DH making me late

[Latewait]

DH is needier than a bunch of toddlers in the morning. Two days a week, he leaves before us. That’s always fine.

Wednesdays are a nightmare. He always decides that when I’m brushing my teeth that’s an ideal moment to start a conversation about what needs to be done ready for the cleaner, when do I expect to be back today, has the cat been fed. Today I ended up abandoning my teeth brushing and started again as I just had to say look DH will you please wait until I have finished brushing my teeth? So that took twice as long. In the shower and he’s following me in and hit asking about this and that. He also feels the need to tell me what he’s done, even things he normally does so things like ‘I’ve emptied the cat litter. I’ve taken the bins out.’ Argghh yes you always do!

Then after he left he came back three times as he’d forgotten something but came in every time to tell me this meaning DS burst h to tears as daddy left again and I had to pause from drying my hair.

Meanwhile DS is getting difficult as everything’s taking forever and is bringing me books and toys.

He’s a lovely man really so I do not want to LTB. But AIBU to put him on mute until 9am?

You have a child - why haven't you perfected the non-committal 'mm-hmms' and 'okays' and 'oh reallys?' that surely are the mainstay of any toddler conversation?

If you have - use them on your husband. You know he's just going to witter and faff so just tune him out.

Lock the bloody door.
And if DH is there he can look after his (presumably) child while you are getting ready.

Just get up earlier. Poor bloke probably never sees you and wants some affirmation. If you can't be arsed then your marriage won't last

Of the 'poor bloke' could let the OP get ready for work on peace.

In*

If my DH starts talking to me whilst I’m cleaning my teeth, I always say that I can’t hear him whilst I’m cleaning my teeth! It’s like talking at the dentist so don’t think he actually understands what I say, but if he carries on talking I ignore him. He can wait until I’m done and then I say ‘what dear’.

why are you telling me, I’m not your mother?

DH would announce on bin day or the day before (when he retired) that ‘the bin needs to go out (tomorrow), WHY ???? Just put the fekker out! Been married 40 years and I did it nearly every week up to then.
infuriated me

I just say in a stress voice, “not now love, we’re in a hurry”.

😂 yes the solution is always for the mother to get up earlier for any domestic issue. Maybe she just shouldn’t go to sleep at all.

Wait until he’s watching football or whatever manly tv he loves, then point out that you cooked dinner, loaded the dishwasher, put on a load of laundry and folded a drier load. Tomorrow you’re thinking of stripping the beds.
Do the same when he’s getting ready to go out, go to work or visit his parents.
Burst in on him when he’s using the bathroom to let him know up to date weather reports etc.
When he asks why, tell him, it’s sauce for the goose so it’s sauce for the gander.

Hopefully, he’ll get the message.

Exactly. Children need to learn they don't have 24/7 access; parents need privacy too.