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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call him a little girl...

61 replies

Tryingmybest909 · 13/02/2023 11:38

At the weekend we went out for something to eat, me, husband and two children (son 7 and daughter 8). When we got into the resturant there was a little argument between kids on where they were going to sit. Son raised his voice a little and refused to sit down, I dealt with it and after 30 secs he did sit where I had told him to. Nothing so bad it needed anymore said.
Husband came back from the bar and grabbed son off his chair and took him outside, I am not sure all of what was said. Son came back and after husband had gone back to the bar son told me his Dad had called him a little girl! He said Dad said girls moaned and that was what he was doing! He was upset about it.
I have spoken to husband about it as i think its disgusting he is saying that but he doesn't see anything wrong with it.
Have I overreacted?

OP posts:
FourAndTwentyBlackbirdsBakedInAPie · 13/02/2023 11:40

No you're not, your husband is a dickhead, and sexist as fuck.

FadoFado · 13/02/2023 11:40

Sexist shite.

rainbowtwist · 13/02/2023 11:40

Yet you don't seem to have any issue with your husband grabbing your son from his chair?

FadoFado · 13/02/2023 11:41

Didn't Nike have an ad campaign turning the whole 'throw like a girl' 'run like a girl' thing on its head.

Ihatethenewlook · 13/02/2023 11:41

My oh called my son this once. He never did again. Horrible af using the female sex as an insult like we’re lesser than them somehow. It’s a good way to raise a misogynistic bully.

TheBadLuckOfTeelaBrown · 13/02/2023 11:42

Believe it or not I actually called off my wedding when this happened.
Outrageous, offensive and fundamentally dumb as f@ck.

Hoppinggreen · 13/02/2023 11:42

Sexist wanker

RichardHeed · 13/02/2023 11:42

Funnily enough the person with the most emotional and over the top reaction here is your husband. Maybe you should ask him if he’s on his period and tell him to keep his emotions in check… seriously, fuck him. I bet he thinks “boys will be boys” too.

bellinisurge · 13/02/2023 11:44

You did not overreact. He's a dick. Or, to be polite: If he thinks only girls moan and whine etc, he probably has some unresolved issues.

Yfory · 13/02/2023 11:44

Total overreaction by your dh.
You had dealt with the situation. It didnt need dealing with again.
Your dh grabbed your son off his chair.
Took him outside for a talking to.
And said something ridiculous to him.

Does your dh behave like this a lot or was this a one off?

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 13/02/2023 11:45

None of what your husband did there was good. Also using being female as an insult when he has a little girl himself - awful.

Theimpossiblegirl · 13/02/2023 11:45

You know this is sexist and abusive behaviour. Not acceptable at all.

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 13/02/2023 11:46

Simultaneously shaming your son and belittling females. Nice.
He could have had a good chat about behaviour expectations and how to be a week mannered person, but no, he went for shame and insults. FFS.
Your poor son internalising that bile.
All the stoic females have escaped his notice clearly, not very observant is he, so he must be very wedded to his opinion on females being sub standard.

TruJay · 13/02/2023 11:46

Urgh I hate this shit. Also hate all the ‘man up’ bollocks too 😡

Also, you’d already dealt with it so he didn’t need to grab your son and remove him. The only thing that needed adding, if he so felt the need to do so, was a firm ‘don’t disrespect your mum and do as you are told’ to back you up.

StephanieSuperpowers · 13/02/2023 11:47

I wonder how your daughter feels about this?

Clymene · 13/02/2023 11:48

Urgh. Stepping in when you've dealt with it, using physical force and sexist insults. And was he hanging out at the bar when you were supposed to be having a family lunch?

madeyemoody · 13/02/2023 11:48

Need to stamp it out now and let your son know there is no such thing as acting like a girl.
We need to do it with my nephews a lot, they like to say "crying like a girl" "you hit like a girl" and it's not okay. Don't have your son grow up thinking expressing emotions is weak and that it's inferior behaviour only women do. This age is is where there lessons count, turn it around before he is too old to change.

dapsnotplimsolls · 13/02/2023 11:50

Sexist twice - you'd already dealt with the issue so he didn't need to take him outside and the sexist language. Ugh.

StephanieSuperpowers · 13/02/2023 11:50

Don't have your son grow up thinking expressing emotions is weak and that it's inferior behaviour only women do.

But apart from anything else, the husband was the one expressing inappropriate emotion. How is it that men get away with this?

SomePosters · 13/02/2023 11:53

How lovely for his daughter that he thinks being a little girl is demeaning.

Xol · 13/02/2023 12:04

If your husband really can't see the problem with (a) undermining your discipline and (b) telling your son that being like a little girl is a bad thing then you probably need to re-evaluate your relationship immediately.

MissWings · 13/02/2023 12:07

One way to make sure your son grows up with no emotional intelligence. Surely you must have known what sort of guy your husband was before having kids with that sort of attitude? These things don’t pop up from nowhere and it amazes me when people post on here shocked by certain things their husbands have said and done. Surely it’s not that much of a shock? If he’s the type to call his son a little girl I would bet there were a million clues prior to having kids that he would be this way.

NuffSaidSam · 13/02/2023 12:08

YANBU

What blows my mind with this though is how do you not know that this is what he's like?! You've been together presumably, at least nine years. Is this new? Or he's always been a sexist pillock but you've put up with it? Or not noticed?! How do you have two kids and nine years with this man?!

MissWings · 13/02/2023 12:09

@NuffSaidSam

Yep. I just don’t get it either. These things are not said out of nowhere.

Marblessolveeverything · 13/02/2023 12:11

There is a number of worrying things in your post - he grabs your son, nobody should be placing their hands on a child to grab! he disciplines his son completely undermining you - you said it was dealt with, and then add in the sexist twits comment.

Pull him up on each and everything every time - these are basic parental standards. I hope this was a once off.