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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting vilified as a high earner

295 replies

MagicMondays · 12/02/2023 20:58

DH and I are both high earners. We do highly skilled and quite niche professional jobs which involved most of our 20s spent grafting, living apart, anti social hours etc when our friends were all having more fun! Both jobs still demand long hours and have a lot of responsibility. We have two DC and it's a struggle to sort childcare that works and make sure one of us is around for them. Our mortgage is huge (cos London) on a run of the mill Victorian terrace.
We obviously get no allowances - no personal allowances on income tax, no 30 hours childcare, no child benefit etc. Our tax bill is huge.
No issue with any of that. High earners should pay a disproportionate amount into the system to support others/redistribute wealth etc.

What I can't get my head around is how much people in the UK seem to dislike people like me. I see it on these boards all the time. People demanding I pay more tax, people complaining high earners are not as deserving as nurses, teachers etc, my own family making unfavourable comparisons with others.
We don't live a flash lifestyle at all - ordinary clothes, old car, not really interested in grand holidays, posh restaurants etc. You wouldn't know other than from knowing the jobs we do that we must have a good income.

I'm just a bit tired of this idea that people like me are arseholes in some way. I'm really not!

OP posts:
Botw1 · 12/02/2023 21:15

I don't think higher earners are vilified

The idea that they work harder than anyone else is challenged. The idea they deserve the higher wage, also rightly challenged.

They should pay more tax too

Im not sure what you want op?

DrManhattan · 12/02/2023 21:15

Boohoo

Original poster
MagicMondays · 12/02/2023 21:15

Abba123 · 12/02/2023 21:10

I think the issue isn’t how much you earn, but the amount of disposable income one person has whilst someone else is dying from starvation, for example.

I’m from a poor upbringing, much less deprived than most.

Then I married a wealthy man. Nothing dodgy about it, he simply had money. He worked hard in the right industry.

My family really cannot get their head around him being wealthy and being a good man.

So, I get out point but I feel that you need to try and take on board the reality of some peoples circumstances.

Yes it's exactly this. I come from a poor background and that's where it stems from. I feel constantly guilty for having more money than I did growing up.

OP posts:
puppacup · 12/02/2023 21:15

If you listen to what people say on these boards the answer to all the country's problems is tax the high earners more

The tax system is crap though, the bands are disproportionate plus I think we should tax things like CGT in line with income.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 12/02/2023 21:15

Another one not sure what your problem is?

If you're tired of being 'vilified' for working hard during your 20s and now earning £££, then maybe you should stop talking about how hard your life is compared to people who arguably work just as hard but can only dream of the 'ordinary' life you lead.

PremiumTV · 12/02/2023 21:17

Because there is jealousy. Nothing you can say or do to change people's opinion short of giving away 100% of your money.
Ignore the haters,live your life.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 12/02/2023 21:17

What most people don’t understand is ‘more money’ more problems

What the wealthy fail to understand is that the phrase should be, more money, more choices that might cause problems

Forgooodnesssakenow · 12/02/2023 21:18

AG247 · 12/02/2023 21:07

What most people don’t understand is ‘more money’ more problems.

The bracket of ‘wealth’ people assume are responsible for a lot of the things you listed, is far far far higher than your current earning station (that is not to disparage you I am in the same position).

Almost 50% tax, higher cost of living associated with higher income and all of the things that we know come with this are not considered by many people. That includes the demands mentally and physically on those in certain earning brackets. Once you’re in a particular financial position you also have more overheads and often more financial responsibility which makes it very very difficult to wind down or take a lower paying job without total upheaval of your family and dependants.

I would ignore these people; the grass always looks greener but unless you’re Forbes list wealthy, there are a huge host of issues that come with earning well that people do not see.

I remember being a teenager and only dreaming of earning a salary which currently reflects an average wage in the U.K. now. People presume money makes life easier and to many extents it does, but it can also come with many more burdens and no significant rise in personal happiness or relief in stress. there have been a few studies on this.

More money more problems? Oh do shut up! What utter nonsense. You've clearly not experienced poverty to make such a stupid statement.

Original poster
MagicMondays · 12/02/2023 21:18

puppacup · 12/02/2023 21:15

If you listen to what people say on these boards the answer to all the country's problems is tax the high earners more

The tax system is crap though, the bands are disproportionate plus I think we should tax things like CGT in line with income.

100% agree with this. CGT really needs an overhaul

OP posts:
ChiefWiggumsBoy · 12/02/2023 21:18

PremiumTV · 12/02/2023 21:17

Because there is jealousy. Nothing you can say or do to change people's opinion short of giving away 100% of your money.
Ignore the haters,live your life.

Ermm...she's literally come here asking why she's vilified for being a high earner. If she doesn't want to hear it, she doesn't need to ask.

ThePoshUns · 12/02/2023 21:18

What are you hoping to achieve from this thread?

AG247 · 12/02/2023 21:20

There are plenty of additional issues, dependent on your lifestyle. I’m not saying it’s easier to have less money, but many who earn well take on far more financial burden and responsibility which inevitably leaves them unable to actually have any flexibility in their life.

My father was a successful lawyer who was up at 5am and bed most nights at 1am. I have seen first hand the toll it took on him, on my family, on never seeing him, on the stress he put himself under to provide, and being unable to step away when he had health issues as he felt it would mean derailing our lives by taking us out of schools etc. Money is great but it doesn’t always make a happy family, or benefit your health.

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 12/02/2023 21:20

Yabu to think you are a high earner because you "worked harder" than other people.

Sparklesocks · 12/02/2023 21:21

I’m sorry you feel vilified OP but it’s not like you and your DH get nothing from this - having a large mortgage means you’re building up equity for a London property which is just impossible for a large chunk of the country, you’re not stuck at the whims of landlords who want to sell up and you can’t afford a deposit to buy, or council properties where you’re reliant on the housing association for repairs etc. I imagine you have decent pensions at your respective jobs too. I think most people would happily accept your position for the rewards.

The bottom line is a lot of people are struggling to make ends meet at the moment on far lower incomes, so you’re never going to win gold in this particular Olympics. You work hard and have earned your money and that’s commendable. I’m sorry you get disparaging comments from family etc but this still comes off quite tone deaf in all honesty.

Original poster
MagicMondays · 12/02/2023 21:21

Lots of people calling me out for saying I worked hard. Fair point and I apologise. It was more in comparison to a few specific family members.
And I also I guess to make the point I didn't just fall into it, I did put the work in. My guilt talking there I guess

OP posts:
largeprintagathachristie · 12/02/2023 21:21

It’s your, “we worked hard” line that winds people up, OP.

It has, me.

Do you think nurses didn’t work hard in their 20s?

Forgooodnesssakenow · 12/02/2023 21:22

MagicMondays · 12/02/2023 21:15

Yes it's exactly this. I come from a poor background and that's where it stems from. I feel constantly guilty for having more money than I did growing up.

Show quote history

It's weird to me that you can come from a poor back ground (I do too) and not see that you have SO MUCH! I think it's that that people are baffled by. I too livee in an ordinary terraced house in a city. We drive an old car etc. We make specific choices but they are choices. We're not living in aekergency accomodation, we're not in an overcrowded house, we can afford home repairs, if we get home late we can afford a take away, if I feel stuck in with the kids I can throw money at the issue by going to softplay and out for lunch. All things my parents couldnt have afforded. You no longer see luxury as luxury because you HAVE these thing.s

Forgooodnesssakenow · 12/02/2023 21:23

AG247 · 12/02/2023 21:20

There are plenty of additional issues, dependent on your lifestyle. I’m not saying it’s easier to have less money, but many who earn well take on far more financial burden and responsibility which inevitably leaves them unable to actually have any flexibility in their life.

My father was a successful lawyer who was up at 5am and bed most nights at 1am. I have seen first hand the toll it took on him, on my family, on never seeing him, on the stress he put himself under to provide, and being unable to step away when he had health issues as he felt it would mean derailing our lives by taking us out of schools etc. Money is great but it doesn’t always make a happy family, or benefit your health.

He could have worked less and had less money. The money was more important to him. He made that choice because he had the choice.

BubziOwl · 12/02/2023 21:24

OP, the issue here is that the premise of your post is that being a high earner is difficult because some people on mumsnet think you should pay more tax, and they value other people's jobs more than they value yours.

Problems related to poverty tend to be a bit more substantial than that, don't they?

So therefore your post rubs people up the wrong way because of the above, making them further irritated by what they perceive to be higher earners' attitudes and making you feel even more hard done by.

Not sure what you thought this post would achieve tbh!

Forgooodnesssakenow · 12/02/2023 21:25

AG247 · 12/02/2023 21:20

There are plenty of additional issues, dependent on your lifestyle. I’m not saying it’s easier to have less money, but many who earn well take on far more financial burden and responsibility which inevitably leaves them unable to actually have any flexibility in their life.

My father was a successful lawyer who was up at 5am and bed most nights at 1am. I have seen first hand the toll it took on him, on my family, on never seeing him, on the stress he put himself under to provide, and being unable to step away when he had health issues as he felt it would mean derailing our lives by taking us out of schools etc. Money is great but it doesn’t always make a happy family, or benefit your health.

Also my dad was a farm labourer who worked similar hours to make enough to keep body and soul together. He didn't have the choice to work less, it was work or not afford to live. Your dad could have worked half the hours, spent more time with you all and had a perfectly decent lifestyle.

gemloving · 12/02/2023 21:25

I live in London and have no issues and would never say anything negative about high earners.

Wouldn't a nanny make more sense in your case, then send them 15h to nursery school, then they start school.

Original poster
MagicMondays · 12/02/2023 21:25

Forgooodnesssakenow · 12/02/2023 21:22

It's weird to me that you can come from a poor back ground (I do too) and not see that you have SO MUCH! I think it's that that people are baffled by. I too livee in an ordinary terraced house in a city. We drive an old car etc. We make specific choices but they are choices. We're not living in aekergency accomodation, we're not in an overcrowded house, we can afford home repairs, if we get home late we can afford a take away, if I feel stuck in with the kids I can throw money at the issue by going to softplay and out for lunch. All things my parents couldnt have afforded. You no longer see luxury as luxury because you HAVE these thing.s

Show quote history

I do see that, absolutely I do. The best thing earning more money has given me is exactly that choice you talk about.
I'm not bemoaning my situation at all but just a bit surprised how much bad feeling it has caused with family and how much guilt I carry around for having more than others.

OP posts:
AG247 · 12/02/2023 21:26

Maybe not, but I have been hospitalised and put on long term medication as a result of work pressure, so I can rightfully say that it doesn’t necessarily make life happier. Never said it was harder and certainly wouldn’t say corporate roles are halfway comparable to NHS or other essential jobs either. We are all human, making money doesn’t make someone immune to other stresses and life issues.

bonzaitree · 12/02/2023 21:28

My bf is from a poor background. He can’t get his head around some relatives of mine being very rich (many millions) and also being kind and generous and very loving towards me.

Its like he has this idea in his head that being rich is a bad thing and only awful greedy selfish people are rich.

He knows this is illogical but it’s an ingrained idea!

Viviennemary · 12/02/2023 21:28

Poor souls. What a burden uour life is. You need to count your blessings and maybe you will find people treat you differently. Instead of whining about how hard your life is. Sorry no sympathy here.