Not Inviting my best friends to my daughters party

[GirlsAndPenguins]

Hi, ok so…
I feel bad that I’ve upset my best friends for not inviting them to my DDs birthday party. They don’t have children and I’ve only invited her friends from nursery or friends of mine that have children that she hangs around with (play dates etc).
I stupidly chose a tiny venue so there is a huge lack of space. I’m pretty sure I can’t even comfortably fit everyone I have invited!
We went small for 2 reasons:

1. last year we invited loads that didn’t turn up
2. I’m 39 weeks pregnant and conscious that I may not make it to the party so didn’t want to spend a bomb and have to cancel at last minute. I haven’t even invited any family! I don’t want to upset them as they have been amazing friends and are great with DD. But I had to draw the line somewhere. AIBU to just invite people with children?

More likely assumptions based on previous year and a wish to keep things simple as she’s heavily pregnant and juggling enough pressures right now!

It also wouldn’t be great for the ongoing friendship you presumably really care about given being that upset in the first place.

You're assuming they still want to continue the friendship at the same level.

I think it would be quite hard to go back to how it was before when you now know you're looked at and treated differently because you don't have children.

Going forward they might be less likely to make allowances for the OP having children. Whereas before this they might have made the effort to only arranged things that worked around her. We don't know how good these friends have been. But we do know they felt it was a close enough relationship for this to hurt them.

I’m not sure one kid’s party indicates that but you’re right it could be how they feel. And also could be that this wasn’t the only instant that they were left feeling this way so feels a bit of a final straw.

No sane adult wants to go an unrelated 3 year old’s birthday party, especially when they don’t have kids! You are over thinking this surely, they will probably be relieved that they don’t have to put in an appearance

This is bizarre, why would two childless adults want to come to a toddler’s birthday party? 🥴

It’s fine, but I have a few friends with five or six year olds. The first few years I was always invited to their birthdays. Then the year they started school, suddenly they had loads of
friends to invite and friends’ parents so I wasn’t invited. I did notice and it hurt for a moment but as soon as I rationalised it and realised the reason for the change it made sense.

They will be pleased not to be invited, trust me on that.

I always invited my best friend who didn't have children, its extra help, she'd help me set up, clear up and I could make her play with the kids while I talked to other parents or had 5 mins! But I see her as my kids auntie, as we see more of her than family

Invite the friends and let them deal with the tears, tantrums and party food ground into every surface, then go and put your feet up on the basis that if you lift a finger you’ll go into labour. They will never ask for an invitation again and my opt to remain child free forever as a result of the experience. If the venue is too small for all of you then you must creat more space by unselfishly going and putting your feet up in a Spa 10 miles away. I can’t think why any other scenario is being considered by you @GirlsAndPenguins.

Good luck with your pregnancy! 💐

Child's first birthday? You invite all your friends regardless of whether they have kids or not. As children get older, the guest list is all about the kids and their friends.

So I was the adult in this scenario recently. All of our friendship group went with their children and I was invited last year. This year I wasn't. Fair enough its a kids party

No problem, but then the mum started hinting about what the DD wanted as a present! I just did a Mrs Brown style 'thats nice' and walked away!

That’s my thinking too. After new baby gifts, we only give presents to our nieces and nephews and any kids parties we’re invited to.

Not RTFT so apologies if I am repeating anything but it depends on the age and party. First birthday parties were more about adults than children so they were predominantly our friends and family and other friends we had made through classes etc.

Second onwards where there tends to be some form of entertainment/activities and party centres around child and their friends (which sounds like the case for this one), we stopped inviting friends without children as it was all centred around the child. We also didn't invite older family members, would usually just have some cake with them at home after the party. There would be a little food for adults that attended with their child but no proper meal or anything else that would interest them

It is your child’s party not yours. You’ve done nothing wrong.

If friends want to celebrate dad's bday just invite them over for cake separately and explain that was the kids party.