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AIBU?

Not Inviting my best friends to my daughters party

116 replies

GirlsAndPenguins · 12/02/2023 07:52

Hi, ok so…
I feel bad that I’ve upset my best friends for not inviting them to my DDs birthday party. They don’t have children and I’ve only invited her friends from nursery or friends of mine that have children that she hangs around with (play dates etc).
I stupidly chose a tiny venue so there is a huge lack of space. I’m pretty sure I can’t even comfortably fit everyone I have invited!
We went small for 2 reasons:

  1. last year we invited loads that didn’t turn up
  2. I’m 39 weeks pregnant and conscious that I may not make it to the party so didn’t want to spend a bomb and have to cancel at last minute.
    I haven’t even invited any family!
    I don’t want to upset them as they have been amazing friends and are great with DD. But I had to draw the line somewhere.
    AIBU to just invite people with children?
OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

655 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
11%
You are NOT being unreasonable
89%
plumduck · 12/02/2023 07:53

You're fine. Its your daughters party not yours.

Anoisagusaris · 12/02/2023 07:54

You don’t invite adults to a child’s party. You invite children.

Ohshitx · 12/02/2023 07:56

I can see why they’re nose is out of joint initially, if they’re involved in her life then it makes sense that they will want to celebrate with her.

Just explain the situation and organise something else with them, lunch or something. You’re not being unreasonable.

snowfal · 12/02/2023 07:56

The question is why does she want to go to a child's party without a child! My idea of hell and I have a child who has and goes to parties 🤣.

Deviniaursula · 12/02/2023 07:57

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Deviniaursula · 12/02/2023 07:58

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Avariceagain · 12/02/2023 07:58

Could you invite them over for a birthday tea (with cake) instead? More intimate anyway, then they can do presents etc

UdoU · 12/02/2023 07:58

Have you explained family and friends aren’t invited, that it’s just dd’s friends and their chaperones?

Coffeellama · 12/02/2023 07:59

Just explain it’s a childrens party for her and her friends and you are doing a separate celebration with adult friends and invite them round for coffee and some cake/playing with DD.

GirlsAndPenguins · 12/02/2023 07:59

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No I promise, she’s real 😂.
I think it’s because there are people within our mutual friendship circle that have been invited with their children.

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 12/02/2023 08:00

You're fine to keep a children's party for children, but I can see how they've been upset depending on how you've phrased it to your friends.

If you've said "hi friend, we're only inviting DC's friends to a small party, no family and the only adults will be any accompanying parents' then that might go down better than "hi friend, we're only inviting nursery friends and my friends who have children because she hangs out with them whilst the adults catch up".

Both are the same practical decision but one sounds like a deliberate decision for a small party and the other sounds like you're doubling up a get together with your friends and the upset friend is excluded for not having children.

Ohshitx · 12/02/2023 08:00

Ohshitx · 12/02/2023 07:56

I can see why they’re nose is out of joint initially, if they’re involved in her life then it makes sense that they will want to celebrate with her.

Just explain the situation and organise something else with them, lunch or something. You’re not being unreasonable.

THEIR. I can see why THEIR nose is out of joint. Ffs. I’m going to get a coffee.

MaryShelley1818 · 12/02/2023 08:01

It's a child's Birthday party, so you invite children (who due to age will need to be accompanied by parents). You're not inviting adults with or without children.

Deviniaursula · 12/02/2023 08:03

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GirlsAndPenguins · 12/02/2023 08:06

LolaSmiles · 12/02/2023 08:00

You're fine to keep a children's party for children, but I can see how they've been upset depending on how you've phrased it to your friends.

If you've said "hi friend, we're only inviting DC's friends to a small party, no family and the only adults will be any accompanying parents' then that might go down better than "hi friend, we're only inviting nursery friends and my friends who have children because she hangs out with them whilst the adults catch up".

Both are the same practical decision but one sounds like a deliberate decision for a small party and the other sounds like you're doubling up a get together with your friends and the upset friend is excluded for not having children.

Yes I have tried to explain better this morning. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. It possibly wasn’t worded the best and looks like a catch up with friends that they have been excluded from due to not having children, which it is not. Out of a rather large friendship group only 2 are actually coming with their children, although more were invited.

OP posts:
saraclara · 12/02/2023 08:06

Have you explained that you haven't even invite family?

Again, go with ' it's the children who've been invited, not the adults. But they're of an age where an adult had to come with them'

But I can see that if both parents are accompanying each child, rather than one just having to escort them, it has muddied the waters.

SalviaOfficinalis · 12/02/2023 08:08

YANBU.

However…

I know pps are saying you don’t invite adults, but for a 1 or 2 year olds party I think it’s normal to invite adults - the child probably doesn’t have many friends!

So if this is the first year friend hasn’t been invited, and lots of mutual friends are going I can understand why she might be a bit hurt.

I would explain what you’ve said here, and that as DC gets older you’re just inviting children and 1 parent.

Deviniaursula · 12/02/2023 08:11

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GirlsAndPenguins · 12/02/2023 08:11

saraclara · 12/02/2023 08:06

Have you explained that you haven't even invite family?

Again, go with ' it's the children who've been invited, not the adults. But they're of an age where an adult had to come with them'

But I can see that if both parents are accompanying each child, rather than one just having to escort them, it has muddied the waters.

Genuinely asking. Do you specify how many adults can accompany children to a party? I didn’t realise this was even an option! I invite the children and I just get whatever parents turn up normally! For example I know in the nursery crowd one child always seems to turn up with 4 parents (parents and step parents). Even with me, sometimes me and DH go, often I send him alone 😂

OP posts:
plumduck · 12/02/2023 08:11

GirlsAndPenguins · 12/02/2023 07:59

No I promise, she’s real 😂.
I think it’s because there are people within our mutual friendship circle that have been invited with their children.

I didn't realise you had actually upset a friend with this. I thought you were worried you might have.

She is being a bit silly. Tell her it's a kids thing.

StillWantingADog · 12/02/2023 08:14

Nobody invites a childless parent to a child birthday party!
yabu!

ZekeZeke · 12/02/2023 08:16

If the child is under 3 and adults are staying then yes I can understand how your friend may be pissed off as they are really an adult get together.

Divebar2021 · 12/02/2023 08:17

This is fucking weird - in my circle even the parents of children didn’t want to go. As soon as the child is old enough to be left they’re off!!! Tell you’re friend she’ll be essential in year 1 but in the meantime to save herself.

GirlsAndPenguins · 12/02/2023 08:18

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Sorry, not been clear.
Last year a lot of people didn’t turn up.
This year has been much more popular than I expected! I invited loads assuming lots would decline (it’s near 1/2 term and as I said barely anyone showed last year).
Even with the declines so far this year we will be bursting at the seams.
I also did try to invite them in retrospect but they weren’t impressed at being an after thought so declined.
To answer others I will try to do something with them around the time too but it’s all a bit tight on time. The party, meeting up with my family, DH family separately and booked in for a c-section 3 days later 🙈

OP posts:
Deviniaursula · 12/02/2023 08:21

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