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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Neighbours - wwyd?

58 replies

IWishICouldDisappear · 08/02/2023 18:28

How much noise/disruption would have to happen before you were concerned and call the police? If there was lots of noise -not arguments but angry loud shouting and swearing from one person (male) lots of things being thrown around and broken, music turned up to very high volume.

I'm the female on the receiving end of the abuse. Too scared to call the police because they won't do anything and he'll be angry with me for calling. Kind of hoping that a neighbour might call and report a disturbance but they never have.

So just wondered. How bad would it have to be before you called the police if you heard something like that from your neighbours?

YABU - Of course the neighbours should not get involved and put themselves at risk too

YANBU - I would be concerned and call the police

OP posts:
pilates · 08/02/2023 19:10

Can you leave and live with your family? You cannot live like that. Have you got children together?

DRS1970 · 08/02/2023 19:12

You need to report him to the police.

CohenTree · 08/02/2023 19:13

I would call police if I hear the kind of noise you describe OP along with a female screaming or sounding distressed....

Moxysright · 08/02/2023 19:14

If you’re living in an abusive relationship OP you would need to ring the police

many neighbours may not want to get involved also officially making a complaint about neighbours has to be declared when selling up. That would put some off alone.

Tinysarah1985 · 08/02/2023 19:14

I would and have, called when I have heard shouting and screaming from a neighbours house, he then started smashing the house up, daughter ran out into the street while I was on the phone to the police and he ran out after her with a knife. I just grabbed her and pulled her into our house and slammed the door oor and locked it. He is now in prison.

I would download the Holly gard app and set up an emergency contact, you can descretly raise the alarm and get your emergency contacts alerted to the fact that you need help. It will also record what is happening

Edwardandtubbs · 08/02/2023 19:19

I've been the neighbour and have called the police, and I would again. Twat smashed a window trying to get in accompanied by much verbal abuse. Complicated set up in my case though as half the extended family lived along our (very in each other's pockets) terraced houses and he was back within a week. He then joked to my DH about it. If it had got bad again I would've called again though, always. Especially as there were kids living there. We moved out not long after and no, we didn't declare is as its not a 'dispute'?

MNHQ
KimMumsnet · 08/02/2023 19:21

We're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence page.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ.
Flowers

Original poster
IWishICouldDisappear · 08/02/2023 19:22

Thank you for the replies and the links. Don't worry there's no children in the house.

OP posts:
Forgooodnesssakenow · 08/02/2023 19:25

IWishICouldDisappear · 08/02/2023 19:22

Thank you for the replies and the links. Don't worry there's no children in the house.

You are important in your own right.

Get in touch with the police but if possible get far away first, family or friends will be more willing to help than you expect usually. Get to someone's house. Call from there. Stay away, do not return to him.

Scuttlingherbert · 08/02/2023 19:30

Forgooodnesssakenow · 08/02/2023 19:25

You are important in your own right.

Get in touch with the police but if possible get far away first, family or friends will be more willing to help than you expect usually. Get to someone's house. Call from there. Stay away, do not return to him.

Show quote history

I was going to say this as well - you are important in your own right!

Sending so much support and encouragement.

There may be no children there but you were a child once and you grew up to be an adult who still deserves safety, respect and love. There will be a way out, even if seems really really hard at the moment. Do it for the little girl who didn't deserve to end up in an environment with knives being thrown around.

SpikeGilesSandwich · 08/02/2023 19:31

My neighbours called the police and he was arrested but they don't keep them long in my experience and it's not fun when they get back.

The only way I escaped was by finally asking for help and getting a friend with a van to come and take as much of my stuff as possible and I never went back. I moved somewhere new and changed my name, so far so good.

Wishing you strength OP, you can do this, it's hard and humiliating to admit you need help but it's so worth it. Flowers

Dogcafedreamer · 08/02/2023 19:34

SpikeGilesSandwich · 08/02/2023 19:31

My neighbours called the police and he was arrested but they don't keep them long in my experience and it's not fun when they get back.

The only way I escaped was by finally asking for help and getting a friend with a van to come and take as much of my stuff as possible and I never went back. I moved somewhere new and changed my name, so far so good.

Wishing you strength OP, you can do this, it's hard and humiliating to admit you need help but it's so worth it. Flowers

Bless you Flowers

CrescentMoons · 08/02/2023 19:44

IWishICouldDisappear · 08/02/2023 19:22

Thank you for the replies and the links. Don't worry there's no children in the house.

Sweetheart there may not be children but there is you. You are a precious worthwhile beautiful human who deserves a better life. Leave the house if it is safe to do so - nip to the shops or a friend or a neighbour. Phone 999 when you are safe explain that the police have already dealt with him enraged him and he has turned up and thrown knives in the wall and you are bloody terrified. Ask them to keep you safe in your own home. Explain it is freezing and you are terrified of him and he is high.

ask them for a restraining order and to charge him and remove his keys.

run to a friend - pack your stuff and leave and run my darling don’t look back - you deserve more than this. You deserve to be safe, happy, warm and loved.

MoreSleepPleasee · 08/02/2023 19:49

Hope you're OK op. I live in a flat and have an abusive ex. I bumped into my old neighbour who lived below me a few months ago and he said... do you still see dickhead? I'm so glad you don't he was awful. Always shouting at you wasn't he. I'm glad you got through that..... he heard it all and never rang the police. Not that I blame him but I know in future I will call the police.

ShimmeringShirts · 08/02/2023 19:54

Oh OP you deserve so much more than this. I hope you manage to break free 💐

Motnight · 08/02/2023 19:56

Such a sad post. I hope you are finding this thread useful.

LemonTuesday · 08/02/2023 20:18

My neighbours called the police when my ex smashed a window. I was taken away in a police car and they drove me to my friends house an hour away.

watchfulwishes · 08/02/2023 20:22

IWishICouldDisappear · 08/02/2023 19:22

Thank you for the replies and the links. Don't worry there's no children in the house.

I'm worried because you are in the house.

Please call Women's Aid when you can. You deserve to live in peace and safety.

Snugglemonkey · 08/02/2023 20:23

I have phoned. It was a long time ago, nearly 20 years. I phoned 3 times on different occasions. Each time the police came, I don't know what happened the first 2 times, but the third time they took him away and I didn't see him again.

Sapphire387 · 08/02/2023 21:14

He threw knives? This needs to be a wakeup call. He may well end up killing you- you could end up as one of those women on the news, the ones we all feel heartbroken about when we read the stories of the abuse they suffered.

Please, please seek help, you need to get away from this horrible 'man'.

KathieFerrars · 08/02/2023 21:20

If Emma and Lettie's terrible tragedy does nothing else, please let it highlight the need to get out first. Call women's aid and remember you are at your most vulnerable when trying to leave. We have just lost one fabulous woman, let's not lose another.

Best of luck.

Suzi888 · 08/02/2023 21:28

I think the majority of people don’t want to get involved.

Speak to women’s aid. Ring 999 you don’t even have to speak. I’m so sorry 💐please get help.

Original poster
IWishICouldDisappear · 08/02/2023 21:29

The knife throwing - it wasn't at me I was in a different room at the time but it's a bit unnerving to enter the room and see two knives sticking out of the wall. I can't pull them out so they were thrown at or stabbed into the wall with a lot of force and rage and it made my stomach nauseous to see it.

Thank you for all your kind words, he's gone out now so I'm going to phone the helpline before he comes home drunk and angry in the early hours

OP posts:
CowSnail · 08/02/2023 21:30

Call the police and claim to be the neighbour, or call the police and don’t say anything - they’ll hopefully get the gist and turn up.

LolaSmiles · 08/02/2023 21:34

Could you put a note through your neighbors' door now saying that you're scared and if they hear partner in a rage/shouting/threatening or noise would they call the police as he's gone out and you're concerned he will start again if he returns drunk?
Then they know you're asking for help

Is there nowhere else you can go tonight so you're safe though?