The reality is, that the younger people (especially women) have their kids, the harder their lives are financially. This is a generalisation, but as such is generally true…ie for most.
People who don’t have kids until their 30 have time to develop their career and get promotions, not hindered by childcare. This also increases the possibility of buying a house when 2 people are on good full time wages. It’s always been said, that buying after you’ve started your family is harder….often one person is working less or their career has stalled, plus you probably need a family house and not a 1 bed flat.
These are the financial realities of having 2 kids young, and especially if you aren’t especially well qualified with a strong upward job trajectory. Most people without these things, even working full time in moderate jobs, will be finding life isn’t easy. Standards of living are falling, so things like takeaways and having nails done are increasingly luxuries.
I get that you feel that after you’ve worked a full week (and actually OP you’re doing more of a 3.5-4 day week) you should be able to afford a few treats. In fact, you probably still can…..if you look at your spending carefully. It’s just that you need to choose carefully so you have the bits you’d really like and don’t waste money on stuff that’s less important to you.
You might be able to have a monthly takeaway if you can cut down on phone costs or car lease costs or other mo they outgoings. Can you change to sim only phone deals on old handsets? If you’re leasing or PCPing a car, is it the cheapest and smallest car, even if it’s a bit if a squeeze? Sometimes it’s a case of deciding if you want the car with a few extra gadgets or you want the takeaway as you can’t have both.
To be honest, this is likely to be how your life continues unless you’re able to take action to change things and increase your earning potential. And that is possible. It’s harder with small kids but I know people who’ve done it. Otherwise, you are likely to be stuck renting and struggling by.
2 examples I know we’re people who had kids young and one had zero formal qualifications and one only a handful of GCSEs. In their late 20s/early 30s they both worked really hard and one became qualified as a nurse and one as a teacher. It was incredibly hard work, but they were determined to improve their futures. Both got full time jobs and worked hard and got promotions so by the time they were 40, they were in a much stronger position financially. And their kids saw these amazing role models that showed what could be done.
It won’t be easy, but turning things round is possible, if you’re really determined.
Otherwise, you’re not alone in feeling the pinch and finding treats you took for granted or feel should be affordable, just aren’t anymore. For some people it’s not being able to have the heating on, for others, trading down to economy foods, for others having 1 less holiday, for some keeping their car another year, and for some it might be delaying the purchase of a second home. In different ways, everyone’s impacted by it. I guess that if it’s just luxuries we feel we’re missing out on, we should be grateful it’s not needing food banks or only having the heating on one hour per day.
And you have 2 children and a relationship, which most would say is worth more than most material possessions. Lots of wealthy women in their 40s struggle to have a child and in lots of ways would be envious of you….the grass isn’t always greener.