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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask what to about friend who I've let move in.

109 replies

LG123 · 11/02/2023 04:56

So I've let my friend move in as she needed somewhere, no rent just contribute to gas etc as she's off sick recovering from pneumonia.
On occasion help out with my daughter (who loves her).

She watched her for an hour Tuesday while I had a work meeting and half hour or so today for my midwife appointment.

Tonight, she offered to watch her so I could nip out while my 4yo sleeps. She turns up late so I cancel plans, fine whatever not important. Although if she'd just told me she'd rather go out I'd have asked my mum to watch her. Then she goes off to the pub turns up drunk practically kicking my door down at 2am (it startled me and I was on my own in the house with my little girl), mind you she has a key. I'm 17 weeks pregnant and exhausted and she woke up, passed out on my living room floor then crawled her way upstairs, took shoes off and rolled over me in my bed and is currently led on the bed fully clothed, coat and all snoring like a fucking freight train. I've not been able to get a wink of sleep, I have plans tomorrow. I'm fuming. It isn't the first time this week she's let down either, she was supposed to watch my daughter whilst I went for a scan as my trust does not allow children she text me at the 3pm 20 mins before my appointment and said sorry I was playing Amoung Us (mobile game) and lost track of time, she managed to get to the hospital 15mins after my appointment and me stalling. You can seriously tell she has no responsibilities and just doesn't give a shit about much. When she offers to watch my daughter and lets me down last minute so I can organise anything else is just annoying, my mum isn't quite local, she's half hour drive away.

I've let her move in with her kittens who are all over the shop, knocking things off furniture and toys all over my daughter's bedroom. We don't have pets so it changes our lifestyle somewhat.

What do I do? I'm not sure I have the heart to kick her out.

OP posts:
CopperMaran · 11/02/2023 08:42

Mariposa26 · 11/02/2023 06:58

Totally agree, complete scaremongering. Cats also catch it from eating infected prey which little kittens are unlikely to be doing.

Show quote history

I totally agree too.

So long as people aren’t eating their cats’ poo and using basic hygiene the risk is negligible. If their hygiene is not good enough, chances are they’ve already had it . Even if never had their own cats from their own contact with soil or eating unwashed fruit and veg.

Hoppinggreen · 11/02/2023 08:43

Your choices are put up with her crap or kick her out.

WonderingWanda · 11/02/2023 08:46

It's not confrontation to set some ground rules. If she reacts badly it's her that is the problem not you. I can't see this open ended freebe arrangement ending well, she's ready taking advantage and proving how irresponsible she is. It might be better to draw it to a close now. "Friend, it's great to see that you are feeling so much better and out enjoying yourself. What are your plans for moving out? Whilst it's been great to have you here it is quite crowded and to be honest I don't really appreciate being kept awake by you drunk and snoring in my bed"

Original poster
LG123 · 11/02/2023 08:50

CosyBobbleHat · 11/02/2023 06:55

I see it that you thought she could stay at yours and give you free babysitting, and now she's letting you down, you want her gone???

Absolutely not. She goes out most evenings, I couldn't give a shit what sne does but kicking on my door at 2 am drunk and keeping me awake all night while pregnant isn't on. If she didn't want to do it I'd have alternative childcare but instead she just turns up late.

OP posts:
blippyissilly · 11/02/2023 08:53

Sounds like you've invited a fanny lodger in to your home

Charlieiscool · 11/02/2023 08:56

You don’t want confrontation so just carry on then. Let her do what she likes in your home and you keep smiling and then moaning behind her back. What happens is entirely up to you and maybe at some point you will have had enough, the friendship will be over and you might do something about it. Honestly you are being ridiculous. You are an adult and a parent. Grow up.

converseandjeans · 11/02/2023 09:09

I think that she is well enough to sort herself out now. She's obviously recovered if she can go out.

There's a reason why she has nowhere to go - I imagine she has behaved like this in other houses.

Is she sharing your room? I think you need to say you want to get house ready for baby & that you need sleep. Where is DH? Can you blame him if you don't want confrontation?

BurbageBrook · 11/02/2023 09:10

Kick her out, it's not good enough.

Xol · 11/02/2023 09:12

After last night, you have every right to kick her out. She's obviously no longer recovering from pneumonia so shouldn't need your help.

Tell her it's time to find somewhere else, with immediate effect.

Xol · 11/02/2023 09:15

You agreed she could stay till she's on her feet. She obviously is on her feet now. Sit down with her and point that out and tell her she needs to make other arrangements.

AlisonDonut · 11/02/2023 09:18

You need to start goign round this morning and picking up all her stuff and popping it into bags, to leave by the door. When she gets up if she isn't already, you need to sit her down and tell her that her behaviour is unacceptable and she needs to leave.

If she can go out all the time on a bender she can go and get herself a bedsit.

MrNook · 11/02/2023 09:35

If she goes out most evenings she's definitely well and back on her feet, time to go!

BatshitBanshee · 11/02/2023 09:49

If she's well enough to get bladdered and go out every evening she's well enough to go. Seriously OP, buck up. This isn't healthy for you or your daughter. When she gets up just say friend this isn't working, need you to get going - we had an agreement and seems like you've recovered. I need my space back and being woken up by your banging and shouting at 2am drunk is not ok - nor is it ok to keep me up snoring and then rolling over me. Door is that way.

She's not a friend. And she doesn't give a fuck about you. Late for minding your child because she was playing a fucking video game - is she 12?!

Natty13 · 11/02/2023 09:52

LG123 · 11/02/2023 05:45

@Itisbetter I've always been a bit of people pleaser, hate confrontation etc. Think it comes from when I was a kid, in my dad's eyes I couldn't do right from wrong. I've always been walked all over.. just one of those people.

And what a lovely positive roleodel you will be for your daughter and her sibling.

Raising the next generation of doormats 👌🏼

BusyMum47 · 11/02/2023 10:06

Pippa12 · 11/02/2023 05:04

Find the heart to kick her out. She must be recovered if she’s well enough to get trollied at the pub!

This! ⬆️ She's taking the piss, big time! Kick her out & if you lose her as a friend because of it, so be it - what is she bringing to the friendship anyway? She clearly doesn't respect you AT ALL! Ditch her ass.

MavisFlump · 11/02/2023 10:11

LG123 · 11/02/2023 05:46

@Blondewithredlips what do you mean? She came here because she had to leave her last place and had nowhere else.

Why? Because all her friends knew what she was like?

Cheeseandlobster · 11/02/2023 10:17

Natty13 · 11/02/2023 09:52

And what a lovely positive roleodel you will be for your daughter and her sibling.

Raising the next generation of doormats 👌🏼

Show quote history

Yeah and there are also keyboard warriors with no diplomacy skills. The op is aware she needs to work on this and where this stems from. You putting the boot in in that way is not helpful.

Op I was never told to stand up for myself as a child either. Similar set up to you with meek people pleasing parents out of the home and utter wankers inside the home. I learnt if I don't stand up for myself then noone else will do it for me.

When I had my ds in my early twenties I was in your exact situation. I was heavily pregnant, working 7 days a week and had allowed a friend to move in rent free who just took the piss. I still resent her for what she put me though now and my ds is 21. I could write a book about this friend and we fell out majorly after another incident. I went very low contact with her and we are now distant Facebook friends.

For you and your daughters sake ask her to leave. Give her a week and tell her she needs to find somewhere else. Is she working?

2bazookas · 11/02/2023 10:22

Move the CF straight back OUT., today.

She an unreliable drunk so should never, ever be left in charge of your child.

BMW6 · 11/02/2023 10:31

You owe it to your child to put her well-being first OP.

Your "friend" is out of control and could harm your child when pissed up. She's an irresponsible twat who is absolutely taking you for a ride.

Stop being such a pushover for your children's sake if not your own.

beamout · 11/02/2023 10:39

Tell her to go. This is not complicated.

yellowhedges · 11/02/2023 10:41

I think the answer to this is to nip it in the bud now, whilst you have good reasons for her to leave.
No need to be confrontational or unpleasant, just say how you feel and you think your lifestyle choices at the moment are worlds apart.
If she's a friend she will understand and move.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 11/02/2023 10:43

OP from your posts you live in a 2 bedroom property so she’s sharing a bedroom with you and I assume as you haven’t mentioned them that the DF of your 4 year old and your unborn baby aren’t on the scene

You clearly can’t live like this and she needs to go. There is also no way of telling her this without some level of confrontation. She isn’t going to somehow divine what you want by telepathy & from the sound of it, she’s a massive CF and won’t go of her own accord

treat the conversation with her as if it’s a given she’s leaving. It’s not if but when

”ok mate obviously I was happy to help out briefly but you know we only have 2 bedrooms and you can’t stay here. Which estate agents have you been too about renting? Where have you looked on line?”

uncomfortablydumb53 · 11/02/2023 14:18

Let her behaviour last night be the last straw and tell her to leave
You do not have to justify yourself and she uses you precisely because she knows you are a soft touch
Set an example to DD and claim your home back
She's not even paying you rent and she's obviously over her pneumonia
and acting like a teenager

1FootInTheRave · 11/02/2023 14:21

How about prioritising your kids?

Scooby5kids · 11/02/2023 14:27

Oh boy, tricky one. I don't think there is going to be any way of doing this without causing bad feeling in the friendship. I think you are just going to have to politely sit her down and say that after last night you don't think this is going to work out and please could she find an alternative place to stay. Wish you lots of luck 😬