Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To end a long marriage over this

74 replies

Jacqueline1985 · 12/02/2023 09:17

Married over 20 years
hes bad with money. We both work full time but never pooled money, we have a joint account for bills only but his money is his, mine is mine.
No joint savings. I save for various things all year, he spends and flys by the seat of his pants when it comes to saving up for his half of holidays. I expect hes in credit card debit. Always has money for drinks, drinks pretty much daily now
we have kids
doesnt do much to help around the house. Goes away with mates often.
yesterday, no housework, just got up and went out 6 hrs. Then came home in a grump as something he thought was saved for him to eat wasnt and then proceeded to drink beer and sit with a face like a smacked arse all night, angry, slammed doors, stomped around the house.
im done but am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:
MobyJeff · 12/02/2023 09:19

Not unreasonable at all. When you’re done, you’re done. Good luck.

Padamae · 12/02/2023 09:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

UdoU · 12/02/2023 09:20

Yep, time to end it. There is better out there for you.

Alarae · 12/02/2023 09:20

Have you had a firm sit down and gone through everything? If after all that, he shows no inclination of working on anything or change, then yes I would get a divorce.

No one should feel obligated to stay with someone else just because they are married. Life is too short to waste on black clouds.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/02/2023 09:20

You should have left him years ago.

GrumpyPanda · 12/02/2023 09:22

You're only unreasonable in talking about him "helping around the house." Rephrase that. Hes not doing his fair share. And then to complain he doesn't get waited on?!

Applesandcarrots · 12/02/2023 09:22

Yanbu

Ortegaa · 12/02/2023 09:32

The only thing I didn't see an issue in is the going out for 6 hours and not doing housework.....I couldn't be doing with demands of doing housework at certain times or not being able to go out because of it!!

But drinking daily...no.

Grumpy because no food....I mean if I was making a meal I'd make my DH some whether he was in or out but we have a good relationship.

The money thing...can't really comment as we do joint everything, so bills, saving, monthly spends, all joint and no issues. I mean as long as he's paying his half then is the money an issue?

Geneticsbunny · 12/02/2023 09:36

If he is in debt, is there a chance you will end up losing money in the divorce?

44PumpLane · 12/02/2023 09:43

I was just about to say the same as Geneticsbunny. See if you can find out how badly he is in debt as you may end up with half of this debt in the divorce- it's not a reason to stay however as the debt is only likely to increase.

FlowerArranger · 12/02/2023 09:52

. I mean as long as he's paying his half then is the money an issue?

Seriously? Even if it isn't an issue now (though it is, as he has debts...) it sure will be when they retire. OP will have a pension, and her useless husband will still have debts.

stripedsox · 12/02/2023 09:53

Depends if the debt is in his name only though. Op wouldn't be liable for that.

ZekeZeke · 12/02/2023 09:56

You are married the debts can be considered joint debts

Ponoka7 · 12/02/2023 09:56

This shit really grates on you as you get older. Once he's less economically active, the debt will rise. Does he have a job he can do as an aging alcoholic, or will retirement possibly be forced earlier because of health problems that will start. You can't get away with daily drinking forever.

stripedsox · 12/02/2023 09:58

unless she was a grarantor when the debt was taken out.

Original poster
Jacqueline1985 · 12/02/2023 10:00

No its his credit card in his name only. No other debts

OP posts:
Original poster
Jacqueline1985 · 12/02/2023 10:01

But i think were talking around £8k

OP posts:
stripedsox · 12/02/2023 10:02

Zeke they are only joint debts if in joint names married or not. Op said they have joint account for bills and personal accounts in their singular names.
If a bill has both names on it then both parties are liable to pay in the event that the other doesn't. It is the same with loans and mortgage.

stripedsox · 12/02/2023 10:03

His credit card in his name is his liability and debt only, not op's.

Thepeopleversuswork · 12/02/2023 10:05

Nope. Not even slightly unreasonable. You would be unreasonable to stay with him.

billy1966 · 12/02/2023 10:06

Poor children being reared in such a home with a complete selfish waster for a father.

You should have left years ago.

abigailsnan · 12/02/2023 10:11

Do you seriously want to spend the rest of your life tied to this waste of space you have plenty of time ahead of you to enjoy your life without his weight tied to you.Show him the door and don't let him back.You deserve better.

Bonbon21 · 12/02/2023 10:14

Life is too short to be unhappy.
His drinking will always be his priority.
Sort out the paperwork and move on.
You deserve better... be the role model your kids deserve.

Ortegaa · 12/02/2023 10:27

FlowerArranger · 12/02/2023 09:52

. I mean as long as he's paying his half then is the money an issue?

Seriously? Even if it isn't an issue now (though it is, as he has debts...) it sure will be when they retire. OP will have a pension, and her useless husband will still have debts.

But OP doesn't know if he's in debt or not. She said she expects he is, now she's changed that to suspect £8k. Well he either is or he isn't.

Oblomov23 · 12/02/2023 10:36

£8k is quite a lot, to pay off. He'd have to pay off £222 every month for 3 years.