to be annoyed at my son’s teacher?

[ChipmunksInAttic]

I have a 9 yo and he’s brilliant at maths, history, geography and he’s a very good reader. We’ve always received good feedback from school so far at parent evenings etc, encouraged for grammar schools.

Today at school he took an equipment which he was specifically told not to play with yesterday, and broke it by mistake. It’s not an expensive thing, and we’ll replace it of course. It was wrong of him for sure, but in my eyes it’s just a mistake.

But the teacher was really cross with him. She pulled me in at school pickup and told me about this. Then she showed me some of his work at school, which she rightfully said was poorly done. She said these are not up to their standards at all, and she was not happy at all with his attitude too. I said I’d talk to him and we’d work on it to get it better.

I’m not saying any of these were wrong, I think in essence she believes her instructions are being ignored and I don’t blame her for complaining about it.

But to be honest presentation of his work was never very good, his notebooks were always messy but given the good feedback we thought they didn’t care about it so much. I’m a bit annoyed we’re being told about this only now, when she’s angry with him. That just makes all the previous praises questionable. I’m also annoyed she made all these complaints in front of him. He already thinks she has other favourites and he’s not one of them. Shouldn’t she have told this to me privately without upsetting and discouraging him? Or did he need this wake up call?

Yes, you get method marks at GCSE/A level.

@corcaithecat - yes, showing the method will earn points in the event that the student doesn't get the correct answer at the end of the equation. This goes throughout school.
If you/your son does the mental arithmetic but doesn't write down what you've done in your head, on the off chance the result is incorrect you will not get any marks for that question. If you can show the method and the method is correct but the result is wrong, you will get marks.
It shows that you knew and understand what you were being asked and sometimes the numbers can get muddled and cause the result to be incorrect, or a decimal point in the wrong place or whatever.

@MysteryBelle - thanks for your input. I'll take it under advisement.

I did write that some would see annoyed and angry as interchangeable words and I was asking the OP based on how they used the words. After all I was trying to understand the situation better following the OP's own update yesterday. It wasn't hostile in nature (though that is open to interpretation as it is the written word and not spoken so if you read it as hostile, for that I apologise). Both words, angry and annoyed are on the negative end of the spectrum. I've never read that someone was angry with joy or annoyed with happiness.
That is all.

It applies even more so at higher levels.

In a maths degree you won’t get any marks if you just put the answer at the end. Maths is about the method.

No. OP has been quite clear she wants feedback in an appropriate format that will encourage her son to do better (so not feedback on academic work given while angry). That is timely (so not ignored for months) and not conflated with other things (so not improvements in academic work mixed up with comments on behaviour as though it’s all part and parcel fothe same thing).

None of what OP has said indicates she doesn’t want to know how her son can improve. It’s all been about the delivery.

She should have split the issues.

Or should have raised some issues beforehand - I agree piling them all on when angry isn't a great move.

However. Your ds touched something he was told not to. He's 9yo and bright so he can remember.

He also needs to take care and now you know it can be addressed but if this has been an issue for a while you should have been told earlier as a separate issue.

Personally - although it's not great how it was handled - I would put that aside and focus on making sure your ds knows what's expected and he meets those targets. Speak to the teacher and agree a reward system for taking care and effort with his work to encourage him to make the change.

I'd also not worry about it being in front of him. He needs to know his behaviour is unacceptable and needs to see a united front between school and home.

Teachers are under A LOT of pressure atm and I'd allow the way it was done slide this time but keep in mind about raising it if it happens again.