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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call him a little girl...

61 replies

Tryingmybest909 · 13/02/2023 11:38

At the weekend we went out for something to eat, me, husband and two children (son 7 and daughter 8). When we got into the resturant there was a little argument between kids on where they were going to sit. Son raised his voice a little and refused to sit down, I dealt with it and after 30 secs he did sit where I had told him to. Nothing so bad it needed anymore said.
Husband came back from the bar and grabbed son off his chair and took him outside, I am not sure all of what was said. Son came back and after husband had gone back to the bar son told me his Dad had called him a little girl! He said Dad said girls moaned and that was what he was doing! He was upset about it.
I have spoken to husband about it as i think its disgusting he is saying that but he doesn't see anything wrong with it.
Have I overreacted?

OP posts:
Headabovetheparakeet · 13/02/2023 12:20

He picked a 7 year old up out of his chair? How did your son react to that?

BillyDeanisnotmylover · 13/02/2023 12:20

In my experience, my ds cries and whinges far more than my dd. Calling him a little girl would be a compliment.
Your DH is clearly a dinosaur.

BeetrootFeta · 13/02/2023 12:23

Wow. You are not over reacting, I would be angry about this sexism, really angry.

DarkShade · 13/02/2023 12:57

So the problem with your son's behaviour was that he was behaving like an inferior little girl and not like a superior dominating boy? What is he going to say when your daughter misbehaves, typical woman? What is he going to say if your son hits someone, boys will be boys?

This is disgusting. It's teaching your son that different roles and standards apply to him and his sister, that women are inferior and also he did it in an aggressive and disproportionate way that undermines the disciplining you'd already given him.

bobbytorq · 13/02/2023 13:12

What a twat. He manages to belittle your son and your daughter in one swift effort.

jannier · 13/02/2023 13:53

rainbowtwist · 13/02/2023 11:40

Yet you don't seem to have any issue with your husband grabbing your son from his chair?

This

jannier · 13/02/2023 13:57

Why did he need to take your son outside? Knew he was in the wrong or to hide more unacceptable behaviour??? Why did he grab him? Why did he undermine you? How does he normally treat children and you? Nothing respectful in your post just screams controlling abusive mysogony.

Roundabout78 · 13/02/2023 14:17

What a tosser. Why did he come wading in when you’d already dealt with the situation anyway? And how does he think your daughter feels when he’s using girl as an insult?

CTRALTDEL · 13/02/2023 14:19

He sounds like an arse. Sexist towards his daughter, and making his little boy 'toughen' up... Men like your DH are often deeply insecure.

DottieUncBab · 13/02/2023 14:44

Definitely not overreacted!!

2crossedout1 · 13/02/2023 14:46

I would be absolutely furious if my husband said this to my son. Using girl as an insult!! Honestly I would be so mad!

madeyemoody · 13/02/2023 15:10

@StephanieSuperpowers I know it's bad isn't it, the hypocrisy/double standards is outrageous and it actually normalises men being angry! That anger is the only acceptable emotion a boy/man can feel and express. It's the most damaging too.

madeyemoody · 13/02/2023 15:12

@SomePosters

"How lovely for his daughter that he thinks being a little girl is demeaning"

This is so important to acknowledge as well. How many of us grew up with that subtext lodged into our brains.

Mariposista · 13/02/2023 15:22

Quite right to tell him off for whinging over something stupid like where you sit. Totally wrong to connect silly whinging to being female. What an idiot!

Pfeiffle · 13/02/2023 15:30

Yanbu. Your DH was in the wrong for this one. This is how we learn negative stereotypes and it’s so difficult to undo.

crimsonpeak · 13/02/2023 15:35

What a knuckle dragging moron you’ve got yourself there.

newFast · 13/02/2023 15:37

Your husband is a pig.

If mine had dared said anything like this I would given him absolute hell.

He is humiliating your ds and your dd, nasty horrible and pathetic. What a loser.

Tinkerbyebye · 13/02/2023 15:41

You dealt with it and that should be the end of the matter
you should tell you husband that’s it’s dick moves like this that kids remember, and his sone may start to resent him if he carries on

Mouthfulofquiz · 13/02/2023 15:47

Yes your OH is a sexist piece of shite. Being a girl or woman doesn’t mean ‘less than a man’. He’s also teaching your son not to show emotions because it’s negative in his opinion. I bet he’s homophobic too even if he wouldn’t admit it.

SweetStrawberry · 13/02/2023 16:01

Why did your husband feel the need to continue the situation after you had already handled it? Is this a common occurrence?

And him using the term 'little girl' as an insult is clearly inappropriate and sexist. Even more worrying that you also have a daughter. It's also not great that it seems he is putting an attitude out that encourages your son not to share his emotions. It's very damaging, the whole 'boys don't cry' and extremely outdated.

IWonderWhyIBother · 13/02/2023 16:03

Yes it’s sexist but I think it’s due to ignorance. He’s probably grown up where phrases like
don’t be a girl
man up
grow a pair
drama queen
fight like a girl
were the norm, so he doesn’t see the issue as it’s been the sort of thing heard by generations of family. All you can do is educate him to stop using the type of phrases that belittle girls and women especially as you have a daughter.

Naunet · 13/02/2023 16:10

Well how lovely for your daughter, to know that her dad sees her as lesser. He’s a misogynistic prick.

UdoU · 13/02/2023 16:21

rainbowtwist · 13/02/2023 11:40

Yet you don't seem to have any issue with your husband grabbing your son from his chair?

Who says she doesn't? It's implicit from OP's language that she wasn't happy with her H grabbing her son.

Companyofwolves · 13/02/2023 16:27

Your DH sounds like an intimidating bully. Modelling toxic masculinity to your poor DS. Emotions are clearly not allowed for boys & us men.
Is he always such a brute OP?

IsThePopeCatholic · 13/02/2023 17:17

Your dh is a complete twat. Ugh.