Not Inviting my best friends to my daughters party

[GirlsAndPenguins]

Hi, ok so…
I feel bad that I’ve upset my best friends for not inviting them to my DDs birthday party. They don’t have children and I’ve only invited her friends from nursery or friends of mine that have children that she hangs around with (play dates etc).
I stupidly chose a tiny venue so there is a huge lack of space. I’m pretty sure I can’t even comfortably fit everyone I have invited!
We went small for 2 reasons:

1. last year we invited loads that didn’t turn up
2. I’m 39 weeks pregnant and conscious that I may not make it to the party so didn’t want to spend a bomb and have to cancel at last minute. I haven’t even invited any family! I don’t want to upset them as they have been amazing friends and are great with DD. But I had to draw the line somewhere. AIBU to just invite people with children?

DD is turning 3 so adults will be staying.

Children party = children

She is being odd

Yep. Every single time I see you post.

I can see why they're upset if your other friends will be there.

I would just explain it's DD's party with her friends and there's minimal space.

What a ridiculous generalisation. The grandparents, uncles and aunts are always invited to my DGC parties and always enjoy celebrating with them.

Mmmmm... I was going to say YANBU BUT...

If you have a group of friends and you have decided that X and Y have kids so I'll give them an invite but Z doesn't so no invite for them... Then YABU. Because as Z, I would feel 'i don't have kids so I'm squeezed out here'.

Esp for a bday party from 1-3 years where it can be adults as well as kids...

FWIW I have kids, I do invite adults and kids to birthdays. I always give the disclaimer that you absolutely don't have to come so please don't worry but I would never make the decision for somebody that you don't have children so no invite for you. Just feels a bit rude, especially when there's people from the same group of friends going.

It's your party, do what you want but I can see why your friend is upset.

Yes I see your point and others. In hindsight it may have been easier to book a hall or a big venue and invite everyone from family to friends. I just had visions of doing this, spending a fortune and going into labour the morning of the party 🙈.
I booked a soft play in an arcade that has about 5 tables and cost £40 for exclusive hire so I wouldn’t lose a great deal if I did cancel. If there was room to invite everyone I would have done.

Yes there are practical considerations, but you say they have been involved in her life.Childless or child free people often get excluded whilst their gifts and baby sitting is accepted bigtime.Then they get told re parties oh "youd hate it.You are well out of it "etc etc.An older froend of minr...i do not use the word elderly...got invited to her next door neighbours childs party.She has no kids.They are right to be hurt.You are being insensitive but I expect you will justify it by citibg hormones etc.On another tack why don't Mumsnetters spell and punctuate ffs.
...

My punctuation errors were typos 🤣🤣🤣

This is what I thought

Surely for a pre-school birthday party you just invite around 5 kid friends and maybe your parents and it lasts about 2-3 hours tops.

I don’t know anyone that invites adult friends along. 🤷🏻‍♀️

This is why I partly feel bad. So I do understand your point. But if I invited them I would have to invite grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins and possibly DHs friends. These people alone would fill the 5 tables at the venue without inviting a single child.
I am certainly not blaming hormones. More the practicality of possibly going into labour at any moment, so not being able to risk paying for a larger venue, entertainment.

Anyone I know has a kids party and a family celebration separately. Grandparents and family don’t come to the parties for school friends. Ever.

😅

Jeez, I'd be thrilled to not be invited to a child's birthday party!

My initial thoughts were that they were being incredibly immature - ironic, given the event - but you say that you've invited other friends from the same social circle who have children.

I can also understand why, if this social circle normally socialises as a group, the friends who don't have children might feel nudged out.

Realistically though if you're limited in numbers, and your own family aren't even attending, then most people would understand why, if they're not attending with children, they wouldn't be invited. It's a children's birthday party afterall and presumably at 2yo they're old enough to play with other children (and not just want to hang out with a bunch of adults).

I think you need to assess whether this is about them being disappointed because they wanted to celebrate your daughter's birthday, or upset because they've been left out on account of not having children.

its a child’s friend party. The adult chaperones stand around awkwardly wishing time wasn’t moving so slowly and trying not to think about their growing headaches. The children have a wonderful time.

we always held a separate family party for grandparents and aunts and uncles. That one would have been more appropriate to include good adult friends.

Am also rather pregnant so tired and generally yuk, so am.i missing something. An ADULT friend, whether childless or not is grumping because they're not being invited to a soft play party for 3 year old?.....
Do most parents not have to toss a coin or 'rock, paper, scissors' it to decide who has to go?
Unless she's a one who is very into social media and wanted to post lots of pics with birthday girl with things like #thisgirl maybe? 🤨

Goodness I went to lots of my friends kids parties for years before I had a child. I was a valued ‘aunty’ and loved sharing it with them.

I would have invited them, if they’re a part of your child’s life and enjoy celebrating them.

I hope I don’t ever forget how much it can hurt to want children and not have any when everyone around you is.

Certainly don’t try and dismiss them as silly or immature as some unpleasant PPs have suggested. Show some empathy.

I absolutely hate kids birthday parties and since having my baby, I get invited to them quite a lot these days. I go so I don’t deprive my child of some fun, but I wouldn’t mind not being invited at all 😆

You're 39 weeks pregnant. You do whatever is easiest for you!

Not going to lie, I was quite hurt when my friend did this for her daughter's first birthday. I had supported her through PND, helped her organise the party, saw and treated her child like a niece...then wasn't even invited to celebrate her birthday with her because she only invited people with children. That put me in my place I suppose.

I always ask my childless best friends too because they love my kids and buy them gifts and it feels rude not to ask. They know there's no obligation.

You won’t be up for a massive party every year and it’s fine to just have children there. They can come over for a cuppa sometime surely? Don’t apologise or overpromise.