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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DH constantly asking when I’m going out?

69 replies

Threeyearslater · 10/02/2023 10:36

DH WFH some of the week. I have a baby and toddler.

We do actually get out a fair bit, go to a class every morning and walk in the afternoon if the weather is OK. If not we might do soft play or library.

So DH is constantly asking when I’m going out. This morning our class doesn’t start until 11, so didn’t have to leave until in about ten mins. I’ve been asked 3 times if I’m still here, is the class cancelled, when I’m going.

I think he is just making conversation but it’s starting to annoy me and make me feel like I’m being sent out of the house. AIBU?

OP posts:
BrightSaturn · 10/02/2023 10:38

No you’re not being unreasonable to be annoyed. It’s hard work with a baby and a toddler and if you want to just be at home with them on some days then you are perfectly within your right!

Does he not have a dedicated space where he can close the door?

THEDEACON · 10/02/2023 10:40

No you are not being unreasonable but tell HIM not MN Discussion needed about him working out of the home part of the week me thinks

Bleachmycloths · 10/02/2023 10:41

Tell him to fuck off and stop asking!

Original poster
Threeyearslater · 10/02/2023 10:43

He does @THEDEACON but his work is 2 hours away. I don’t begrudge him cutting down that commute but it is hard work him being here all the time - feel like I’m doing something wrong for being in my own home!

OP posts:
BringMeTea · 10/02/2023 10:44

That would annoy me. He is out of order.

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/02/2023 10:44

Why don’t you just tell him to stop it?

Original poster
Threeyearslater · 10/02/2023 10:47

I did!

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 10/02/2023 10:49

YANBU. This is a massive problem with WFH - I can think of half a dozen households where mothers and children are under quiet, friendly pressure to live very quietly and spend as much time as possible outside their own home because their husband is WFH.

OldTrot · 10/02/2023 10:49

That would drive me mad

Just say ' look, don't worry about what I'm doing during the day when you're supposed to be working. Shut the door and pretend I don't exist until 5pm. I mean it'

And DO mean it

Shewhois21 · 10/02/2023 10:50

Does he not wear noise cancelling headphones and shut the door of the room he's working in? If not, he needs to.

Shewhois21 · 10/02/2023 10:51

And he needs to stop the moaning !

romdowa · 10/02/2023 10:51

I'd be encouraging him to find a remote working hub closer to home and work from there.

Everydayitsgettingcloser · 10/02/2023 10:53

We both sometimes WFH while the other is looking after the toddler - it is really helpful to know when it's safe to come out for a cuppa without being annoying to the person looking after the toddler. We have an agreement that we text each other when we are going out - would that work for you? Then he doesn't keep asking you, he knows you will tell him

gamerchick · 10/02/2023 10:53

He is sending you our of the house and I'd be warning him that if he keeps badgering you, you will be cancelling the class and stopping in.

OoooohMatron · 10/02/2023 10:53

I'd be telling him to go and work somewhere else. My DH WFH and often goes to the library for a change of scenery.

ChildminderMum · 10/02/2023 10:55

Why's he hanging around "making conversation" with you all the time?

Tell him to stay in his office and do some work!

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/02/2023 10:57

So tell him again, until he stops it.

xogossipgirlxo · 10/02/2023 10:57

Tell him to buy noise cancelling headphones if it bothers him this much. Or rent some shared office space. He can't just kick you out of the house every time.

HaggisBurger · 10/02/2023 11:05

That would drive me insane. My exMIL used to do that. In fact she hounded my terminally ill mother out of my house with that sh*t when my DS was born.

knock it on the head. You’re an adult. Tell him to eff off.

HaggisBurger · 10/02/2023 11:06

I do appreciate that telling him to eff off isn’t v adult tho lol

SecondClassmyass · 10/02/2023 11:10

If your husband my dp or what?
-what time are you leaving?
-how long will you take to get ready before you leave?
-what time are you back?
-wait for me, I will send one email and walk out with you
-what’s the plan Stan? And you leaving now?
-what time are you leaving so I can time it with my coffee walk
-let me know when you back so I will meet you on the street and get a coffee

this and more in one average day. This has started since covid and wfh

neverbeenskiing · 10/02/2023 11:20

I would find this intolerable. I'd tell him either he goes back to the office, finds somewhere else to work or learns to shut the door, put some noise cancelling headphones on and pretend you're not there. This is your home first, and his workplace second.

closingscore · 10/02/2023 11:22

My "D" H used to do this all the time. I later found out it was because he wanted to watch porn. Sorry if that's not helpful 😳

DestinysGrandchild · 10/02/2023 11:23

He's being ridiculous.

Yes he works from home but it's your home too! You don't have to go out just because he's not in an office!

Calphurnia88 · 10/02/2023 11:26

Yeah that is annoying.

Just tell him to stop asking (I would probably ask if he was having trouble with his hearing 🙃)