To tell him how upset I am?

[squashedalmondcroissant]

Dp and I have been talking recently about going on holiday later this year, it's been tricky trying to decide when & where - due to the nature of both of our industries summer is a very busy time so it has to be after that.

We finally decided on when and what we were going to do and started planning a trip I've always wanted to do. Nothing fancy or expensive (just camping) but we worked out a schedule and started planning dates, campsites etc. I was getting really excited about it and finally put in my holiday request after much to-ing and fro-ing with Dp as the dates we had initially planned were already taken by his colleagues.

Now he's told me that we can't go as his parents are away and we'll have no one to look after DDog. Due to the nature of our planned trip we can't take DDog with us so this has meant the trip can't go ahead. There are no other dates available to go instead.

I'm really pissed off. Really upset and disappointed. I know it isn't his fault but surely he should have checked the dates his parents were available before suggesting it to me? Otherwise what was the point of all of this? He's now saying we should keep the time off but just not go away anywhere but this pisses me off even more. Yes, we'll still get the time off together but I don't want to spend 2 weeks of my precious holiday time sitting at home in the same place I am all the other days of the year. For various reasons we did basically this same thing last year and it felt like such a waste. We did a few little days out walking but didn't really go more than 20 miles from home.

Life isn't exactly thrilling right now, I need something to look forward to. This holiday was it and now it's gone.

I know it isn't his fault and complaining about it won't change anything but I'm struggling to not let it show. Aibu to let him know how upset I am or should I just let it go and try to make the best of it?

There's plenty of options for ddog. Kennels, boarding in someone's house, you can even have someone stay at your house

You sound desperate for holiday, if your partner has vetoed going then can you go somewhere with a friend or other family member or even a solo trip?

Don't let him and restrictions put your life on hold, especially for something you really need.

try "trusted house sitters". its an excellent solution

If your DP usually organises holidays around his parents then I think you’ll need to accept that something has gone wrong this time, it’s unlikely he suddenly messed up intentionally. It is rubbish for you but I don’t book holidays until I know where our dog is going if necessary, so that’s a lesson for him though I expect he’s already realised he cocked up!

It would be helpful for you to have other options for the dog and you can work through these.

I wouldn’t take 2 weeks off to stay at home though, you need to change this plan so that you get a good break of some sort.

@squashedalmondcroissant have a look at Trusted Housesitters website - we are members and it's a great way to arrange dog care. Our pups always stay home rather than being kennelled and it suits us really well.

Say to your dp there are 2 options because you really need a holiday. You either go on a different holiday somewhere with the dog (which he helps plan) or you will book a trip away for yourself. Put a time limit on sorting it all out and if he doesn't get involved take yourself away. My single friend often goes away and has a lovely time.

I say this every tme the 'usual family/friends who have dog can't do it and we're stuck now' issue comes up:

Anyone who has a dog is foolish not to have got their dog used to going to boarding kennels - because emergencies arise when you need to be able to put them in there.

We've had 4 dogs (serially) now and have employed the same strategy: they go in for a few hours every so often before they go for a weekend. Then for a week.

They're fine - in fact, our current dog ( a rescue who is afraid of strangers) loves it there and goes mad when we take her. In between holiday longer stays, she still has a few hours of daycare every now and then, to remind her that she always comes home and to keep up her good relationships with the staff there.

God I could not with this. Why have a dog that holds you back in life?

I mean aren’t they supposed to enrich your life?

I understand that DP has ruled out kennels, but lots of us have suggested options for looking after the dog in your home. Has he ruled that out too? Because if he won’t take the dog on holiday, or put him in kennels, or have someone come to the house, and his parents are the only option he’ll consider, you really do have a problem. (With the husband.)

This is why if I'm booking in the Uk (which we've done the majority of the time since we got our dog) I book dog friendly holidays. The one time I didn't I sorted out accommodation for the dog before booking the holiday. It's up there with paying the deposit and booking the annual leave.

Well then you can be disappointed and upset, which is perfectly understandable, but I’m not sure what you expect him to do about it or that it’s fair to guilt trip him about it. I mean it’s slightly ridiculous that in February you apparently can’t find even a week all year that you can take off simultaneously and without the dog, but unless you’re suggesting he either gets a new job or gets rid of the dog he’s not really got many options has he. If you want to go away then book something for yourself or with a friend. Book something earlier next year.

Just go by yourself or with a friend or something, your boyfriend has been very clear he’s not in to holidays and the dog takes priority.

(He prefers being at home and doing day trips and refuses to do anything re. the dog except make his parents have it. So you get to choose what you want to do. Book your own trip, enjoy life.)

@MollyMillieMandy You should see a dentist about that.

Exactly. I'm not sure why you're thinking to cancel a holiday for this?

You will have to find an alternative to his parents that’s the only way to solve the issue. Very annoying that he didn’t check with them first especially as booking time off can be tricky for you both.

See if you can find a house sitter. That sounds like the best solution for your dog and they’ll often send you updates while you’re away so you can be reassured your dog is being well looked after.

Don't cancel the holiday though, that would be madness! If your partner seems happy to cancel I’d be wondering if he wasn’t that bothered about going away tbh. But don’t cancel. You’ll just end up feeling really angry and anyway why should you have to miss out? That isn’t fair on you at all.

I think you have to look at how difficult your DP is making a simple thing like taking a holiday.

I'll guess this isn't the only thing he's difficult about.

Sadly he can't (won't) go away. I'd be going on my own or with a friend.

Put the dog in kennels/with a home boarder or change your holiday plans and take the dog with you, I always take mine when we go away in this country, you might have to change your itinerary sightly but you really don’t need to stay at home.

Can you advertise for someone who would care for your fog in their own home ? We did this and are now free to go away without needing to ask family.
we advertised, did a meet and greet and went on a few walks, visited her home . Best thing we ever did. Our two dogs love going there and it’s reasonably priced

OP has already said her boyfriend refuses to put the dog in kennels, or take it away with them anywhere. Presumably he’ll refuse a home boarder too and leave it to OP to waste annual leave, or, holiday alone or with a friend.

Have you looked into holidays the dog can come on.

My dog doesn't always settle in new places but we just make exceptions like letting him sleep in the bedroom (he's not allowed upstairs at home) for the sake of relaxing!

If the dog is the main concern try looking into different boarders. We tried a few before we found one my dog actually settled with. We can't use boarders that board more than one dog etc. Maybe not in time for this year but going forward it would increase your options although I appreciate there's a cost involved in boarding.

Annoying yes, but you've suggested these are the only two weeks off you can have together. So the doc sitting is irrelevant really if this was the only time off available, and you have to take what you can get.

Dog sitter? Or a staycation? There are plenty of holiday cottages that are dog friendly.