Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Twins boys don't get along

67 replies

mumoftwinboys12 · 11/02/2023 12:06

Heya

I have twin boys that literally do no like each other don't want to be around each other one is so mean fo the other one,

They don't even get. Along for 5 mins its constant.

One has adhd
The other asd and attachment aniexty!

Is there any other mums with multiples that have the same thing I always thought twins are side by side!

Can I also ask not to comment if you going to comment on parenting skills or be negative

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
mumoftwinboys12 · 11/02/2023 12:07

I forgot to say they are 12 they used to get along when they was little actually until covid!

OP posts:
ShippingNews · 11/02/2023 12:08

I don't personally think that twins "should" be close at all, no more than other siblings are. My two have never liked each other since birth, it's just how life works out sometimes.

TiaI · 11/02/2023 12:12

In your shoes I’d spend time alone with each one daily so that they both had their 1:1 mummy fix. lessen any competition for attention

look for shared interests that can create positive experiences together

separate bedrooms

DaveyJonesLocker · 11/02/2023 12:16

My sisters are twins. They hated eachother when they were younger. (And me) they broke eachothers arms and used to fight like you wouldn't believe. They get along great now they've grown up and are very close.

FriedasCarLoad · 11/02/2023 12:18

No advice, but when you're coping with twins who don't get along, I imagine your parenting skills have been honed well beyond most of ours.

Hope others can offer better advice.💐

KangarooKenny · 11/02/2023 12:30

My twin male cousins are not close at all. They have closer friends.

Minfilia · 11/02/2023 12:31

My twins bickered when they were younger and liked to wind each other up when they were tired/in a bad mood, but not all the time and it was never anything serious.

They’re 16 now and very close. They don’t bicker or annoy each other at all anymore and they almost seem to mother each other!

maybe it’s just a passing phase?

Fleabigg · 11/02/2023 12:32

This sounds tough to deal with, hat off to you! The twins I know don’t get along now as adults, and weren’t particularly close as children, I don’t think it’s all that unusual, it must be a very pressurised sibling relationship.

Mabelface · 11/02/2023 12:33

This is the age my triplets started arguing with each other plus irritating the fuck out just because they could. Lasted till latish teens and now as adults they're really close again. They still irritate each other on purpose occasionally. I take the piss and just say "now, now, children". Really normal sibling behaviour.

KangarooKenny · 11/02/2023 12:34

Do they have separate bedrooms, and are in different classes at school ?

bellylaughsalldaylong · 11/02/2023 12:36

Are they identical?

I often wonder if sharing a face with someone can be tiring and a bit annoying. I have a friend who’s an identical twin and she has always done her best to look different since they were forced to be dressed the same when they were little.

they’re not particularly close and she’s felt
the pressure to be close because people think that’s what twins should be.

Hydie · 11/02/2023 12:36

It's likely their age and will come back out of it the other side. Mine hated each other at that age.

Dahliasrule · 11/02/2023 12:38

I am not sure this is just a twin thing. My dc, one DS and one DG with five years between them, got along beautifully with not a cross word between them for five years. When the eldest was 10 they had an argument. It was so unusual that both my DH and I just looked at each other in disbelief. They continued to fall out constantly for the next five years but are now back to liking each other.

Becachvibes · 11/02/2023 12:39

I’m a twin, now early 30s and me and my twin have never got on. We’re just completely different people, nothing really “happened”to make us not like each other - we just don’t. We’re not friends on social media and only communicate if we happen to visit my parents house at the same time which is only every few years as we live in different countries now. My parents have a really good relationship with both of us individually.

MavisMcMinty · 11/02/2023 12:41

I expect it’s all the evil twin’s fault.

RagzRebooted · 11/02/2023 12:44

DH and his twin were like this. Started getting physical when they hit puberty. They're not particularly close now either. They're actually very similar but they won't admit it!

Original poster
mumoftwinboys12 · 11/02/2023 12:46

Thank you so much,

So there 12 year old boys,

I do spend separate times with other them but now there older don't really want mum hanging around lol..

They are at the same school but separate lessons
And always have been which I think I shouldn't of done and that's why they don't get along I just thought it was a good idea to have them separate for identity etc! Nope I feel bad!

The literally irritated each other, walk passed push or say comments they can't be in the same room with out the other starting!! Or eating wrong

They even argue over the way the other one breathes!

I feel a little better hearing your stories as I always thought twins were inseparable! And see other post and think why are mine like this what have I done

OP posts:
Original poster
mumoftwinboys12 · 11/02/2023 12:47

Yes sorry they are identical

OP posts:
MavisMcMinty · 11/02/2023 12:51

Tell them if they don’t have an empathetic connection with each other they’ll never be able to do the twin telepathy thing, and what a terrible waste that would be.

Luredbyapomegranate · 11/02/2023 12:54

I think this is totally normal. They might get close again as they get older, or they might not.

Separate rooms, classes, birthday treats will help if you can swing it. Don’t double up on wardrobe. Different hair cuts v important. Different 6th forms would be good.

Be firm about being civil as you would with any siblings. But with a bit of sympathy for the fact it can be tough to share a face

Parisj · 11/02/2023 12:57

Is it a twin thing or are they just hitting adolescence? The task of adolescence is to establish an identity seperate from your parents, so I guess for twins it could also mean establishing an identity seperate from twin...careful what you wish for OP, if they are not fighting with each other they might argue with you more!

MargaretThursday · 11/02/2023 13:00

I had twins in my form that didn't really get along brilliantly. They'd tell tales on what the other was doing at home and things like that.
I think one of the problems was that one was very very much more academic and was also very good at art, and although the other was sporty, he was only a little bit better. So there was probably jealousy there.

Glittertwins · 11/02/2023 13:04

It's difficult enough with twins with everybody assuming they are the one being, I had that with B/G. It must be even harder for identicals when they want to forge their own identity as well.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 11/02/2023 13:07

It’s very much assumed identical twins will love each other. Mine are 11 and actually have just realised they’re friends. Up until now they never classed themselves as friends and saw the other as an annoyance.

i think it’s right you’ve not forced yours together as that can make it worse. Let them be individuals and encourage them to see each other as such. Do they have separate bedrooms? I have a tidy one and a messy one (she’s so so messy it’s like an art).

i think it can feel like you’re failing as everyone expects them to be best friends but you’re doing fine. They are 2 different people!

Original poster
mumoftwinboys12 · 11/02/2023 13:16

They have different clothes
They chose to have the same hair but one wears gel the other one doesn't,

I've never dressed them the same.. on is very hyper the other is very impatient but very particular,

One has a girlfriend the other just says she's has a big bum but I said there older sister I think deep down he's a little jealous cause that's his brother!

But they have separate friends,

They call each other embarrassing! Oh it goes on and on

Like we're all saying we imagine or think twins should be together but they are there own person,

Maybe it is there age, this is why I wanted to start this group as I suffer with anxiety as it is and I'm like omg these are the only twins that don't get on they don't want to hang around with each other they don't play computer they'd rather be horrible!

One gets annoyed as at school the teachers get them mixed up!

Then I think is it because I never tought them to share they always had to of everything!

You know when it goes over an over in your head!

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread