Neighbours - wwyd?

[IWishICouldDisappear]

How much noise/disruption would have to happen before you were concerned and call the police? If there was lots of noise -not arguments but angry loud shouting and swearing from one person (male) lots of things being thrown around and broken, music turned up to very high volume.

I'm the female on the receiving end of the abuse. Too scared to call the police because they won't do anything and he'll be angry with me for calling. Kind of hoping that a neighbour might call and report a disturbance but they never have.

So just wondered. How bad would it have to be before you called the police if you heard something like that from your neighbours?

YABU - Of course the neighbours should not get involved and put themselves at risk too

YANBU - I would be concerned and call the police

I have went through very similar from being the victim to being the neighbor of a victim.
I eventually left, took my kids and got outta there. It did take me 7 attempts as I did keep going back.

My old house I had neighbours move in and could hear the man shouting, screaming and smashing the place up. I called the police, my neighbor didn’t want to complain so he was left in the house. She too eventually left him and we formed a fantastic friendship, I explained why I called and how panicked I was to hear her go through that. She’s now met a lovely man and she’s 8 months pregnant.

My advice to you would be if at the moment you don’t feel ready to leave, start surrounding yourself with support, download the ‘weather’ app on your phone. Simply looks like the weather app but it’s full of support and you can keep a diary of everything also. When you’re ready, be prepared for the questioning of yourself wondering if it’s the right thing to do. It is and you will eventually know it is, but you may still have nagging doubts. It will take a long time to mentally recover from so again having a support unit is amazing to get you through this.

Whose house is it?

If he's out, can you pack a bag and go somewhere tonight? Friends, family, b&b?

Do you have any money?
What's the situation with the house?
You say there are no children in the house. Is that just for tonight or are there no children involved at all?

I'm ashamed to say I haven't called. Actually in my instance its the woman who is screaming and throwing things at the man (that's what it sounds like through the wall anyway) , lots and lots of horrendous abusive language being screamed (by both) and their babies screaming.

I haven't called because they will know it's me. Worse, she's a social worker so really should know better.

He left once after a particularly bad argument. I was so relieved, but he's back now. It's her who's the abusive one though for sure she starts it. Both kids scream all the time, they definitely pick up on the awful atmosphere, I just hope it's nothing else regarding the kids.

I'm looking to move house. If I lived in a flat, I would have called by now and I've promised myself if the next one is truly horrendous, I will ring. Just so far, when the get bad, they're done and dusted 10 mins later. If I had have rung, she'd have just denied everything to the police.

Our elderly neighbour (F) was/is? Being abused by her daughter who moved in after lockdown. Shes not our immediate neighbour, she's in the adjoining road but we have always been friendly with her, chatted, looked out for her etc. We weren't aware of the abuse until one summer evening. We had our windows open and heard it happen, we acted immediately and contacted police, social services etc. Other than the abuse the thing that upset us the most is that her two neighbours immediately either side had heard/been aware of it for a long time but hadn't done anything about it. I can't understand why but people are different. Please report it yourself and don't rely on neighbours. I wish you all the very best x

Please call the Police, especially if he has gone out drinking again. They will have a record of the earlier pub incident. You can show them the knives, they might not have been thrown at you (this time), but he did it to intimidate you. They can give you advise and also remove him from your home if need be.

When I had police contact for my DA, they told me that if they had had a record of what had been going on, there would have been a flag on my address, which would have triggered a faster response. My experience with them was positive and at no point did I feel they didn't believe me.

Also Women's Aid give great advice and support.

I don't think you can rely on a neighbour calling because it really depends on how they are and their situation. Some people would call quickly, but others may be worried/scared that they would get found out and then have trouble themselves. Please try to find the courage to go to the police or women's aid for help, I know that's far easier to type than actually do, but you really must take control of your life here. Good luck with this OP.

Please call Womens Aid NOW. You need to get out of there ASAP. You can be housed in a refuge tonight.

My thoughts are with you, be strong and fo it.