To tell him how upset I am?

[squashedalmondcroissant]

Dp and I have been talking recently about going on holiday later this year, it's been tricky trying to decide when & where - due to the nature of both of our industries summer is a very busy time so it has to be after that.

We finally decided on when and what we were going to do and started planning a trip I've always wanted to do. Nothing fancy or expensive (just camping) but we worked out a schedule and started planning dates, campsites etc. I was getting really excited about it and finally put in my holiday request after much to-ing and fro-ing with Dp as the dates we had initially planned were already taken by his colleagues.

Now he's told me that we can't go as his parents are away and we'll have no one to look after DDog. Due to the nature of our planned trip we can't take DDog with us so this has meant the trip can't go ahead. There are no other dates available to go instead.

I'm really pissed off. Really upset and disappointed. I know it isn't his fault but surely he should have checked the dates his parents were available before suggesting it to me? Otherwise what was the point of all of this? He's now saying we should keep the time off but just not go away anywhere but this pisses me off even more. Yes, we'll still get the time off together but I don't want to spend 2 weeks of my precious holiday time sitting at home in the same place I am all the other days of the year. For various reasons we did basically this same thing last year and it felt like such a waste. We did a few little days out walking but didn't really go more than 20 miles from home.

Life isn't exactly thrilling right now, I need something to look forward to. This holiday was it and now it's gone.

I know it isn't his fault and complaining about it won't change anything but I'm struggling to not let it show. Aibu to let him know how upset I am or should I just let it go and try to make the best of it?

YANBU., poor planning from his part.

Is there no one else who could have the dog?

Or go away with a friend or relative.

Don’t sit at home with him for 2 weeks, you will resent him.

I’m sure you’ve already thought of this but is there a kennels, private kennels or friend who can have dog?

I don't think you're unreasonable at all OP and I'd feel the same. Is there no reason alternatives can't be found for the dog? A kennels or dog sitter or even a friend/colleague you trust?

Part of having a dog is ensuring care plans are in place for holidays but at the same time having one shouldn't be a showstopper due to the number of options available.

Surely there are other holidays where you can take your dog?

If there's no kennels or alternative dogsitting options, could you look for a pet-friendly hotel or cottage instead?

Our ddog loves camping. What about ddoggy day care near your site if you have a day out planned ddog can't go?

Do you have anyone that could house sit for you ? We had our friends 18 year old dd last month paid her £15 a day she looked after the dog & cat and enjoyed her independence

How about you take part of the time to go away and leave him with the dog? You could stay with old friends, do a solo trip somewhere. Just get away, have a change.

Try trustedhousesitters for someone to come and take care of the dog.

He's quite a nervous dog and although he is lovely he gets really upset and anxious when he's out of his usual routine or in an unfamiliar place. Dp stayed over at his sister's for one night at Christmas and he said he didn't get any sleep because DDog was whining and pacing all night. And this was people and a place he knows! I don't think he'd do well in a kennel and I'm pretty sure DP wouldn't consider it anyway for those reasons.

There really isn't anyone else who can have him unfortunately, all our friends/colleagues/relatives either have young children and busy lives, dogs of their own or live on the other side of the country.

@picklemewalnuts I think if we can't work something out I may suggest this. I don't really want to go on holiday without DP but at the same time I can't just sit at home for 2 weeks either. I'd rather cancel the time off altogether and just have a couple of long weekends throughout the year instead.

I would try looking for alternative campsites, there must be others available. Failing that, I think holidaying without him. You sound like you are really ready for a break and something to look forward to. Is you DP not too bothered about holidays? I had a partner who wasn't bothered and would come up with reasons why we couldn't go - very frustrating.

Can’t you just book different dates, when his parents are around? Ok, maybe you can’t get two weeks and do the exact trip you planned, but can’t you eg book one week and go somewhere else/do something else?

@BrandNewBicep it's not that the campsites won't accept him, there are plenty that would be fine but we were planning a long hike and lots of one night stops and DDog won't be able to keep up, hence why we needed him looked after. We can't really afford a lot hence why we'd chosen this style of camping holiday in the first place.

He normally really is bothered about holidays, it one of the things that I love the most about us and what we have in common. But he seems to be ok with just staying home and doing day trips instead and I feel like a horrible bitch for saying it but I'm not ok with that. It doesn't feel like a proper holiday!

This is going to be a tricky year financially and I've accepted that, and the fact that I'm going to basically going to have no life over the summer while work is so crazy busy so I REALLY needed something fun to focus on for after that.

I'm just so disappointed. I would rather we had just not planned anything at all until we knew it would work out rather than having to cancel everything.

I'm struggling to pretend I'm fine with it, I was a bit short with DP when he messaged about it and I have a feeling I won't feel better by the time he gets home. Doesn't help that I'm pre menstrual and unwell, makes me feel extra crappy 😭

@Pinkypurplecloud all the other dates are taken already, that's why it had taken a while to sort out because every time we'd tried to book it either my work or his couldn't accommodate us.

Ahh, PMT has a lot to answer for!!! Maybe wait a week before telling him how you feel.

You haven't said how long you've been together but has he always been like this?

I'd just go somewhere without him.

OP i have a similarly needy dog who got pancreatitis from stress when she was at doggy care - a very close friend who looked after her perfectly b ut ... she just couldnt cope without me AND in a strange place
SO we have a doggy baby siitter moving in. £50 for 24hrs
She's a friends dd who does it professionally which has the added bonus of it not feeling weird plus we have a spare room she can use.
Weight off my mind

Dog would be fine in a kennel so yabu when there’s a solution to this issue

You have every right to feel disappointed and I think you should tell him that.

One suggestion I was going to make was maybe doing small days outs in the local area with the dog? Can it be left at home alone for short times, or is it a case of being with it all the time?

I do have to say that it should be his parents who have to change their dates if they have just gone ahead and booked without checking you are free. It's their dog. My dog is unhappy if I am away, so any days out or events have to be planned. If I can't bring her or someone can't be home to feed and let her out then we don't go.

@longtompot
It's not the parents dog it's OPs.

Of course the dog would be fine at kennels. Sounds like your partner is anthropomorphising and prioritises the dog over you.
If he won't compromise, then go on holiday on your own - it is ridiculous that an animal should be put ahead of a human.

I empathise, I feel I understand your situation from everything you've written.

Would you feel able to speak to some local kennels, explain the temperament of your dog and potential issues (separation anxiety, etc.) and see what their response is? It might be that they are experienced in looking after dogs like this and have techniques for soothing them; that might set your minds at rest enough to consider boarding the dog and going away. Just a thought.

@longtompot

you have misread the post. It's says we'll have no one to look after the dog, not 'will'

Now he's told me that we can't go as his parents are away and we'll have no one to look after DDog

@squashedalmondcroissant

Have another think about people who might be able to help you out.

I have my own house, job, life (but no small children) and I frequently look after my friends dog at her house for her. It's not convenient, but I love her dog & I am happy to make life easier for her & her new partner/relationship.

I've done this for various friends over the years & would help any of them if I could. One dog came with 3 kids as well 😂

Always in their houses as it's much easier.

but as to your actual question If kissing with his parents re the dog is always 'his job' then you have every right to be pissed off & convey this to him!!

one of the advantages to being a control freak is that I'd have asked as soon as you got dates that were ok with work, I wouldn't have booked anything until it was confirmed.

if you don't find a sitter, then you should still go away. You might prefer to go with him, but if you can't, don't just sit around the house for 2 weeks, wasting your leave!!

I hope this year isn't as hard as you think it's going to be. It'll help if he manages to take some responsibility for stuff happening!!

I feel the same as you about holidays and would be extremely disappointed by this. Don't blame pmt, you have every right to be upset! No way would I spend my precious annual leave on days out. My parents did that because they couldn't afford holidays, and it was never very enjoyable.
Is there absolutely nobody who could dog sit? A neighbour, or a student or sixth former living nearby? Or could you advertise on social media? Lots of people do dog/house sitting. If I lived near you I'd do it for sure!

How about engaging a local dog sitter to come in several times a day, or even stay in your home while you are away?