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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Life is too expensive and not enjoyable.

391 replies

buildingourdreams · 12/02/2023 15:49

I am only 26 years old and I am tired

H and I both earn okay money both work ft and I sometimes do part time work too

We've 2 boys under 7 and After rent bills and food and petrol we have not a penny .
This is with our parents helping with childcare we don't even have to pay childcare for the boys thankfully 🙏

We Can't go on holiday. Can't even have a takeaway or my nails done

We rent and Can't save for a house to buy don't get any benefits other than the basic Cb about £200 month. (And I don't expect or want handouts anyway)

Is this our life now ? Don't tell me to get a better job as I might do as I get older but this is not the point I'm making . If someone works full time they should be able to afford a few treats in life and specially with 2 incomes!

I worry constantly that we are failing our kids and should I even have had them? And also Like, what will even become of people like us when we're old ?

OP posts:
midgemadgemodge · 12/02/2023 21:26

The cost of things is low

You shop in day Germany for food and you pay loads

You compare the cost of owning a car or a tv to 40 years ago

It's your share of profit that is low

Think also - if you are being ripped off for stuff , then you think youbshould pay less which leads to ... even lower wages for people

Testina · 12/02/2023 21:27

“it's the cost of everything and I don't buy into all this bullshit like oh it's cos of the Ukrainian war etc. it's because companies know they can price gouge so they continue doing it !”

Yeah, just under a year ago, all the companies got together and said - let’s use this Ukraine thing to raise prices 🙄

You sound very naïve.

See the higher fuel cost that you’re paying? Every single manufacturer across Europe has seen fuel bill increases that would make your eyes water!

EllaPaella · 12/02/2023 21:33

You are not failing your kids. This was my life as a kid, my parents worked hard but we had very little and holidays were camping in the UK. I didn't go abroad until I was in my teens. We had no central heating, clothes were hand me downs or second hand as were most of our toys, bikes etc.
I don't feel I missed out on anything. My parents did an amazing job and what they couldn't give me and my sister financially they made up ten fold in time and attention. We were happy, felt safe and loved. That's what kids need. I saw two parents who worked hard to provide and I certainly inherited their work ethic.

ElliF · 12/02/2023 21:34

ForestMountainsDesertOcean · 12/02/2023 16:04

Don't vote Tory. Desperate times indeed.

Lol. Of course. Every single country in the world is in the same situation, and the Tory Party did it to all of them. Never mind the fact that the Labour Party have never left office, ever, having not already bankrupted the nation, and the Scots are being desiccated by the Yellows up there.

That has to be one of the dumbest responses I have read in a long time. It demonstrates a complete ignorance of how economies run, how pricing mechanisms work, and how jobs, taxation, benefits etc. work.

Politics is merely there so that the ill educated have something they can talk about to make themselves feel like they understand the world around them. It’s no different to football or reality TV shows.

EllaPaella · 12/02/2023 21:34

Not saying that it's right- just saying you aren't failing your kids

midgemadgemodge · 12/02/2023 21:40

Every country isn't as bad as the UK

The UK is doing the worst compared to its historic peers

Yes times are hard world wide but how that hardness is experienced varies - and in the uk the rich poor divide is much greater , so the people at the bottom are losing out compared to the poor in other societies

autienotnaughty · 12/02/2023 21:42

I grew up in the 80's dad worked full time (bricklayer). Mum did part time accounting . Childcare was grandparents. We never had a take away, parties, days out or meals out. We had a holiday every other year usually Skegness or Filey. We had no car, 1 tv with 4 channels. No heating upstairs. Clothes were hand me downs. Whilst it does suck it's not a new thing and it will probably alway be an issue.

ElliF · 12/02/2023 21:44

@buildingourdreams
There is very little practical advice anyone can give you on a thread like this.
There are also a hundred different options you likely haven’t thought about, so I won’t bore you with any of them because I have no idea what your personal circumstances are.
If you want platitudes and canned generic responses, I’m sure the thread will be full of them.
What I will say is (and everyone has already said it one way or another), your kids don’t need things. They need you. Some of the happiest people I’ve met lived in abject poverty with mothers and fathers who love them. It isn’t possible to fail your children unless you give up.

Teafor1please · 12/02/2023 21:44

It's irritating reading posts about all the free activities op can enjoy. She works full time AND also part time. Her partner works full time. And it is a struggle for them. It shouldn't be should it. Life should have more enjoyment to it.

Op, I sort of get it. We work full time. Two kids. Petrol to get to work costs us both an absolute fortune. Childcare costs are just obscene. Everything costs. Why can't life just be easier.

Original poster
buildingourdreams · 12/02/2023 21:45

Testina · 12/02/2023 21:27

“it's the cost of everything and I don't buy into all this bullshit like oh it's cos of the Ukrainian war etc. it's because companies know they can price gouge so they continue doing it !”

Yeah, just under a year ago, all the companies got together and said - let’s use this Ukraine thing to raise prices 🙄

You sound very naïve.

See the higher fuel cost that you’re paying? Every single manufacturer across Europe has seen fuel bill increases that would make your eyes water!

No they did not but it's a handy excuse

OP posts:
WheelOfFish · 12/02/2023 21:46

Testina · 12/02/2023 21:27

“it's the cost of everything and I don't buy into all this bullshit like oh it's cos of the Ukrainian war etc. it's because companies know they can price gouge so they continue doing it !”

Yeah, just under a year ago, all the companies got together and said - let’s use this Ukraine thing to raise prices 🙄

You sound very naïve.

See the higher fuel cost that you’re paying? Every single manufacturer across Europe has seen fuel bill increases that would make your eyes water!

OP is naive? Do you honestly believe that there aren't any companies that have taken the opportunity to raise prices over and beyond what they have had to due to their own rising costs?

Original poster
buildingourdreams · 12/02/2023 21:46

EllaPaella · 12/02/2023 21:34

Not saying that it's right- just saying you aren't failing your kids

Thank you 🙏

Because I feel I am sometimes. I mean if it's this bad now what will it be like for my kids I can't bear the thought of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
buildingourdreams · 12/02/2023 21:47

autienotnaughty · 12/02/2023 21:42

I grew up in the 80's dad worked full time (bricklayer). Mum did part time accounting . Childcare was grandparents. We never had a take away, parties, days out or meals out. We had a holiday every other year usually Skegness or Filey. We had no car, 1 tv with 4 channels. No heating upstairs. Clothes were hand me downs. Whilst it does suck it's not a new thing and it will probably alway be an issue.

I bet your parents owned a house though.

OP posts:
Original poster
buildingourdreams · 12/02/2023 21:48

Teafor1please · 12/02/2023 21:44

It's irritating reading posts about all the free activities op can enjoy. She works full time AND also part time. Her partner works full time. And it is a struggle for them. It shouldn't be should it. Life should have more enjoyment to it.

Op, I sort of get it. We work full time. Two kids. Petrol to get to work costs us both an absolute fortune. Childcare costs are just obscene. Everything costs. Why can't life just be easier.

Thank you 🙏

Another one who gets it. Sorry to hear things are crap for you as well 💐

OP posts:
Testina · 12/02/2023 21:50

@WheelOfFish no… but I also don’t think OP is right to think that the Ukraine situation as an impact is just made up bullshit 🙄

happyfeet5 · 12/02/2023 21:51

YANBU. I don’t know how we’ll buy. Currently renting a 2 bed house, it’s lovely but I can’t see how we can buy any bigger or anything anytime soon. We are slightly younger than you and pre-DC but hoping for them soon, but you really have to make choices these days like buy a house OR have kids in your 20s. If you put everything into buying a house you have no money left for fun.
It’s super demoralising and I have lots of empathy for your situation. I hope things improve. I hope we get a labour government next time.

autienotnaughty · 12/02/2023 21:53

@buildingourdreams they had a mortgage. And (according to my dad) interest rates were 14%!! I'm not saying it's not crap of course it's crap. But people act likes its new. It's not new.

WinterFoxes · 12/02/2023 21:55

OP you are absolutely right, it's crazy that a doible income household can't afford soem treats. But please don;t let that turn into 'no fun'. If you can't afford cinema, you can watch a family film free on amazon prime or netflix, make your own pop corn and have slices of cheap pizza - home made or special offer. Family entertainment and dinner for under £10. You can do loads with very young DC for free - just going for walks, jumping in puddles, building dens, climbing on fallen logs, going to the playpark, making bug hotels, making an indoor den with chairs and pillows and sheets then reading them a story inside it.

Once they are at school you might be able to increase your hours

Interoperability · 12/02/2023 21:56

When I was your age with little ones, DH worked all the hours and we struggled too (i was made redundant after maternity leave!). We had £68 left after bills every month. I still have the spreadsheet! Sometimes I look at it and my blood runs cold.

It was tough! But we muddled through.

Things do get better and your earning potential will go up and up! Children grow up so quickly.

Its miserable, but stay positive x

defi · 12/02/2023 21:57

My mum had myself and my brothers in the 90s and was a Sahm for about ten years . She bought her first house for about 30k in the 90s with my dad. and my dad worked in a warehouse if I remember correct so nothing special or highly paid work wise

We had foreign holidays once a year most years and I don't think we had loads of money but we did have everything we needed

I don't get why it's so much worse now

^^ world has changed soo much. My grandad worked in a warehouse, Nan stayed at home two kids and bought a house. No way you could do that now. Minimum wage job can't support one person never mind a family

Interoperability · 12/02/2023 21:57

I used to write seasonal lists of things to do for free.

And NT membership was a lifesaver. It gave me a life and access to many carparks (and toilets!)

ElliF · 12/02/2023 21:58

midgemadgemodge · 12/02/2023 21:07

The only thing you are ripped off for is your work hours - your pay

Ripped off - the share of business income that goes to the shareholders and bosses as opposed to the workers

Socialist clap-trap that demonstrates both an ignorance of the world around them, and over consumption of television.

bellswithwhistles · 12/02/2023 21:58

You need to properly budget! For a start off, CB for two kids isn't as much as £200 a month which says to me you're not sure exactly how much it is. There's some money there for you to play with ;) If you were literally living hand to mouth, you'd know exactly how much it was (as I do ,as some months I am literally desperate for it to buy food with)

Diddlediddlehey · 12/02/2023 22:01

We're in the same boat OP - except I'm in my early 30s - I had hoped we'd be in a better position by now - both dh and I retrained in our mid 20s and then lost new jobs just after covid, ate our measly savings and were now in a new job so starting all over...again.

It's absolutely wearing- I cried earlier today as I was paid two weeks ago and I have all of £20 to last me till the 28th (I'm lucky that I do have a OD I can use) Half terms looming and I have no idea how I can entertain the kids - another school break going to the library and staying in the house- most of their little friends are off on holidays, softplay, kids clubs, zoos, farms and aquariums - all of which are just too expensive for us. I'm fed up, and so so tired of constantly fretting...by the time I was my eldest child age I had been abroad twice (my mum worked pt and used her wages for fun money)- my eldest has never stepped foot on a aeroplane and most likely never will in his childhood .... i too feel like a failure. Its all just so bleak.

ElliF · 12/02/2023 22:06

I think it’s hilarious that people whine that they have to pay 6% for a mortgage. For over 180 years of the past 200 years, the Bank of England base rate has been above 5%. The average over the past 200 years has be 5.25%.

Lots of self-entitled ignoramuses in this country are whining and wringing their bleeding hearts because they believe they should be entitled to have someone lend them £250K at less than 4% interest.

Inflation is running above 9%, and they genuinely believe that a bank should lend them quarter of a million quid at a guaranteed 5% loss. They really believe they should be able to borrow the money and not pay back what they borrowed, let alone allow the bank to make any interest on their investment.

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