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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH making me late

61 replies

Latewait · 08/02/2023 07:44

DH is needier than a bunch of toddlers in the morning. Two days a week, he leaves before us. That’s always fine.

Wednesdays are a nightmare. He always decides that when I’m brushing my teeth that’s an ideal moment to start a conversation about what needs to be done ready for the cleaner, when do I expect to be back today, has the cat been fed. Today I ended up abandoning my teeth brushing and started again as I just had to say look DH will you please wait until I have finished brushing my teeth? So that took twice as long. In the shower and he’s following me in and hit asking about this and that. He also feels the need to tell me what he’s done, even things he normally does so things like ‘I’ve emptied the cat litter. I’ve taken the bins out.’ Argghh yes you always do!

Then after he left he came back three times as he’d forgotten something but came in every time to tell me this meaning DS burst h to tears as daddy left again and I had to pause from drying my hair.

Meanwhile DS is getting difficult as everything’s taking forever and is bringing me books and toys.

He’s a lovely man really so I do not want to LTB. But AIBU to put him on mute until 9am?

OP posts:
Whatislove82 · 08/02/2023 07:47

It’s 7.47 OP… you don’t have time to start and continue a mumsnet thread surely?!

BakedTattie · 08/02/2023 07:48

Why are you pausing and listening? I’d just keep going and ignore. He can see you’re busy and he can wait until you aren’t.

Whatislove82 · 08/02/2023 07:48

And when you’re brushing your teeth, you don’t need to respond. Just point to your toothbrush repeatedly and he will get the message

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 08/02/2023 07:50

Surely you can just ignore him and carry on with whatever you're doing?

Outtasteamandluck · 08/02/2023 07:51

Bathroom doors have locks. Use it.

Original poster
Latewait · 08/02/2023 07:52

I know, I should … force of habit.

I have held my hand up in a ‘wait’ signal but he ignored me so that was why in the end I gave up!

OP posts:
Original poster
Latewait · 08/02/2023 07:53

@Outtasteamandluck i don’t because DS follows me and would be upset if he couldn’t get in. Usually he has to come in with me as normally Dh has gone by the time we’re showering.

OP posts:
Whatislove82 · 08/02/2023 07:55

Latewait · 08/02/2023 07:52

I know, I should … force of habit.

I have held my hand up in a ‘wait’ signal but he ignored me so that was why in the end I gave up!

So? He’s not actually forcing you to respond or getting angry.

So just point to toothbrush. Look in mirror and crack on.

essentially… don’t be a martyr

Dogcafedreamer · 08/02/2023 07:57

Whatislove82 · 08/02/2023 07:47

It’s 7.47 OP… you don’t have time to start and continue a mumsnet thread surely?!

😂

Roundabout78 · 08/02/2023 07:58

Agreed with PPs. Why are you “abandoning” (lol) brushing your teeth and having to start again? Just carry on as he talks?
why does him chatting while you’re in the shower slow you down? Might be annoying but he isn’t making you late, you are. You sound just as bad.

Sirzy · 08/02/2023 08:01

Just lock the door.

talk of things like abandoning toothbrushing make it sound very dramatic .

Whatislove82 · 08/02/2023 08:03

You: sorry I’m late boss but my dh was talking at me whilst I was brushing my teeth and I “had to abandon” brushing my teeth and restart.

Your boss: 🤔

You see how daft this sounds op. YOU are making yourself late

Whatislove82 · 08/02/2023 08:03

The upside is good dental hygiene

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 08/02/2023 08:06

Latewait · 08/02/2023 07:53

@Outtasteamandluck i don’t because DS follows me and would be upset if he couldn’t get in. Usually he has to come in with me as normally Dh has gone by the time we’re showering.

If DH is there then just lock the door.

He'll be fine with his dad for a few minutes and needs to learn he can't be with you all the time anyway.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 08/02/2023 08:06

Ask him if he wants a sticker chart or a badge every time he relays which task he has done...
And start locking the bathroom door..

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/02/2023 08:06

To be honest it sounds like you have the problem, not him. He's just trying to communicate with you. He's not 'making you late'; just carry on with whatever you're doing. I can't see that having to clean your teeth makes you late...

Lcb123 · 08/02/2023 08:07

Lock the door and/or just ignore him? But I mean, you have time to write this post…

BreviloquentBastard · 08/02/2023 08:08

Have you considered talking to him? You know, of an evening when you're not in a rush, just tell him that you need to be left in peace in the mornings and not to bother you unless it's really important.

Original poster
Latewait · 08/02/2023 08:09

I’m at work now - have to be here at a particular time but don’t actually have to start doing anything until a bit later Smile

It’s true I should be firmer but a lifetime of polite acknowledging people when they speak to me is hard to break! Perhaps my middle finger raised will get the message across …

OP posts:
echt · 08/02/2023 08:09

You are your own problem, OP.

Botw1 · 08/02/2023 08:09

He isn't making you do anything

Stop engaging with him

Lock the door. Your kid will be fine for 5 min

WhatNoRaisins · 08/02/2023 08:10

Just lock the door if you don't want to be disturbed, that's why bathroom doors have locks. DS will get used to it and you don't need to be a martyr to them.

GoodChat · 08/02/2023 08:11

I don't see why him talking to you slows you down.

Whatislove82 · 08/02/2023 08:11

The OP won’t be back! 😂

bonzaitree · 08/02/2023 08:11

Tell him to bugger off.

In a nice way “Love, you can see I’m busy. Let’s speak about this later. I’m going to be late for work.”