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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell him how upset I am?

79 replies

squashedalmondcroissant · 10/02/2023 14:06

Dp and I have been talking recently about going on holiday later this year, it's been tricky trying to decide when & where - due to the nature of both of our industries summer is a very busy time so it has to be after that.

We finally decided on when and what we were going to do and started planning a trip I've always wanted to do. Nothing fancy or expensive (just camping) but we worked out a schedule and started planning dates, campsites etc. I was getting really excited about it and finally put in my holiday request after much to-ing and fro-ing with Dp as the dates we had initially planned were already taken by his colleagues.

Now he's told me that we can't go as his parents are away and we'll have no one to look after DDog. Due to the nature of our planned trip we can't take DDog with us so this has meant the trip can't go ahead. There are no other dates available to go instead.

I'm really pissed off. Really upset and disappointed. I know it isn't his fault but surely he should have checked the dates his parents were available before suggesting it to me? Otherwise what was the point of all of this? He's now saying we should keep the time off but just not go away anywhere but this pisses me off even more. Yes, we'll still get the time off together but I don't want to spend 2 weeks of my precious holiday time sitting at home in the same place I am all the other days of the year. For various reasons we did basically this same thing last year and it felt like such a waste. We did a few little days out walking but didn't really go more than 20 miles from home.

Life isn't exactly thrilling right now, I need something to look forward to. This holiday was it and now it's gone.

I know it isn't his fault and complaining about it won't change anything but I'm struggling to not let it show. Aibu to let him know how upset I am or should I just let it go and try to make the best of it?

OP posts:
girlfriend44 · 10/02/2023 15:21

There are plenty of dog sitters around or as others say go on a dog friendly break.

NotMyDayJob · 10/02/2023 15:22

I understand you're disappointment but what if it was all set up for the parents to have the dog and then the week before one of them broke their leg and couldn't do it anymore? Would you just not go? It could be all sorted and this could still happen.

It really needs an alternative otherwise the dog will always take priority.

mrsm43s · 10/02/2023 15:24

Can you not just book a different, dog friendly holiday? There must be other places you'd like to go, other activities that you'd like to do, other than long hikes that the dog can't keep up with.

I get that it's disappointing that you can't do the thing that you really wanted to do, but there must be other options out there that you'd enjoy and look forward to. Camping is great fun and dog friendly, even without the hikes!

SandyY2K · 10/02/2023 15:25

I'm sorry, but this isn't entirely his fault. There's no reason you couldn't have checked that he'd asked his parents about looking after the dog.

musingsinmidlife · 10/02/2023 15:26

If neither your work nor his could accommodate any other dates, then I am not sure what the solution is. The only weeks you were both free to go, his parents aren't available. That isn't his fault.

Given all the issues with the dog, I am surprised that wasn't a bigger part of your conversation in planning before confirming dates.

emptythelitterbox · 10/02/2023 15:26

I just realised the dog is yours. I thought it was your parent's dog.

There is plenty of time you could get a dog trainer to help with the nervousness or the vet can prescribe something for the dog so it won't be anxious.

JennyDarlingRIP · 10/02/2023 15:27

I get that it's disappointing but I don't think it's your DHs fault, he couldn't really ask his parents until you'd confirmed dates which by your own admission was a lot of back and forth and clashing, then he asked and they're not available, so that holiday isn't possible. Can't you hire a little cottage somewhere with nice walking and take the dog?
Frankly I'd be pissed off with what sounds like a pain in the backside dog rather than your husband.

amiold · 10/02/2023 15:30

My partner told me he couldn't go away (various issues) I said no problem I'll ask a friend. I'll still be going. Complete u turn and he was looking that night. You don't need to put your life on hold.

Screwcorona · 10/02/2023 15:32

Put the dogs in kennels and go enjoy yourself. I've worked in a kennels and promise you the dogs have a lovely time

Mariposista · 10/02/2023 15:38

I totally agree with you RE kennels - I would never put my sensitive boy in one neither. However do check out the Rover app. You can filter it to find a sitter, either in your home (might be good for your nervous dog) or theirs, to find a good match. You can explain your dog's characteristics and meet the person beforehand to make sure they are the right fit for your dog. We met our lovely dog sitter that way, and holidays are great now, knowing that Ddog is happy and well cared for when he can't come with us.
I wouldn't be plumping for two weeks at home. I'd rather be at work.

MollyMillieMandy · 10/02/2023 15:48

I sympathise with the dog situation. We wouldn't put our dog in kennels, and only use family or a local couple who have her in their own home. But.. you could take your dog on holiday and do something a bit different to what you had planned. We often take our dog away, to the seaside, to the peak district etc. No need to sit at home, I'm sure you can think of somewhere you'd both like to go?

longtompot · 10/02/2023 15:49

WhoNeedsSleepNotISaidMyBody · 10/02/2023 15:19

@longtompot

you have misread the post. It's says we'll have no one to look after the dog, not 'will'

Now he's told me that we can't go as his parents are away and we'll have no one to look after DDog

@squashedalmondcroissant

Have another think about people who might be able to help you out.

I have my own house, job, life (but no small children) and I frequently look after my friends dog at her house for her. It's not convenient, but I love her dog & I am happy to make life easier for her & her new partner/relationship.

I've done this for various friends over the years & would help any of them if I could. One dog came with 3 kids as well 😂

Always in their houses as it's much easier.

but as to your actual question If kissing with his parents re the dog is always 'his job' then you have every right to be pissed off & convey this to him!!

one of the advantages to being a control freak is that I'd have asked as soon as you got dates that were ok with work, I wouldn't have booked anything until it was confirmed.

if you don't find a sitter, then you should still go away. You might prefer to go with him, but if you can't, don't just sit around the house for 2 weeks, wasting your leave!!

I hope this year isn't as hard as you think it's going to be. It'll help if he manages to take some responsibility for stuff happening!!

Show quote history

Ahh yes, you are right! Oops, apologies @squashedalmondcroissant

MollyMillieMandy · 10/02/2023 15:50

PS. The whole DDog thing is really setting my teeth on edge. Someone even wrote ddoggy daycare ffs!

Stuffynosetime · 10/02/2023 15:51

I don’t understand why you can’t still go away and just do something different with the dog?

Happygone · 10/02/2023 15:53

Put it in kennels. I can't imagine not going because of a dog.

Happygone · 10/02/2023 15:54

And I love my dogs dearly before anyone thinks otherwise.

category12 · 10/02/2023 16:00

Could you look at getting a housesitter in? I know someone who does this - looks after the pets in situ, so it's less stressful for them.

OfTheNight · 10/02/2023 16:03

Our dog walkers offer a pet sitting holiday service where they will stay in your home with your dog. They will also water plants/take out bins etc. Last time they did this for us they even bought us fresh milk and bread for when we got home!

Anything like that round you OP?

Aquamarine1029 · 10/02/2023 16:07

You're both being rather ridiculous. The dog will be absolutely fine in a kennel.

Original poster
squashedalmondcroissant · 10/02/2023 16:10

Thing is, he's not my dog so I don't really get to dictate when he can and can't go. Dp knows him a lot better than I do and he's decided that kennels aren't an option. This is probably due to a combination of factors, his anxiety/routine/cost of dogcare being some of them.

As far as I know DP has never taken the dog anywhere with him on holiday as he feels the dog won't settle. I'm assuming that this would negate the enjoyment of being away on holiday, especially if we've had to pay extra to accommodate him.

I'm not blaming Dp as it really isn't his fault but he's just usually much better at checking dates that his parents are away his he always relies on them to look after the dog. Literally he plans his holidays around theirs as they go away quite a lot.

@JennyDarlingRIP tbf I was waiting on him to confirm dates with his work before I could book mine, my work is a lot more accommodating. As long as I book the chosen dates before anyone else I can have them whereas he can only book certain weeks, it's a bit of a complicated system and he's in the middle of changing job roles so it's even more awkward!

OP posts:
IslandLife88 · 10/02/2023 16:17

Go on your own, find a friend and plan a trip with them. Ridiculous for you to sit at home for 2 weeks because he won't put a dog in the kennel.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/02/2023 16:28

Thing is, he's not my dog so I don't really get to dictate when he can and can't go. Dp knows him a lot better than I do and he's decided that kennels aren't an option.

You need to have a BIG conversation with him because this is just absurd. You really want to stay with a man who prioritises a dog over you? And for absolutely no legitimate reason? Of course we love our pets, I certainly do, but you can't allow them to control your life when there are plenty of good options available. I wouldn't stay in a relationship with someone who is so selfish and has such skewed views.

AnotherSpare · 10/02/2023 16:34

Keep the booked time off work but change what you had planned to do. There are so many dog-friendly places you can go on holiday too! It's not the trip you had planned but it would still be a holiday.
The dog may be a little unsettled but he'll still be with you.
Surely that's better than staying at home feeling annoyed for the entire break!

AnotherSpare · 10/02/2023 16:36

Or arrange a house sitter to come. They get to stay in your house for free in exchange for looking after the dog, who gets to stay in its own home.
There are several websites you can find people for this.

Funcamper · 10/02/2023 16:37

Try a live in sitter from Trusted Housesitters- you have to pay to sign up but sitters checked and verified carefully ( I am one) You put the ‘job’ up on the website and choose your best candidate; many people go by excellent references from previous sits. I usually do a zoom type interview beforehand as well.