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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Life is too expensive and not enjoyable.

391 replies

buildingourdreams · 12/02/2023 15:49

I am only 26 years old and I am tired

H and I both earn okay money both work ft and I sometimes do part time work too

We've 2 boys under 7 and After rent bills and food and petrol we have not a penny .
This is with our parents helping with childcare we don't even have to pay childcare for the boys thankfully 🙏

We Can't go on holiday. Can't even have a takeaway or my nails done

We rent and Can't save for a house to buy don't get any benefits other than the basic Cb about £200 month. (And I don't expect or want handouts anyway)

Is this our life now ? Don't tell me to get a better job as I might do as I get older but this is not the point I'm making . If someone works full time they should be able to afford a few treats in life and specially with 2 incomes!

I worry constantly that we are failing our kids and should I even have had them? And also Like, what will even become of people like us when we're old ?

OP posts:
Original poster
buildingourdreams · 12/02/2023 16:44

Hongkongsuey · 12/02/2023 16:39

You have my sympathy. Life as a young family is harder than when I was young. We could live in one salary so no childcare and stressing about taking time off. Housing was far more affordable. If you had a reasonable job, you had a pretty good standard of living. Now you need to earn much more to service the housing and childcare. But I would take a look at who has been in power over the last 10 years.

This is what I'm trying to say

My mum had myself and my brothers in the 90s and was a Sahm for about ten years . She bought her first house for about 30k in the 90s with my dad. and my dad worked in a warehouse if I remember correct so nothing special or highly paid work wise

We had foreign holidays once a year most years and I don't think we had loads of money but we did have everything we needed

I don't get why it's so much worse now

OP posts:
Buildingthefuture · 12/02/2023 16:46

It’s shit op, but it’s not going to change. You are right, whatever government we have, can you honestly see a fall in food/energy prices back to what they were? It’s not going to happen. This is the status quo moving forward. And it’s not going to get any better. The only way is for you to earn more money. And that means taking risks. I know everyone on MN seems to think the well off have been gifted it/were born with a silver spoon, but IME, that’s not always the case. You have to bet on you. So, go self employed, borrow money and open a salon, hell, my own hairdresser worked out she’d be far better off being a dog walker, so that’s what she did. Work out what YOU need for you and your family, and make a plan to get it. It won’t fall in your lap, it will be scary and hard, but it is there if you want it. Should you have to? Hell no. But that’s where we are……

pd339 · 12/02/2023 16:46

Well yeah, kids are expensive. Always have been and surely not a surprise.

holeymoley3 · 12/02/2023 16:47

I completely agree op. Me and DH both work full time and have two Dc under 6. We feel like we live to work and there is nothing to look forward to.

Are we genuinely the only country that is currently feeling this? Are there countries out there that this isn't an issue? Not that we could ever actually move but it's nice to dream? Lol

doadeer · 12/02/2023 16:48

I agree it's all very expensive. Lots more stay at home mums or part time hours when I was younger and the dad's didn't do high paid jobs. It's really tough and very hard to have a family young now. I think that's why more people are a lot older having kids.

midgemadgemodge · 12/02/2023 16:49

It's much worse because

Our economy is doing worse than it should (brexit )

There is a war almost in Europe.
And climate is changing which is making things less secure

Our elite have been moving society towards a 2 tier society - the rich and everyone else so that what money is available isn't being shared as evenly as in the past

midgemadgemodge · 12/02/2023 16:50

holeymoley3 · 12/02/2023 16:47

I completely agree op. Me and DH both work full time and have two Dc under 6. We feel like we live to work and there is nothing to look forward to.

Are we genuinely the only country that is currently feeling this? Are there countries out there that this isn't an issue? Not that we could ever actually move but it's nice to dream? Lol

We are rare as a country in how backwards people feel we have gone

Living to work is the norm worldwide

Thisispainful · 12/02/2023 16:50

Do you qualify for UC. Have you checked? As you rent you might be surprised.

tonystarksrighthand · 12/02/2023 16:51

ForestMountainsDesertOcean · 12/02/2023 16:04

Don't vote Tory. Desperate times indeed.

I always find this interesting. Everyone I know who is well off / rich ... votes Tory.

Hubblebubble · 12/02/2023 16:54

Can you take courses to help you specialise further, and offer things other hairdressers cant? It could help you get promoted to head stylist or do something a bit outside the box, like hair for theater/film/tv/period dramas.

SomeAlienConcept · 12/02/2023 16:54

I think you need to look at your budget and time management. Yes, times are hard but you're only 26, don't give up yet.
Try and appreciate the good you have in your life since you said you can't do much to increase income at the moment. You've 2 children, a family, a roof over your head, health?, a partner, a skill and a job, a dream for your future.

Best things in life are not nails and takeaways it's things like family, health, love and great sex. All free.

Backstreets · 12/02/2023 16:55

You are absolutely right. It’s shit, and I hope things look up soon.

it would be easier if we led more community oriented lives, and could help each other out with childcare and meals, but we’re mostly left fending for ourselves these days and most socialising like the pub, the cafe and gigs comes with an ever heftier price tag.

ilovesooty · 12/02/2023 16:57

buildingourdreams · 12/02/2023 16:35

@Ducksinthebath

Yes agreed I am complaining about not having enough money and that is true - I don't

But my other major point l am trying (and
Maybe failing 🤦‍♀️) to make is the fact that everything costs far too much

I think most people understand what you're saying. Prices have risen so much and we have no control over that.

Bitofhelpoverhere · 12/02/2023 17:00

You had your kids young. They will stop being your financial responsibility early in your 40s I presume. That means you will will have the money to have a great life whilst you are stilll young! Hang in there!

( but yes, life is ridiculously expensive, especially housing due to the near destruction of the social rented sector and failure for governments to ensure a proper housing market across tenures).

SomeAlienConcept · 12/02/2023 17:01

tonystarksrighthand · 12/02/2023 16:51

I always find this interesting. Everyone I know who is well off / rich ... votes Tory.

Show quote history

Yes because Tory policies benefit them. They are made for and by rich people who use private schools, private health cares, don't want their second and third homes penalised... they don't care or need to worry about ordinarily people's NHS, social housing or schooling. They begrudge the income tax they pay to support poorer people. Unless someone is exceptionally fair minded, this is human nature. If you were rich, you too might cross to the dark side.

GiltEdges · 12/02/2023 17:05

If you believe that even half of what you list will happen under Starmee’s Labour you’re deluded. Which is worse than OP’s ignorance.

OliveToboogie · 12/02/2023 17:07

It's tough when they are young. My exh and I lived on one wage for years. I was Teacher he was stay at home dad. I got up at 5am and travelled 1.5 hours to work and back on public transport. We were not entitled to any benefits just CB.

Its so hard but sometimes you just have to put on your big girls pants and dig deep.

CoalCraft · 12/02/2023 17:08

buildingourdreams · 12/02/2023 16:44

This is what I'm trying to say

My mum had myself and my brothers in the 90s and was a Sahm for about ten years . She bought her first house for about 30k in the 90s with my dad. and my dad worked in a warehouse if I remember correct so nothing special or highly paid work wise

We had foreign holidays once a year most years and I don't think we had loads of money but we did have everything we needed

I don't get why it's so much worse now

Show quote history

Yup. I'm 28. When I was young my parents worked full time but has bare-minimum salaries, yet we lived in a decent-sized house (admittedly in the middle of nowhere), had a holiday abroad most years and had takeaway once a fortnight, alongside meals out every couple of months.

Now I'm an adult with two young kids, DH and I both work full time and we have takeaway once a month as a treat with no family holidays ever, and none on the horizon. We both work full time with a combined salary of £55K, but virtually all our money goes on childcare, mortgage and bills. We get basics brand everything when it comes to food and bulk buy as much as we can. We're in a better position than most our age in that we own our home, but this was only possible thanks to my parents generously contributing to the deposit.

Once the kids start school childcare costs will reduce which will be a huge relief, but it's a struggle in the meantime.

Things have definitely gotten more expensive.

Ragwort · 12/02/2023 17:08

Two DC at 27 is going to be very tough ... it's not a choice I would recommend to my own adult DC. I waited a long time to have my DC to make sure we were financially secure (& I stuck at one).

Ragwort · 12/02/2023 17:08

Sorry ... I see you are 26 ...

Testina · 12/02/2023 17:09

“If someone works full time they should be able to afford a few treats in life and specially with 2 incomes!”

Your treats are your children.
If you’re 26 and refer to an under 7, you had the first at about 20?
You can’t financially have everything - to start a family young, but also have lots of disposable income.
So enjoy your choices - and they’re a nice thing to enjoy!

DaughterofBrum · 12/02/2023 17:10

SomeAlienConcept · 12/02/2023 17:01

Yes because Tory policies benefit them. They are made for and by rich people who use private schools, private health cares, don't want their second and third homes penalised... they don't care or need to worry about ordinarily people's NHS, social housing or schooling. They begrudge the income tax they pay to support poorer people. Unless someone is exceptionally fair minded, this is human nature. If you were rich, you too might cross to the dark side.

Show quote history

Actually the collapse of public services benefits no one. Even rich people in the States are bankrupted by health insurance suddenly withdrawing support, for instance. No one actually wants to live in a country where you can't drive a car because the road surfaces don't get repaired and you have to gate yourself into an estate because of rising crime and fear but we are being conditioned to expect all this. I think the fact that the OP can't imagine an alternative to the Tories and the way we are being governed, a permanent state of crisis and shortage in basic services, is very telling.

By the way I live in a well off area of London and I meet far fewer Tories than I used to.

hidingbehindascreen · 12/02/2023 17:14

@buildingourdreams

You are not alone... it's 12 days to payday, and we have £6 in the bank... yes all our bills are paid, but we are housing association so rent is crippling us.
I've just had the kit list for DS Duke of Edinburgh trip and nearly cried!
However, my kids have everything they need (not want), and while we can't afford anything fab, we do have the occasional night away camping or a theme park. We collect 2 for 1 vouchers, find free activities, and sometimes just do things like game or movie night.

WreckTangled · 12/02/2023 17:16

hidingbehindascreen · 12/02/2023 17:14

@buildingourdreams

You are not alone... it's 12 days to payday, and we have £6 in the bank... yes all our bills are paid, but we are housing association so rent is crippling us.
I've just had the kit list for DS Duke of Edinburgh trip and nearly cried!
However, my kids have everything they need (not want), and while we can't afford anything fab, we do have the occasional night away camping or a theme park. We collect 2 for 1 vouchers, find free activities, and sometimes just do things like game or movie night.

I gave my dc some vouchers for Christmas for things like ‘I will tidy your room’ ‘movie night with snacks’ ‘breakfast in bed’ they loved them! Dd has already used the tidy your room one…(glad I only did one of those!).

whocaresaboutbeingpopular · 12/02/2023 17:20

@buildingourdreams

I hear you, when there’s no money for treats you feel like you are just living to work and it’s a daily grind. Try to make the most of your time off with your children, if you don’t have enough for takeaway, have a fakeaway - make savings on the shopping elsewhere, maybe some meat free days, so you can buy a pizza, or you can make them really cheaply. Warmer weather and summer is coming - what have you got to do nearby that is free where you live? Are there any parks? Museums? Countryside? I remember not having enough money for my baby’s milk and had to scrape up enough small change to put in the bank to be able to take a tenner out - that was my low point. I used to try and get out every day, even if only for a walk to the park, getting out of the house in the fresh air helps to energise you, even if you don’t feel like it at first. You need to reframe your situation, and think about what you have got rather than what you haven’t got. You have two healthy boys, a secure home, a good job which could open up lots of opportunities in the future, your husband is going for better paid jobs - this won’t last forever.