Kid won’t eat

[toddlercoaster]

DD1 is 4yr old. She has always been a picky eater. She hates fruit, the only fruit she has is banana. She’s a bit better with vegetables though she hates a few veggies like beans and sweet potatoes! Rest she has a good diet (loves eggs, milk, fish, chicken) but it all depends on me and my DH who has to give up atleast an hour to spend by her side and keep singing “eat eat eat eat”. She’s in 25th percentile for weight and 50th for height. Few days ago I came across an article on ARFID. I’m now sick with worry of what if this picky eating continues? AIBU as I cannot take of ARFID off my mind and am becoming obsessed with her diet (trying to sneak in fruit in her diet somehow). She’s down with cough and cold at the moment and is off food. How do i make her eat fruit? She loves fruit juice though, the one i get from Tesco. I’m sick with worry and DH says I’m overreacting and that kids do overcome picky eating with time. Advice plzzz

One of my twins was like this. Seven now and she eats fine. She still has a small appetite but likes protein and can demolish lamb chops or salmon. On the slender side but within normal weights etc. so many dc are chunkier we lose sight of healthy normal weight tbh.

What you're doing is just making it worse by putting so much attention in it.

Leave some things that won't spoil out in reach for her to graze on.
That'll break the habit you've created.

When you sit down for a meal just serve it and everyone start eating. Keep doing it every meal until sitting down to eat is non event.

This! I have ARFID too.

I don't eat much fruit but I love vegetable. I seem to have managed to reach the age of 60 and am still healthy. Don't force fruit on her if she hates it. She will get the same nutrients from veg.

She drinks apple juice from supermarket but hates real apples!

Thats perfectly normal, I have one who only likes raw carrots not cooked ones. I have another who likes, meat, carrots, onions, swede, potatoes but bloody hates stew.

Also look at the portions you're giving her.

Give her one teaspoon of each thing to start with.

1/4 slice of toast, 1 sliced strawberry

1 apple slice, 1/4 cup of cereal.

Start to water down fruit juice as it's mostly sugar.

Going to be cruel to (hopefully) be kind here but it sounds like the problem is you. Your daughter actually eats a good range of foods. Your anxiety about it is the issue.
I have an autistic kid who lived on Liga baby biscuits, fish fingers and one flavour of innocent fruit smoothies for a year. Literally that is all he ate. He is fine.
Give up worrying about it. Put food in front of her, sit at table to eat with her, NO COMMENT at all about her eating (no positive, no negative), talk about other things, when you and husband finish eating say breezily "ok, dinner times over, lets put our plates in the dishwasher and go and play".
That was our advice from my sons dietitian. Alongside that he had fish fingers, a smoothie at every dinner plus a small piece of something else we wanted him to eat e.g. cheese. We made no reference to the new food, no comment. It took a year but he now has a more varied (though still more limited than your daughters) diet.
Stop conveying your anxiety to her and it will be fine.

I’d recommend a book called ‘my child won’t eat’ by a Spanish paediatrician. I read it years ago but basically he is saying that children need far less food than we think and just to chill out. And that most ‘fussy’ kids do eat an adequate selection of all the food groups, even
if limited. I agree with others that crying and pleading needs to stop. Don’t beat yourself up but just accept that’s not a good approach and work on an attitude if indifference about it all.

She doesn't sound very picky to me, she's eating a wide range at 4 years old. But you're begging and anxiety needs to stop! Put a meal down in front of her at meal times with the rest of you. When she doesn't eat it she will most certainly be hungry for the next meal. She will learn that Mums begging has gone away she will eat if she's hungry to eat it.

The worst thing you can do is try to make her eat. Just offer her foods she likes alongside foods she doesn't like and let her eat what she wants. ARFID is rather extreme, it sounds like she has a varied diet so I don't think ARFID is an issue.

Will she eat dried fruit, chocolate or yogurt coated even. You could make trail mixes that have fruit and covered fruit and chocolate and nuts or pretzels in. I've never actually had trail mix but I think that's what it is.

but it all depends on me and my DH who has to give up atleast an hour to spend by her side and keep singing “eat eat eat eat”.

Stop doing this! My mother did this to me for most of my childhood. Even to this day, I panic internally in restaurants or at other peoples places if the portion is big or uas somethingI dont like. I feel guilt at not liking certain foods or being afraid to say no to food..

I always got full after a few bites as a kid and nobody would believe me(I'm 100% still like this now , I eat tiny amounts) I was forced to eat at times. It was sickening.

I dont know a single small child who skipped a few meals and just died or got immediately, dangerously sick.

She will eat when shes hungry but you're frustrating everybody by sitting over her trying to force her to eat. You're probably doing more damage making it such a huge thing.

Tbh it sounds like you and dh are 'feeding' into this. Put meal down, say enjoy your dinner, then ignore and eat your own dinner. She's getting a lot of attention out of not eating.

Your anxiety around meal times will be clear to her.

Could you eat properly having someone hover over you anxiously?

Im sure you think your anxiety on the subject doesn't show to your child...but you know they pick up on it.
Just stop. If she refuses food, take the plate away when you're done eating and resume normal activities. She will not die.

My daughter is a young adult now but was always between 2% - 7 % and is now a size 6 5’ 7”

Doctors were not worried and actually she eats most things, just eats small but often.

She's not a picky eater.

You're a seriously over anxious feeder.

She doesn't HAVE to eat fruit - there's exactly the same vitamins and nutrients in veg.

Just take the pressure off and she probably won't eat much for a few days whilst she waits for all that lovely attention and fuss that you've made normal.

But once she realises that's not happening anymore she'll start to eat of her own choosing.

There's nothing serious / diagnosable happening here at all. Apart from maybe your anxiety.

100% agree with this. She sounds completely normal.

You're creating her issues around food with your anxiety over it. Put a plate of food down in front of her and sit down with yours. Interact with her normally but without referring to the food at all. After a reasonable amount of time check she's finished and remove the plate. Don't let her eat anything else until the next meal except fruit or some raw vegetables.

I’m late 30’s , eat any kind of vegetables as many as I can a day , fish , loads of seeds , nuts. I really don’t eat much fruit , I find a lot of fruit sickly sweet . I’m very fit , size 6 and I’m rarely ill. However I think not getting ill is down to luck mainly tbh as anyone I know who’s got cancer are super healthy , v healthy diets, fit etc etc , just shit luck.
One of my dcs will eat any veg, fish , garlic, , raw veg etc but hates, hates fruit . I can’t force feed him . And he has every right not to like something 🤷🏻‍♀️ I know it is stressful when you see other kids love apples and strawberries etc, my other children, particularly one, has about 10 different types of fruit a day , all brought up the same , we eat as a family . If she’s getting enough nutrients, has energy , some natural fruit juice , maybe smoothies I wouldn’t worry a bit op.

One of my DC won't touch any fruit or any vegetables, they actually heave just touching it. I give vitamins, pouches and smoothies and hope for the best. They are still growing okay and the Dr doesn't seem worried.

I don't make a fuss, I offer different foods but don't insist. Don't let your anxiety take over as that'll make it much worse. My ex was like this and it really made DC more anxious around food, to the point that when he insisted DC ate a vegetable they vomited all over the table.

The range of foods she will eat sounds normal for a four year old and she will get nutrients from those. Fruit isn’t a necessary food, but if you want to up her intake, don’t forget dried fruit such as raisins, sultanas, dried apricots or dates. They can be combined into smoothies or energy balls too. I thought the smoothie making idea upthread was a good one.

That doesn’t sound like ARFID at all. She just sounds like many other children her age.

Agree too

It doesn’t sound like she has ARFID, because she DOES eat a wide range of things, but only when you beg and plead with her, and I would imagine she’s now using this as a bit of a control mechanism.

I mean this kindly, but you need to back off. She does NOT need to eat fruit. Vegetables are fine.

Serve small amounts of food, and have general conversation, eat together including the 9
month old if possible, and just don’t engage in begging and pleading. If she’s not well, do not force her to eat!

The thing is she doesn’t really like vegetables but doesn’t hate them like she hates fruit. She eats veggies when i do mix them in rice and noodles she doesn’t fuss much. But fruits are a big NO. Veggies are not best friends but okie dokie.

Not many kids would pick veg as their favourite food.