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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be frustrated with her?

70 replies

WhenTheNightFalls · 06/02/2023 19:12

Ex work colleague was meant to have met me for a cup of tea today in her lunch break. Said she would text me beforehand just to make sure all OK. However, her lunch ended up being a lot earlier than I thought and so I was still asleep. She had tried texting me but did not call. I asked her why she did not call and she said she didn't want to disturb me so had just posted the birthday card she had for me through the door.
Meeting up will be much harder now as I start a new role soon. Aibu to be frustrated?

OP posts:
NeedAHoliday2021 · 06/02/2023 19:14

How much earlier that you were asleep?

Stopthebusplease · 06/02/2023 19:15

If you were expecting her to text you, even if her lunch was early, why were you still asleep? Sounds like she was trying to be considerate by not ringing and disturbing you, and yet you put in no effort to even be awake and ready.

Original poster
WhenTheNightFalls · 06/02/2023 19:16

11.15AM so pretty early still and I am recovering from what has been a manic work schedule in my previous role.

OP posts:
Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 06/02/2023 19:18

I think it’s more your problem that you were asleep. She text and you didn’t reply. Most people have lunch around 12, she wasn’t even texting an hour earlier than that.

it’s sad you didn’t manage to meet up but she made effort to contact you and put the card in the door. That seems sufficient

AnuSTart · 06/02/2023 19:32

YABU

Thesheerrelief · 06/02/2023 19:34

I'd be surprised that you didn't respond to an 11.15 text if I were her. She did a kind thing by putting the card through your door.

ChilliBandit · 06/02/2023 19:37

Poor woman. Couldn’t do right for doing wrong.

JessicaFletcherscrewnecksweater · 06/02/2023 20:16

Um, I don’t think you can be mad at her here.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 06/02/2023 20:18

YABU. 11.15am is the middle of the day not early!

If you knew you was meeting you should of been up ready, it's not her responsibility to get you out of bed. 😂

JizzlordTheCat · 06/02/2023 20:20

Is this a reverse?

Original poster
WhenTheNightFalls · 06/02/2023 21:05

Just wish she had called but apparently her call function is not working and she didn't want to disturb me..
I told her to text anyway if she wants to meet but she did not respond.

OP posts:
Bullshot · 06/02/2023 21:09

11.15 am is not a lot earlier than a regular time for lunch break . How come you weren’t up and getting dressed and ready to meet her by then anyway ?

Original poster
WhenTheNightFalls · 06/02/2023 21:15

I overslept as am so exhausted.

OP posts:
DestinysGrandchild · 06/02/2023 21:17

Not sure how you could be annoyed by it. You arranged to meet her. It's not like she took her break at 9am.

You should have maybe set an alarm to let her know if you weren't up for it and then gone back to bed? How was she supposed to know otherwise.

Landndialamrhf · 06/02/2023 21:22

lunch for most people working a 9-5 starts between 12-1 so it was only 45mins earlier.
it was hardly hours before.
she said she’d text and she did.
what was the point in asking her to txt if you were going to be asleep until what you assumed was her lunch time anyway

You were the one unable to receive the text
if anything she should be frustrated with you for wasting her lunch just to post you a thoughtful birthday card, that you’re somehow annoyed about.

unless this is a reverse

Gazelda · 06/02/2023 21:33

She texted you. She hand delivered a birthday card. She values your friendship enough to spend her lunchtime with you. She didn't call because she didn't want to disturb you.

I can't see why on earth you should feel frustrated at her. She put herself out for you, yet you didn't even set an alarm to make sure you had enough time to wake up and get dressed before you met at 'lunchtime'. Lunchtime could very reasonably have been midday - yet you were still fast asleep only 45 mins before that time. I'd have been frustrated with you.

But she obviously cares about you and knows that you're exhausted. She sounds like a thoughtful friend.

CrystalCoco · 06/02/2023 21:45

It's not her fault that you were asleep and didn't hear the text coming in, the text that she told you she would send
...and you didn't say to her "I might be sleeping so it'd be better if you call so it'll wake me"

Unless there's a massive drip-feed coming then YABU - she text as she said she would, you didn't reply yet she still came round and dropped the card, and you...you were sleeping.

I suspect your friend thinks YABU too and wishes she hadn't wasted her lunchtime on you.
You sound pretty flaky and you'll lose good friends if you continue like this.

ChilliBandit · 06/02/2023 21:52

The only person you should be frustrated with is yourself really.

Original poster
WhenTheNightFalls · 06/02/2023 21:58

It was just frustrating to me that she didn't call as that would have woken me. Just surprised she didn't do that. Not convinced about the call function not working but I guess she has her reasons for that.
Guess it's the case we won't be able to stay in touch which is a shame but it's really hard to do so with ex work colleagues and busy lives.

OP posts:
amidsummernightsdream · 06/02/2023 22:05

Very unreasonable to be annoyed and a bit weird to be honest

Original poster
WhenTheNightFalls · 06/02/2023 22:14

Just don't think her call function is really broken

OP posts:
melj1213 · 06/02/2023 22:14

YABU

Your friend came to visit you on her break and you were asleep - that's on you not her.

She has taken time out of her day and you are ascribing blame to her for not making more of an effort to contact you when you slept in when you couldn't even set an alarm!

grumpycow1 · 06/02/2023 22:18

WhenTheNightFalls · 06/02/2023 22:14

Just don't think her call function is really broken

Totally irrelevant whether it was broken or not. You should have been up getting ready to meet. Then you would have seen the text! And now you’re saying ‘guess we can’t stay in touch’ - bit melodramatic of you.

U1sce · 06/02/2023 22:22

Surely her break isnt that long that she can call you, wake you up and wait for you to be ready (even if only 10 mins) then have tea. I think you're frustrated at yourself and are deflecting it onto your friend

ChilliBandit · 06/02/2023 22:22

If she has come all the way to your house to post a card why would she lie about her phone? And why is this now the end of your friendship??