might really help you.

Nothing to add other than it sounds like you’re doing a great job and a hard working mum. Give yourself lots of credit OP x

Oh, and while this might well be a terrible idea for you - and certainly, it's not something we ever considered - I know at least 3 women who became child minders for this exact reason. Around here, there's a huge need for childminders so it works well but obviously only if you have the temperament and space etc.

@hekissedmybottom I hear you. You have had a lot going on/to deal with. I tipped over the edge last week into tears because I felt I was being a shit parent, working long hours and basically chucking food at my kid and going back into my home office. Leaving her to amuse herself. This weekend I did nothing. I was feeling a bit broken and those are the times you need to let things slide and just hug your kid and spend time with them rather than all the bloody chores that are piling up.

Basically not to sweat the small stuff.

How old is your child? The younger years as a lone parent are really hard.

Gingerbread might be useful to get in contact with. Single parent charity that offer advice.

I hope the rest of the post was helpful. It was only one day a week and the rest of the time I had to make do. Sorry you don't have anyone to help you it must be difficult x

@hekissedmybottom In some civil service roles you can ask for a term time contract. You will be paid less your salary is spread out evenly throughout the yesr, so you recieve the same salary ever month. Pros: no need to look for additional childcare or paying for it Cons : less take home pay.

It's very difficult. No family help here either and two young DC who can't cope with holiday clubs so I have to hire private nannies. It is £££.

I'm in Ireland so our service's/ social is different.

Do you get any childcare support from the government? Depending on what you earn you get an hourly amount here starting at €1.40 but if you don't earn a lot you can get enough to cover it completely.

The citizens advice might be a good start? They are really helpful here.

Sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time. You sound strong though. I think you'll find your way

Thank you. x

@hekissedmybottom the other thing I was going to ask is whether retraining is something you considered? There are things like the Rise Up programme out there which tries to encourage people to shift into tech

If you go on one of the benefits calculators like entitledto you can put in various scenarios and see what help you would get with childcare costs if you were full time, part time etc. Being employed would give you the security of sick pay, holiday pay and a pension which are so important when you're a single income household.

I had/have no family nearby either. Though Ex-husband paid 4/10ths of the childcare cost so that helped.

A few things to look at:
Tax free childcare support (not sure of the exact name - it was childcare vouchers when mine were younger)
Sports groups, etc sometimes have full day stuff on during the holidays and it can sometimes be cheaper than childminder, etc
Are there any other parents that could share some of the holiday burden e.g. You take 2 weeks leave and look after their child and your own, then they take 2 weeks and look after your child and theirs?

I work for the civil service, they do term time only but I don't know much about it

It's pretty flexible anyway, although my dc are older I do quite a lot of my hours early morning before they wake up in the holidays

Are you sure you wouldn't be entitled to UC? if you rent, on 27 grand you definitely should be. If you have a mortgage then I'm not sure

You get childcare and then universal credit or the get 20% top up to help pay for it. You can get up to 80% of the childcare refunded (or at least you could on tax credits). I now have ds at home with me sometimes when I’m working but he’s 10 nearly 11 now.

I don’t have family help either so you have my sympathy. I pay for holiday clubs.

I didn’t even know you could get tax free childcare, going to look into this. i’m never entitled to anything though so probably won’t get this.

It's not really "tax free". It's a 20% discount regardless of your actual tax rate. You can use the scheme as long as your gross earnings after pension contributions don't exceed £100k per annum (for either parent individually). Yet another unfairness like with child benefit, that a two parent household can claim the discount while each earning £99k, but a single parent earning £100k cannot.

I'm so sorry you are going through this it sounds incredibly stressful.

I just wanted to give some input I left the civil service after 20 years as I couldn't make it work for school holidays, I worked a few days a week but needed after school care and holiday clubs there was no chance of getting term time. It was very rare In the department I was in (I knew of a few people that got a couple of extra unpaid weeks at holiday time but those staff worked full-time and that was the most 'help' they would allow) and they only ever agreed changes for a year at a time.

As for working evenings we had to work when customers were around in the day time and I wasn't a customer facing role but needed to be seen to do the same as majority of colleagues and also be available for possible colleague enquires so from my experience the flexible it will mention on the job advert isn't helpful for school holiday cover. Relying on the hybrid may not be viable either because if there are training events or anything really you are expected to be in the office and left scrambling for last minute after school care because obviously it's expected you have childcare in place but you can get away with it if you have older children that can get home after school themselves.

I now work in a school type environment to get the school holidays. From what I've experienced it was the only way I could cover the holidays or if I'd stayed in the civil service my part-time wage would have been to mainly cover the childcare over the year and I was a team leader level role. The stress of how to cover the children's holidays and sending children to clubs they may not want to be at was the tipping point for me leaving.

Thanks v much, I did have something like this this when my DD turned 3 at nursery but she’s now 7!

I thought no help available to me as I have savings (but only earn 12k PT.

Thank you, I will look into this!

I work for Local Government. On paper it's flexible, we have a flexi time scheme, 28 days leave, extra bank hols and close at christmas. There's still nit enough time off to cover school hols. The flexi time is "subject to operational requirements" and as a result VERY limited.

Despite WFH for an entire year, with 2 x DC, in covid, we are now no longer allowed to wfh if we are responsible for DC.

What I do, is struggle, massively.

Lots of the big accountancy firms offer term time only contracts now, and also now do training contracts for older people/ non-graduates with lower entry criteria so that may be worth considering if you want to retrain. The hours when you are working are brutal though, and the exams are relatively demanding.

Thanks v much, I did have something like this this when my DD turned 3 at nursery but she’s now 7!

I thought no help available to me as I have savings (but only earn 12k PT.

Thank you, I will look into this!

You will be eligible for this then. You can use it to pay for any registered nanny/ childminder/ after school club and most holiday clubs.

You pay 80% of the cost into the account, Government top up by 20% and then you pay the provider the 100% from the online account.

The maximum contribution they will make is £500 per three months per child (unless DC have disabilities then it is increased).

www.gov.uk/get-tax-free-childcare

CS can be flexible and some people do term time only but the areas I have worked in wouldn't accommodate this. My experience is that it is flexible to a point particularly when a child is off sick but it absolutely wouldn't tolerate working from home with a child around as a routine form of childcare so you need to discuss expectations for each role.