Kid won’t eat

[toddlercoaster]

DD1 is 4yr old. She has always been a picky eater. She hates fruit, the only fruit she has is banana. She’s a bit better with vegetables though she hates a few veggies like beans and sweet potatoes! Rest she has a good diet (loves eggs, milk, fish, chicken) but it all depends on me and my DH who has to give up atleast an hour to spend by her side and keep singing “eat eat eat eat”. She’s in 25th percentile for weight and 50th for height. Few days ago I came across an article on ARFID. I’m now sick with worry of what if this picky eating continues? AIBU as I cannot take of ARFID off my mind and am becoming obsessed with her diet (trying to sneak in fruit in her diet somehow). She’s down with cough and cold at the moment and is off food. How do i make her eat fruit? She loves fruit juice though, the one i get from Tesco. I’m sick with worry and DH says I’m overreacting and that kids do overcome picky eating with time. Advice plzzz

I used to be quite precious and insist I cook one meal for everyone and we all eat the same thing because "I'm not a hotel" etc.

Well. After battling endlessly with a picky child who can you believe doesn't like potatoes. Refuses potatoes of any sort. Chip form, mashed, roasted, baked, anything. Also doesn't like a whole host of other meals like lasagne or cauliflower cheese. He's 8 by the way.

I threw my hands up in the end, now it's "what do you want to eat?" He'll say "cheese on toast" or whatever. I now make him his cheese on toast and everyone else enjoys and shares a delicious macaroni cheese. Life is so much easier.

It sounds like you have the issue not her

it all depends on me and my DH who has to give up atleast an hour to spend by her side and keep singing “eat eat eat eat”.

You and DH are creating the problem. Stop doing that. Put her food in front of her; everybody else eat their dinner chatting normally. If she eats nothing say nothing. If she eats, say nothing. At the end of the meal clear the empty/full plates without comment. Don't offer snacks between meals.

I speak from experience; I was that child.The queen of picky and food refusal, the prima donna of intense daily table drama as my mother begged and implored and my father roared . I kept it up for 8 years until a beloved aunt took me to her home in the school hols and rescued me from that dynamic. (as above) .There was no table drama to be had in that large, busy, hungry household so within a couple of days I just tucked in and never looked back.

Take a look at SR Nutrition insta, she has lots on picky eating.
You need to back off on all the pressure, I know it's hard. Just have a family meal and chat about anything and everything except the food.

As others have said, involve her in cooking, could you put fruit in things like Berry pancakes, smoothies, serve it on kebab sticks with cheese or yoghurt to dip? If she eats veg she will be getting enough nutrients.

I’d stop the eat eat thing too.

It's fine! I like orange juice. I don't like oranges
Loads of people I know like banana flavoured things but not actually banana
Just put the food down, have a normal conversation between you all, and that's it
It's your job to offer the food and hers to eat

If I stop chanting “eat eat” she refuses to eat though hungry and just watches TV until i start begging her to eat!!! She takes a bite and tucks it in her cheek till i ask her to chew it. Being a mom is so frustrating sometimes!

Yes! Your experience reminds me of dinner at a friend’s house when I was a child. I was a little picky. My friend had seven siblings and when the food was placed on the table, they swooped on it like a pack of hungry hounds. I went home hungry the first time because I hesitated and wasn’t fast enough. Never again! 😂

Explain the main food groups - at 4 she's old enough to learn that: carbs give you energy; fruit and veg keep you healthy and clever, protein makes your bones and muscles grow. So you have to choose something from each food group at every meal, and have at least 5 fruit and veg a day.

Let her control what she chooses. I just got into the habit of putting peeled chunks of cucumber, iceberg, petit pois, sweetcorn etc into little ramekins ranged around her plate and told her to help herself.

Sneak extra veg into things like pasta sauce by pureeing roasted courgettes, red peppers and red onions and adding them to passata.

You can sneak extra fruit and even veg into cakes - make carrot and apple cake - even add beetroot or courgette to chocolate brownies (pureed). There are recipes online.

Take away all attention. Just explain the food groups. Put out little plates. Let her help herself. Chat a bit about it - like what will you choose to give you energy? What will you choose to keep you well and clever? Good choice! or That sounds tasty! etc then leave her to it.

Turn the TV off?

Don't eat in front of the TV. Eat together at the table, no fuss, no other distractions.

So what happens if you don’t let her watch TV? OP she is fully taking advantage of your anxiety around food I think.

Stop the negotiations, stop chanting eat at her, and don’t let her watch TV around mealtimes!

Treat her like a grownup! Eat together, normal conversation about your day, if she doesn't eat then it's fine
Make it all more relaxed

Have you tried cooked fruit? Mine weren't keen on apples or pears raw but I used to bake them with a little margarine and cinammon in the oven and they couldn't get enough.

Sounds good! Her centiles are good. Presumably you would have mentioned if she wasn’t growing or learning or sleeping. Try and remain calm and it will resolve itself, most likely.

Tbh if you’re chanting ‘eat eat’ it sounds a tad like you’re getting her to eat to please you. Which is that last thing you want really. Chill out!!

Honestly, her diet sounds great and not at all picky. Most kids have some foods they don’t like. Don’t force her to eat. Present her with something you know she likes, alongside anything more tricky or new. Let her eat whatever she likes from that. Your job is to provide a balanced, healthy diet. Her job is to eat what she likes from what has been offered. If she is dropping down the centiles, start adding higher calorie foods (cream, butter, cheese etc.) more regularly.

DS has ARFID (and is considerably underweight). The list of foods he eats is less than 10. Getting him to eat anything that isn’t sugar (still only from his ‘safe’ list) is really hard work. You’re a long way off that.

Also, don’t let her watch tv whilst she eats if you can help it. It‘a likely too distracting for her.

Also remember, when it comes to food:

parents decide what, where and when.
kids decide if and how much.

Once she’s over this cold and back to eating just give her what she normally eats and put other foods on your plate or a separate plate/bowl on the table. Like pasta and salad, fe. Let her choose from that if she wants to. Try not to be stressed during the meal time.

You need to stop letting your anxiety take over . Food on table, she eats or she doesn't no chanting , begging her to eat .
Let her make fruit smoothies instead of having baby pouches.

She sounds like a totally normal four year old.

You really need to stop all this worrying, coercing and chanting. All it's doing is making her stressed.

Meals should be at the table as a family. No TV or other distractions. Set a timer for 30 minutes and give her a small amount of each food on her plate - ideally in individual portions so that she can try everything separately.

Then just let her eat. Talk about her day, what she did at nursery or school, what you'll be doing at the weekend, what book she wants to read before bed. Take the pressure off of the actual food and make mealtimes a social occasion.

Re. the fruit thing - lots of children don't like fruit as it's unpredictable in a way that other food isn't. Take apples for example - sometimes they're hard and crispy, sometimes they're mushier. Sometimes they're sweet, sometimes they're a bit sour. The texture and taste is always slightly different and that can be really disconcerting. Even as an adult I struggle with fruit sometimes if it's a bit mushy in texture!

This is about consistency. Fruit pouches and juice taste the same every time. Fresh fruit doesn't. One grape is tasty, another is sour, another is too sweet.

Try meal times without TV. 20 mins then finish. Offer a variety of food e.g. meat, rice, veg and let her choose what she does and doesn't eat. Put any new or unpopular foods separately so they don't 'contaminate' what she liked.

I tried the innocent fruit smoothies but she didn’t like it. So switched to the normal juice from tesco. She loves it. Petit filous is her favourite, pancakes, eggs and milk are her staple. Chicken, fish and meat are also liked.

That's an excellent and varied diet for a 4yo.