Me and Partner to get married alone?

Scoobydoobydoobydoo0987 · 2023-02-07T20:55:43+00:00

Me and DP been together 20 years, both 36. Have 2 kids and share a home. We have discussed getting married just the 2 of us without any family at a Registry office. Are we being unreasonable? We want to get married without the fuss of a wedding or wedding day. Who could we ask to be witnesses if we wanted it to be just us and no family?

LongRoadtoNowhere · 07/02/2023 20:56

Not unreasonable at all - it’s your wedding! You can have random strangers off the street as witnesses (I’ve heard of Mumsnet strangers doing it before!)

Goldandpurplezebra · 07/02/2023 20:59

Go for it. I think it will hold so much more meaning for you both if you stick to exactly what you want.

Moonflower12 · 07/02/2023 21:01

Yes! Totally do this.
My DD and (Stb) SIL plan to do this. It is what they want and we're (as a family) all for it.

Danikm151 · 07/02/2023 21:03

Do it!

C1N1C · 07/02/2023 21:03

You'll piss off some people but I've never met someone that eloped that regretted it.

PermanentTemporary · 07/02/2023 21:04

Do it! Personally I'd try to make sure you take at least a selfie or two for your own memories. Dh's parents eloped and they have a couple of absolutely adorable pictures from their wedding day - the best one is my MIL on the phone at work, apparently she was telling a client she would have to meet them another day as she was just off to get married 😊

needastrongoneagain · 07/02/2023 21:12

I did this with DH, 25 years ago. I got married because I wanted to spend my life with DH and show that commitment and love for him, not for a big ceremony or party or matching tableware. We buggered off to Sri Lanka and came back married. It was perfect. He's very poorly now, I'm really glad we did it our way.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/02/2023 21:12

Do the MN witnesses thing. What area?

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/02/2023 21:15

C1N1C · 07/02/2023 21:03

You'll piss off some people but I've never met someone that eloped that regretted it.

My 2 ceremonies (marriage then civil partnership, the latter has lasted!) involved 2 and 3 friends only respectively.

ZERO regrets. Do what suits YOU.

Mumtoabeast · 07/02/2023 21:19

We did this a few weeks back, just had our mums there as witnesses. Was in & out in 15 mins then off to a nice restaurant for lunch.
No stress at all!

OutFortheBirds · 07/02/2023 21:21

My husband and I did this a short while ago and the day was simply perfect. I was afraid I’d look back and regret it, or miss a bigger wedding on the day, but I didn’t. It was perfect. We have since been to a bigger wedding, and I still felt we did the right thing.

We had 5 friends to be witnesses/readings and a photographer. We got some gorgeous photos. We went for dinner afterwards in a gorgeous restaurant.

Hub’s family were fine about it; my family prefer a little more drama and completely ignored our calls/messages/email with wedding photos. That was hurtful, but on balance it just affirmed the decision we made. We just wanted to be married, not put on a pageant and deal with the stress of 100 guests from different corners with different needs and expectations.

GO for it. It’s one day about you both, have it the way you want it. You don’t owe it to anyone else. Hire a photographer for an hour or two - you’ll be happy for the photos and they can be your witness. Good luck 💗

Ponoka7 · 07/02/2023 21:25

In real life I think that a lot of parents who are close to their children would be hurt by being excluded from at least the plan to do it. Do you both have good relationships with your parents? Could the witnesses not be relatives?

Ladylalaboo1 · 07/02/2023 21:36

This is exactly what me and my partner are doing I'm 32 he's 36 been together gosh will be 12 years this year and have 3 kids. Just never got round to sorting out getting married really and I've never ever wanted a big wedding , just never been my thing. Both our parents did the same , my parents asked two strangers on the day to be witness his parents asked friends. We have asked my best friend and her partner. I think cause my parents did it this way and his they can't really be mad at us for it and tbh they aren't they are all really supportive. Probably do a meal or something with both parents etc after or something. I think it's whatever you prefer it's your marriage/ wedding , do it how you want!

Frankley · 07/02/2023 21:38

We did that over 40 years ago. Just us two. Husband brought along two people from his work place to be witnesses. Then went to my home and told my parents. My Dad laughed which made it fine with my Mum. They had known him for some time.

I didn't want the fuss of a wedding. I have some nice photographs one of the witnesses took.
I have never regretted getting married that way.

RealBecca · 07/02/2023 21:44

Did it, loved it. Wore our normal clothes, asked two friends outside of a core group to be witnesses and we went to pizza express afterwards and used a tastecard! It was so casual and chilled :) home by 3pm, done and dusted.

UsingChangeofName · 07/02/2023 21:44

After 20 years together, sharing a home and 2 dc, I doubt too many people will be bothered.
Some might thing it a shame you didn't want to involve them in what for many is a special time of your lives, but, if that is what you both want, then YANBU to do it that way.

It isn't 'the thing' to admit if on MN, but I know I would feel very sad if any of my dc decided that getting married wasn't an important enough day in their lives that they wanted to share it with siblings and parents, however. But maybe that is a reflection of how I think of marriage, and what I think about family and relationships.

IwishIwasSupermum · 07/02/2023 21:46

We also did this 25 years ago in Sri Lanka, no regrets, although MIL will still not speak about it, she was very upset, my DM had died in my 20’s, DF had remarried, I just couldn’t face a complicated day. We made friends with a couple who were our witnesses. It was a perfect day.

Saladd0dger · 07/02/2023 21:47

We done this. And i don’t regret it. I took my niece and my husband’s cousin for whitenesses.

Lenax · 07/02/2023 21:47

Not at all, I got married in September, and although we did the whole sit down meal followed by the reception thing I would have been happy to have done it in a registry office & saved thousands. Do what you both want

lopsees · 07/02/2023 21:47

We got married at a venue that provided witnesses. Meant we didn't have to tell anyone! Slightly more expensive than getting married at a registry office but meant we didn't have to worry about finding witnesses.

gogohmm · 07/02/2023 21:51

I'm toying with this though in church

DarkNurseries · 07/02/2023 21:52

UsingChangeofName · 07/02/2023 21:44

After 20 years together, sharing a home and 2 dc, I doubt too many people will be bothered.
Some might thing it a shame you didn't want to involve them in what for many is a special time of your lives, but, if that is what you both want, then YANBU to do it that way.

It isn't 'the thing' to admit if on MN, but I know I would feel very sad if any of my dc decided that getting married wasn't an important enough day in their lives that they wanted to share it with siblings and parents, however. But maybe that is a reflection of how I think of marriage, and what I think about family and relationships.

That’s quite manipulative. If they don’t consider it important, then surely it’s natural they don’t feel the need to have parents there? If it did feel important, probably they would want you at the ceremony. It wasn’t important for us. We just had two unemployed actor friends as witnesses and went for lunch afterwards.

Dartmoorcheffy · 07/02/2023 21:54

Do it. I am a private chef and I get booked regularly to cook a small intimate dinner party at the home or rented place for newly weds. Sometimes it's just the 2 of them, Sometimes it may be them and their best friends, or just their parents.

One particularly lovely one was because a couple of the elderly parents had dementia and the bride and groom didn't want a huge wedding which would be confusing and overwhelming for the parents and they wanted them to be part of the celebration.

LlynTegid · 07/02/2023 21:56

Yes, go for it.

jacult · 07/02/2023 21:57

We are both so close with our parents (I speak to mine nearly every day!!). We eloped, no friends or family. Our parents were over the moon because they love us and wanted whatever we wanted - it’s our day!! Most romantic day of my life, if I ever got to do a Groundhog Day I would pick that every time!