Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting vilified as a high earner

295 replies

MagicMondays · 12/02/2023 20:58

DH and I are both high earners. We do highly skilled and quite niche professional jobs which involved most of our 20s spent grafting, living apart, anti social hours etc when our friends were all having more fun! Both jobs still demand long hours and have a lot of responsibility. We have two DC and it's a struggle to sort childcare that works and make sure one of us is around for them. Our mortgage is huge (cos London) on a run of the mill Victorian terrace.
We obviously get no allowances - no personal allowances on income tax, no 30 hours childcare, no child benefit etc. Our tax bill is huge.
No issue with any of that. High earners should pay a disproportionate amount into the system to support others/redistribute wealth etc.

What I can't get my head around is how much people in the UK seem to dislike people like me. I see it on these boards all the time. People demanding I pay more tax, people complaining high earners are not as deserving as nurses, teachers etc, my own family making unfavourable comparisons with others.
We don't live a flash lifestyle at all - ordinary clothes, old car, not really interested in grand holidays, posh restaurants etc. You wouldn't know other than from knowing the jobs we do that we must have a good income.

I'm just a bit tired of this idea that people like me are arseholes in some way. I'm really not!

OP posts:
GreenestValley · 12/02/2023 21:02

I’m not sure what you are complaining about.

people saying nurses shouldn’t pay as much tax as high earners - you say that yourself.

people expecting you to have a luxurious lifestyle - does that really offend you? You do I suppose in the sense that you own a home that would be out of reach for most.

donquixotedelamancha · 12/02/2023 21:05

What do you do? How can anyone know whether it's reasonable to think you 'more deserving' than a nurse without that info?

Praying4Memory · 12/02/2023 21:05

You are doing the exact same in your post. Saying poorer people were "off having fun" in their 20s while you worked hard. Ignoring they often were working just as hard, just for less pay.

FlappyValley · 12/02/2023 21:05

It’s not on for your own family to make you feel bad about this - that sounds like sour grapes to me. However, I don’t think I’ve encountered much on here to suggest people think high earners must be arseholes (it often seems to be quite the opposite), and I’d agree that nurses and teachers are generally more deserving than most high earners working in corporate roles. Wherever you are on the socioeconomic scale someone will always have a problem with you - the best thing is not to let it bother you 🤷‍♀️

TiaI · 12/02/2023 21:07

I know lots of people, many in important high flying jobs and others in important humble jobs. Makes no difference to me, everyone is just working hard trying to do the best they can

AG247 · 12/02/2023 21:07

What most people don’t understand is ‘more money’ more problems.

The bracket of ‘wealth’ people assume are responsible for a lot of the things you listed, is far far far higher than your current earning station (that is not to disparage you I am in the same position).

Almost 50% tax, higher cost of living associated with higher income and all of the things that we know come with this are not considered by many people. That includes the demands mentally and physically on those in certain earning brackets. Once you’re in a particular financial position you also have more overheads and often more financial responsibility which makes it very very difficult to wind down or take a lower paying job without total upheaval of your family and dependants.

I would ignore these people; the grass always looks greener but unless you’re Forbes list wealthy, there are a huge host of issues that come with earning well that people do not see.

I remember being a teenager and only dreaming of earning a salary which currently reflects an average wage in the U.K. now. People presume money makes life easier and to many extents it does, but it can also come with many more burdens and no significant rise in personal happiness or relief in stress. there have been a few studies on this.

SecretPeston · 12/02/2023 21:08

I hear you, OP @MagicMondays

Forgooodnesssakenow · 12/02/2023 21:08

I'm a high earner in a niche profession married to a higher earner in a more niche profession. I've never experienced being villified as you call it. Yes we should pay more tax, no we don't need child benefit, yes we're very fortunate that while we work hard we get more than fairly compensated for our time. We're fortunate because we're academically minded, yes we work hard but may work as hard a d harder and never get to earn the wage we do. Which is shit!

I don't know what you're moaning about

PurpleButterflyWings · 12/02/2023 21:08

🙄

PinkFrogss · 12/02/2023 21:09

To not get a tax free allowance you must earn £125k each right? My heart bleeds for you OP

Not sure what you want out of this thread but I’ll at my tiny violin for you anyway

donquixotedelamancha · 12/02/2023 21:09

I'm just a bit tired of this idea that people like me are arseholes in some way.

I'm trying to think what jobs are regarded as being exclusively populated by arseholes?

OP isn't a teacher because she's highly paid. MiL and Vegan aren't jobs.

Particularprick · 12/02/2023 21:10

It's the implication others weren't also working hard, living apart, struggling with things, struggling with childcare now - but all with less money.

EllaPaella · 12/02/2023 21:10

I don't think anyone suggests that high earners are not as deserving as nurses or teachers, rather nurses and teachers deserve an income worthy of their level of academic skill and expertise that reflects how hard they work - just like you.

Abba123 · 12/02/2023 21:10

I think the issue isn’t how much you earn, but the amount of disposable income one person has whilst someone else is dying from starvation, for example.

I’m from a poor upbringing, much less deprived than most.

Then I married a wealthy man. Nothing dodgy about it, he simply had money. He worked hard in the right industry.

My family really cannot get their head around him being wealthy and being a good man.

So, I get out point but I feel that you need to try and take on board the reality of some peoples circumstances.

PinkFrogss · 12/02/2023 21:10

AG247 · 12/02/2023 21:07

What most people don’t understand is ‘more money’ more problems.

The bracket of ‘wealth’ people assume are responsible for a lot of the things you listed, is far far far higher than your current earning station (that is not to disparage you I am in the same position).

Almost 50% tax, higher cost of living associated with higher income and all of the things that we know come with this are not considered by many people. That includes the demands mentally and physically on those in certain earning brackets. Once you’re in a particular financial position you also have more overheads and often more financial responsibility which makes it very very difficult to wind down or take a lower paying job without total upheaval of your family and dependants.

I would ignore these people; the grass always looks greener but unless you’re Forbes list wealthy, there are a huge host of issues that come with earning well that people do not see.

I remember being a teenager and only dreaming of earning a salary which currently reflects an average wage in the U.K. now. People presume money makes life easier and to many extents it does, but it can also come with many more burdens and no significant rise in personal happiness or relief in stress. there have been a few studies on this.

Yes poor people are so lucky not have all all of those problems associated with being wealthy Hmm

Original poster
MagicMondays · 12/02/2023 21:10

GreenestValley · 12/02/2023 21:02

I’m not sure what you are complaining about.

people saying nurses shouldn’t pay as much tax as high earners - you say that yourself.

people expecting you to have a luxurious lifestyle - does that really offend you? You do I suppose in the sense that you own a home that would be out of reach for most.

If you listen to what people say on these boards the answer to all the country's problems is tax the high earners more. I'm not sure how that would work because eventually you'd be paying more in tax than you take home.
I had a pay rise this year that was a pay cut because it flipped me into a new threshold. I don't expect anyone to care because there are bigger problems in the world, I get that. But with 10% inflation on top it's strained our finances.

OP posts:
Euchariahere · 12/02/2023 21:11

Forgooodnesssakenow · 12/02/2023 21:08

I'm a high earner in a niche profession married to a higher earner in a more niche profession. I've never experienced being villified as you call it. Yes we should pay more tax, no we don't need child benefit, yes we're very fortunate that while we work hard we get more than fairly compensated for our time. We're fortunate because we're academically minded, yes we work hard but may work as hard a d harder and never get to earn the wage we do. Which is shit!

I don't know what you're moaning about

Preach 🙌

Margo34 · 12/02/2023 21:12

Why does it bother you, what you "see on these boards all the time"? Are you unhappy with your lifestyle and situation? Be proud of yourselves and live contentedly. And maybe stop reading the boards? 🤷

Getir · 12/02/2023 21:12

🎻

puppacup · 12/02/2023 21:13

I'm trying to think what jobs are regarded as being exclusively populated by arseholes?

bankers? tech founders? 😆

PinkFrogss · 12/02/2023 21:13

You could always retrain and take a lower paid job as a teacher, nurse, social worker, cater etc OP if it bothers you that much Smile

theGooHasGone · 12/02/2023 21:13

Why do you care? They're likely either jealous or ignorant, and either way it makes no difference. Haters gonna hate.

I'm not sure how that would work because eventually you'd be paying more in tax than you take home.
I had a pay rise this year that was a pay cut because it flipped me into a new threshold.

That... isn't how taxes work. Rates are progressive. Are you trolling?

puppacup · 12/02/2023 21:14

What most people don’t understand is ‘more money’ more problems.

I don't agree with this. Ime the majority of people who have money come from money, that is a huge safety net that is often overlooked.

mayblossominapril · 12/02/2023 21:15

I think one of the issues is most further down are working very hard, often driving old cars and ordinary clothes, not having fancy holidays or meals out but many have the added burden of not being able to afford a decent roof over their head or cover the bills.

I worked two jobs during my 20s didn’t have an expensive social life it’s not uncommon at any income level.
Tax and benefits so have to be on a sliding scale but a significant part of the tax burden is on the poorest through regressive taxes such as VAT and fuel duty.

TakeNoTweetsGiveNoQuacks · 12/02/2023 21:15

You don't have to feel bad about it, but sure you can understand that you bemoaning your status when there are people unable to feed their children is a bit crass?

We have a medium-high income household btw, so I don't think you're an arsehole for earning whatever it is you earn.