Twins boys don't get along

[mumoftwinboys12]

Heya

I have twin boys that literally do no like each other don't want to be around each other one is so mean fo the other one,

They don't even get. Along for 5 mins its constant.

One has adhd
The other asd and attachment aniexty!

Is there any other mums with multiples that have the same thing I always thought twins are side by side!

Can I also ask not to comment if you going to comment on parenting skills or be negative

Thank you

@NeedAHoliday2021 thank you it does feel like I'm failing..

We have also been through a lot in the last year, loving house that we lived in for 11 years
Losing 2 grandparents in the space of 3 weeks 4 myhs ago,
Losing another on January
Starting secondary school.
There sister has come out gay bless her so it could be a lot of things!
DV

And obvs now nearly teenagers!

But like I said they've hardly never got on! There just so different

People say how are you twins identical but so different even family the schools say we've seen loads of twins and they wouldn't be without each other!

A friend of mine who is a twin seems to believe that in sets of twins there's always one twin that is happy to be a twin, but one twin who wishes they weren't a twin.

Hi twin mum of identical boys here. Mine have got on until about 12 and it's not that they argue but they're developing more indivuality which means they don't always see eye to eye. In conclusion I think it's just the age so don't worry x

@mumoftwinboys12 dtd1 is actually closer to dd1 despite the 3.5 year age difference. Think of them as siblings rather than twins and encourage them to celebrate those differences.

we have rules that in friendship fall outs they don’t stir, don’t reveal personal secrets and are kind to each other if one is struggling. They don’t have to be best friends but I expect kindness even if one is irritating the other. It’s not easy though.

@Circumferences yes one of mine said he wishes he was born alone!

The other said he doesn't like having a younger brother 🙄😂 your the same age mate!

I'm so glad I've made this group as I think a lot of us are in the same boat

Thank you so much for supporting and not judging!

I also don't refer to them as twins there the boys!

And the school call them twins, or everyone else, family call them
The boys I feel I've done wrong there aswelll!

God parent hard is so hard and feel your failing constant

Lots of siblings don't get along. Even if they were born on the same day .

Non-identical twins are just as different and individual as brothers born years apart.

I didn't get on with my twin sister until we were 19. Up to then it was separate friends and separate classrooms.

@user1471517095

So as a twin you think I done the right thing separating them and have the own identity I thought that's why they literally hate each other! I thought I done wrong
So 5 years to go and they may get along lol

Relax, you have done the right thing separating them at school. I sent mine to different schools at 11, worked well.

Twin relationships are so much more difficult than other sibling relationships, there is no age, size hierarchy. They have to put a lot more effort in. Sometimes they are inseparable, which is often bad for future relationships especially romantic ones. Sometimes they are just same age siblings who go through phases of not being that close. You would not worry about your 14yoDC thinking that your 9yoDC was embarrassing.

We once had twin2 give a punishment for something twin1 did at school. Twin2 was not at school that day. Can you imagine the frustration things like this lead to.

So as a twin you think I done the right thing separating them and have the own identity I thought that's why they literally hate each other! I thought I done wrong.
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Yes, I personally think you've done the right thing. My twin and I are identical, we have a lot of similarities but we are different people with different personalities.
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Sorry, don't know what happened there!

I went to school with non-identical twin brothers who HATED each other. One was handsome, funny and clever (but a bit cruel) and was the apple of his mum’s eye. The other was not handsome and had some learning problems. He broke a chair over his brother’s head when we were in the classroom aged 10! I think the parents’ attitude had a lot to do with it and as it was a small school they couldn’t escape each other. I do wonder if they ever got along.

Like some siblings, some twins simply don't like each other. I know twins (now age 17) who get along so badly that police have been involved more than once, and it's got to the point that SS has now insisted that one of them has to live with another relative is a different house! They still go to the same school but don't speak to each other...

Hopefully yours will never reach that point (it's pretty extreme) and will grow closer when they're a little bit older.

@AdventFridgeOfShame

I always think that my 16 year old doesn't want them to be with her same with them,

I had that with the school they punished twin1 and it was twin2

The boys are finding it hard as one will see a teacher and the twin 2 will see them and the teacher will shout I've just seen you and told you blah blah! And then twin 2 will get annoyed and angry that they haven't. It must be so hard for them.

@user1471517095 thank you 😊

I do treat them both the same on of them twin1 will get my attention more as he's full on (adhd) he talks a lot constantly following me or his sister and talking.. where as twin2 is quite quite and rather be on his own! So I make sure I have time with him and can't even tho he doesn't want to

@Gumbo @Outwiththenorm

Yes there can be days where they really hurt each other and I had the safeguarding officer call me once!

It's more name calling twin2 will hit twin1 sometimes just to annoy him sometimes to hurt him!

Also what would you all do for punishments when they do have there differences or violence!

It is whether twins or different ages there is always sibling rivalry isn't there!

I jsut question everything

I’m a twin and didn’t get on with my sister until we were adults. We were just too different as children.

How sad

Do you call them the twins and have you treated them as one entity rather than individuals, no offence, just wondering.

Sorry opened mouth before I engaged my brain!

I don't have twins but a friend of mine was a twin and he said he didn't get along with his brother either. He said it only got better once they went to different schools so that they could have separate lives as they're together 24/7. Might be something to think about for you.

@Daffodilis
nope I've always called them boys the boys are coming or I'm bringing the boys

School calls them the twins, and friends of there's

@YerAWizardHarry

Hopefully they will in time then.

It's hard when family or friends say your twins you shouldn't be doing that you should be close and you shouldn't fight

But when your look at the bigger picture I used to fight with my brother

My dad used to fight with his sister 1 year apart

I didn't get along with my sister. We aren't twins but are 1 school year apart. I loathed being referred to as 'the girls'.
I think ghetes an expectation that siblings especially twins will be close but why?
If you think about it logically, if I replaced your husband with your brother in law would you 'get along' just fine. You've chosen your husband but they've not chosen each other.
It's interesting though that you mention Covid, presumably you're thinking lockdown. We've all spent a weekend with someone and decided we didn't like them as much as we did last Wednesday! They're also at an age where hormones are kicking in
Essentially what I'm saying is what you're experiencing isn't unusual. Being twins ups expectations so let that go. Allow them to be the individuals they are....just 2 squabbling siblings who probably care for each other very much. Only 6 more years to go!

We've never referred to them as the twins although some family members tried to until they were repeatedly requested (then told) not to. They look alike as in siblings but nothing else at all. They're no longer sharing any classes at school which helps and even teachers who have taught them both didn't even realise they were twins.