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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To confront my nanny

72 replies

Panky82 · 06/02/2023 19:41

So I have on good information that my nanny is job hunting on childcare sites. Do I confront her or just start my own search (incognito)?

OP posts:
rosesinmygarden · 06/02/2023 19:45

You know shes perfectly entitled to job hunt, right?

Maybe have a chat with her about how she's finding working for you and if she'd like to review anything.

The fact that your first reaction is to either spy on her or confront her speaks volumes.

LookItsMeAgain · 06/02/2023 19:46

Your nanny is allowed to look for other jobs, to move on to other things. Why would you want to "confront" them?

If you like them and want them to continue working for you, why not see if there's something you can do to improve things for them?

Hankunamatata · 06/02/2023 19:46

Why do you need to confront her? If your happy with her then talk to her about work conditions etc.

NannyR · 06/02/2023 19:46

How seriously is she job hunting? I'm a happily employed nanny who has no plans to leave but I still keep an eye on agency websites and nannyjob just to keep up with what sort of jobs are around, wages etc.

SavoirFlair · 06/02/2023 19:46

Confront her? Is this satire? Why are you considering confronting someone for something that is not in contravention of anything?

Do you know why people hunt on job sites @Panky82 ?

because they’re dissatisfied with their current employer.

have you asked for feedback?

LookItsMeAgain · 06/02/2023 19:46

rosesinmygarden · 06/02/2023 19:45

You know shes perfectly entitled to job hunt, right?

Maybe have a chat with her about how she's finding working for you and if she'd like to review anything.

The fact that your first reaction is to either spy on her or confront her speaks volumes.

That's what I thought too.

kw1091 · 06/02/2023 19:47

Sounds like she has good reason to be job hunting…

Luredbyapomegranate · 06/02/2023 19:48

Why would you confront her? She didn’t doing anything wrong.

If you don’t want her to leave then sit down and have a general chat about how it’s going and see what she’d like.

Desertbarncat · 06/02/2023 19:48

it’s a professional relationship, ask her directly whether she is planning on quitting soon and tell her why you think she’s been looking for a new position. Or just say something like ‘hey, I wanted to check in with you to see how this job is going for you. Do you have any concerns? It’s a reasonable question, and there may be issues you can address to keep her employed if you want to.

turrrniiipz · 06/02/2023 19:48

Panky82 · 06/02/2023 19:41

So I have on good information that my nanny is job hunting on childcare sites. Do I confront her or just start my own search (incognito)?

You have a good think about why she might be looking for alternative employment and change that.

VladmirsPoutine · 06/02/2023 19:48

If this is your reaction to your employee, in a manner or sorts, looking for alternative employment then there are two things:

  1. I completely understand why she's looking for another job.
  2. I wish her the very best of luck securing a new job.
Plitvice · 06/02/2023 19:48

So aren't you on the site yourself for a similar reason or are you stalking her?

LimeTwists · 06/02/2023 19:49

What you should do is find out why she’s looking to find another employer and try to make yourself a more appealing prospect. She’s not happy working for you yet your reaction is to confront (sounds hostile) or spy (unacceptable - anyone is within their rights look for a better job).

Viviennemary · 06/02/2023 19:49

I don't think it would be wise to confront her. But you could give some thought to why she might be looking for another job. In your position I would start preparing for the possibility she might leave. And if she was really good I might consider offering her more money if that would make any difference. Its a difficult one.

user1496262496 · 06/02/2023 19:49

She is perfectly entitled to look at other jobs. It is wise to keep a finger on the pulse of opportunities and options whatever your profession. It doesn’t mean that she intends to leave.

Aprilx · 06/02/2023 19:49

kw1091 · 06/02/2023 19:47

Sounds like she has good reason to be job hunting…

That is what I was thinking.

OP a more appropriate response would be to try to find out if she is unhappy and what you can do to improve that. Confront her indeed!

HiddenGiraffes · 06/02/2023 19:49

If you're keen to keep her, you could tell her you know she's looking for jobs and ask if she has any specific complaints about the job, and if there's anything you could change that would persuade her to stay. If not, just start quietly looking for a replacement.

Sleepless1096 · 06/02/2023 19:55

You don't own her. If you want to keep her, it might be a good idea to review her salary and make sure you're paying competitive rates.

Helpyou · 06/02/2023 19:56

I use the childcare site regularly but am happily employed and have no intentions of leaving at all. Reasons I log in are usually 1 of 2.

  1. Someone has messaged me on there so I log in to reply (I always hated when I messaged families on there and they ignored the message so I always like to reply even if I am saying I'm unavailable!)
  2. I use the site to look for ad hoc weekend / evening work.

If my employers started looking for someone else as they'd seen I'd logged in I'd be really upset. I'd wish they would just ask me so I could reassure the reasons why I log in. My employers know I'm happy though.
Do you know that your nanny is happy?

Cheeseandpickleplease · 06/02/2023 19:56

The fact you want to confront her sounds aggressive

you don’t mention being upset shes looking makes it sound like you know things aren’t working out 🤷‍♀️

Wonnle · 06/02/2023 20:04

What she does isn't any of your business , you employ her not own her

Original poster
Panky82 · 06/02/2023 20:07

Ooh they are all out tonight!

"Confront" her about why she is job hunting.

I.e. to see what the issue is so we can discuss.

Or would you just accept that their mind is made up?

OP posts:
Helpyou · 06/02/2023 20:09

Panky82 · 06/02/2023 20:07

Ooh they are all out tonight!

"Confront" her about why she is job hunting.

I.e. to see what the issue is so we can discuss.

Or would you just accept that their mind is made up?

Have you seen my reply? Perhaps she is just looking for ad hoc work?

MissMaple82 · 06/02/2023 20:10

Panky82 · 06/02/2023 20:07

Ooh they are all out tonight!

"Confront" her about why she is job hunting.

I.e. to see what the issue is so we can discuss.

Or would you just accept that their mind is made up?

I hope she finds something soon.

Fuckityfuckfuck123 · 06/02/2023 20:12

Tbh I can understand why you'd want a discussion, I think confront is maybe a harder word than you'd intended to use?

I can see why you'd want to know what her intentions are as if she leaves without appropriate notice you can't work yourself really.

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